z

Young Writers Society



Four Girls; One Story (3)

by angel.e


~Chapter 3~

Ali sat waiting in the car for Jayne and looked at the clock. She looked at the front of the school seeing if Jayne was coming. She saw her walking to the car and get in the front seat.

"What took you so long?" Ali said starting to drive while Jayne was buckling up her seatbelt.

"Sorry, I had to do some stuff." Jayne said.

"That's fine," Ali said, "I just want to make sure we're home in time so that we can get the house ready but anyways...how was your day at school?"

"It was alright." Jayne said looking out the window, "How was your day at work?"

"It was good." Ali said stopping in front of Macey's school. Macey was waiting already and hopped in the back of the car.

"Hey, guys." Macey said buckling up her seatbelt.

"Hey, Mace." Ali said starting to drive and heading to Alex's work, "How's it going?"

"Good. It was a pretty busy day that's for sure." Macey said.

"How's the show going?" Ali asked turning to the next street.

"It's going really good," Macey said, "I can't wait till you guy's see it."

"Yeah, me too. I'm very excited." Ali said smiling.

"How are you Jayne?" Macey asked Jayne looking at her.

"Alright." Jayne said still looking out the window.

"School was okay?" Mace asked.

"Yup." Jayne said.

"Good." Macey said. They stopped in front of Alex's work and saw her waiting at the front. She saw us and walked toward the car and got in the back and closed the door.

"Hey Alex." Ali said, "How was work?"

"One of the better days that's for sure." Alex said buckling up her seatbelt.

"Why is that?" Macey asked.

"Oh, I just helped one of the girls about a boy that she liked." Alex said smiling.

"Really?" Jayne said turning around and looking at Alex, "What happened?"

"Well, Jessica told me she liked one of the boy's named Ryan and I just told her that she should tell him and she did and he told her that he doesn't know if he likes her back but wants to be friends so now they're with each other all the time," Alex said laughing, "It was very cute."

"That is cute." Jayne said turning back around.

"Oh, you guys, just so you know, a guy from my work named Ben will be coming to our party," Ali said, "Is that alright?"

"What do you mean?" Jayne asked looking at her, "I thought this was a friends and family get together. He doesn't even know any of us except you."

"I know, but I thought it would be nice because he feels so lonely." Ali said.

"He's lonely?" Macey asked confused.

"Well it seems like it," Ali said, "We were talking today and he told me that his family doesn't talk to him anymore...so I invited him."

"Oh my gosh Ali." Alex said.

"What?!" Ali said looking at Alex.

"You know that he may feel really out of place with us." Alex said looking at her.

"Only if you guys make him feel that way!" Ali said.

"I guess, but still. It will be weird." Alex said.

"Well, it's to late now, I already invited him so you guy's are going to have to live with it." Ali said pulling in the driveway of their house.

"I think it's nice that you invited him Ali." Macey said getting out of the car.

"Thank you Mace," Ali said looking at Macey and then at Alex, "At least someone agrees with me." Alex saw her looking at her and laughed.

"Oh, come on Ali," Alex said, "I don't really care that much that he's coming, I just think that the may feel out of place."

"Like I said, he'll only feel like that if you don't talk to him," Ali said walking in the house, "So, can you guy's make sure that you guy's do?"

"Alright." Alex said putting down her bag and taking off her jacket.

"Sure Ali, I'll help you." Macey said taking off her jacket. Jayne took off her jacket and didn't say anything.

"Will you, Jayne?" Ali asked looking at her.

"Yeah, sure." Jayne said.

"What's wrong Jayne? Macey asked, "You seem really quiet."

"Oh just tired." Jayne said going in the kitchen and grabbing a bowl of cereal.

"Well, anyways..." Alex said sitting on the couch, "Are we going to get ready for the party? It's already five o'clcok."

"Yeah, we probably should." Ali said standing and looking around.

"We have all the stuff, right?" Alex asked.

"Yup." Ali said. She went out of the room, grabbed all the stuff and went back in the living room and sat on the ground.

"Who's getting all the food ready?" Alex asked.

"Um...Jayne and Macey are." Ali said looking in the box. Jayne came into the living room and sat down with her cereal.

"What do you guy's want us to make anyways?" Jayne asked taking a bite of her cereal.

"Just whatever, I guess," Ali said looking at her, "Like a vegetable chip, cookies, maybe a cake and barbecue wings?"

"Then we need to start making it now." Macey said.

"Yeah, we should." Jayne said getting up, "Will you guys just make sure everythings neat and decorated?"

"Yeah," Ali said getting up with the box. Jayne and Macey headed to the kitchen to start the cooking.

"Ok, we should start with the barbecue wings first." Jayne said heading to the fridge to grab the chicken.

"What about the cake and cookies though?" Mace asked looking at Jayne.

"Yeah, you're right," Jayne said getting up, "What about I make the wings and you make the cake and then we'll both make the cookies and for the vegetable dip we'll make it near the end cause it doesn't take long."

"Alright, sounds good to me." Mace said grabbing all the ingredients. Jayne grabbed her stuff also and started preparing. They were silent for a few moments when Mace said,

"Hey, guess what?"

"What?" Jayne asked working on her food.

