Published February 21, 2010
Sitting in my room
Staring at the ceiling
Checking my phone every minute
Hoping to hear from you soon
10 minutes gone,
20minutes gone
No phone call, no text message
Instead of the beep of my phone
All I can hear is the old grandfather clock
Ticking, ticking away
Making me conscience about how fast time is passing by
Without hearing your sweet, sweet voice
On the other end of my phone
Have I done anything wrong?
Have I offended you in anyway?
Have I said anything to upset you?
I wonder why
I let my mind wonder to the previous day
The day I came over your house
Your friends wanted to meet me
I was shy because I was scared of being judged
Scared that I won’t fit in with your posse
Did they say anything bad about me?
Have you gone off me because of their comments?
What could it be?
Did they say I was ugly?
Did they say I was too short?
Did they hate my hair?
Whatever it is
I’m sure it’s not nice
2 hours gone
3 hours gone
Still nothing from you
Checked my phone again
And to my surprise
10 missed calls , 7 messages from you
DARN NETWORK!
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,633 Literary Works • 673,570 Reviews
*laughs* That was poetry, as Pippin once said!
There are just a few nitpicks.
20 minutes. And if it's the beginning
of a sentence, you usually write out
the number.
Conscious. This means "aware" while
"conscience" is your voice of reason.
Ha I loved the ending of this poem! The anxiety in this piece almost made me a little nervous! It would have been even better if you had thought of a more mysterious title that doesn't give away the the punch line at the end. I can really imagine sitting around waiting for that one text or phone call. Awesome work!
haha I love the ending!
I love how you whate till just the last secant to say what the poem is really about. Bad phone service!
The only thing I would do would be to have "DARN NETWORK!" in bold or something rather then all caps.
All in all a terrific poem!