Published September 1, 2008
please do review my work and let me know my flaws....and help me improve....
We are poles apart
We do not match
Everything i say,
you just not seem to catch
The distance between us
is increasing every moment,
everyday
We haven't been able to clear up
ever since this May
Things are worsening
I see no way out
Things aren't improving
I just feel like moving out
Which way do I
make you understand?
I am suffering
all night and day
What good are you fetching
for yourself or for me?
I feel like a mere doll of clay
you just seek for your play
Sooner or later
You will find yourself
facing an inglorious end
You'll cry every second
You'll groan to get all back
But it'll be just too late
and all you'll have
is an empty hand
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141,738 Literary Works • 675,654 Reviews
Thanks .....
i know i need to improve on a lot of things.....i jst started writing.....so it would take a bit more time......
anyways,i understood what you're trying to say......
thanks once again .....
I kind of liked this some of it seemed a little off though. Like "Which way do I make you understand?" I think this would sound better if you said how do I make you understand. And, the ending didn't really seem to fit the flow of the rest of the poem. Otherwise, I thought it was good, you seem to capture how stressed this person make you feel although, you could enhance this but, I don't think it's in need of being enhanced though. Anyway, I hope that helps.