"You know Jon?" Mace said, "The guy that I always talk about."

"Oh yeah, what about him?" Jayne asked.

"Yeah um...he asked me out." Mace said giving a little laugh.

Jayne laughed and asked, "When?"

"Next weekend..." Mace said.

"And what did you say?" Jayne asked looking at her.

"I said I'd think about it." Mace said getting her cake batter together.

"Ha, really?" Jayne asked, "I thought you would've said no since you always say he's really stalkerish."

"I know, but I didn't want to be mean." Mace said.

"I see..." Jayne said quiet for a few moments.

"I think I might go though." Mace said.

"You will? Why?" Jayne asked confused.

"Because, he may be a really nice guy but I just don't know it yet." Mace said.

"I guess..." Jayne said, "But he may get the wrong idea."

"What do you mean?" Mace asked frowning.

"He's going to think you like him!" Jayne said.

"I dunno...maybe." Mace said finishing up her batter and putting it in the oven.

"I think he might but if you want to go, go right ahead." Jayne said finishing up her wings and putting them in the oven also. It was silent for a few moments when Jayne spoke up, "Oh, I have to tell you something also."

"What?" Mace asked getting all the ingredients for the cookies.

"My teacher Mr. Downy gave me a promotion for graduating early." Jayne said helping her get the stuff.

"What?!" Mace asked wide eyed.

"Yeah, but I said I would think about it. I'm not sure if I want to." Jayne said.

"Why not?" Macey asked, "It's the greatest offer ever!"

"I know but I want to graduate with all the people I know and am around all the time. Or else I'll be graduating with a whole bunch of people I hardly know." Jayne said.

"Well, yeah I guess so..." Macey said starting the cookie batter.

"So, I dunno yet. I'm going to ask Ali cause she always helps me with these kind of things." Jayne said giving a smile.

"Yeah, alright." Macey said, "Now help me with these cookies."

In the living room, Ali and Alex were setting up the decorations for the party.

"So, what's with this Ben guy?" Alex asked Ali, looking at her.

"What do you mean?" Ali asked confused putting up a "Welcome Everyone!" banner on the wall.

"Do you like him?" Alex asked watching her put it up.

"Ha! Like him?" Ali said still laughing jumping down from the couch.

"Well it sure seems like it, since you're inviting him to the party." Alex said giving a mischevious grin.

"I told you, it's because I felt bad for him and he always seems really lonely. You know, when I was talking to him about our family he was so interested because his family doesn't even talk to him anymore! You would have done the same thing if you were in my shoes." Ali said getting defensive.

"Well maybe you guys will eventually like each other." Alex said smiling.

"I don't think so, he's not the type of guy I would date." Ali said looking for more decorations to put up.

"That's what you think but you never know! Maybe you should ask him out for a date." Alex said blowing up balloons.

"You should know, Alex, that I would never be able to do that!" Ali said.

"Well then maybe you should be a little more outgoing!" Alex said giving a laugh.

"Haha very funny." Ali said giving a little laugh, "What about you? Where's your prince charming?"

"I'll never have a prince charming." Alex said looking a little sad.

"Oh whatever Alex! You say this all the time but I know that there is a guy out there waiting for you and you'll find out soon enough!" Ali said.

"I'm 30 years old Ali!" Alex said turning toward her with tears in her eyes, "I'm pretty sure that if there was a guy out there for me he should've come way earlier."

"I know, but would you rather be a old lady sitting on a rocking chair with thousands of cats wishing you had someone by your side or be with the one you love forever and ever?" Ali asked coming up towards her.

"I dunno, maybe I do want to be a old lady with thousands of cats because if he does come I'll probably be too mad at him for taking forever!" Alex said giving a little laugh and wiping away her tears. Ali gave her a little hug and rubbed her back.

"You can't give up Alex, okay?" Ali said, "I know that there is a guy out there for you. You just have to be patient."

"Yeah, I know but it's just hard to believe." Alex said while Ali pulled away, "Maybe I should try online dating..."

They both looked at each other and laughed. After a moment they both got up and Ali said, "Come on, let's see if Jayne and Macey are done cooking yet."

"Kay." Alex said. Just when they walked in the kitchen they saw Macey and Jayne putting the cookies in the oven.

"Done?" Ali asked.

"Yup!" Jayne said putting all the dirty dishes by the sink, "Hey, guess what Ali and Alex."

"What?" Ali said getting interested.

"A guy asked Mace out on a date!" Jayne said laughing and looking at Mace to see her reaction.

"He didn't ask me out on a date, he just wanted to know if we could hang out..." Mace said giving a little smile.

"Oh, sure!" Ali said giving a laugh, "Are you going to?"

"I think I might." Mace said, "Except he's kind of a creeper."

"Why?" Alex said giving a little laugh.

"He's stares at me all the time, flirts with me and follows me everywhere." Mace said.

"Ok..." Alex said giving a little laugh, "That's a little creepy."

"Yeah..." Mace said looking away giving a little laugh also.

"Oh, and my teacher Mr. Downy gave me the promotion to graduate early..." Jayne said looking away.

"What?! Jayne are you serious?" Ali said wide eyed.

"Yeah..." Jayne said, "But I don't think I will."

"Why not?" Alex said frowning.

"Because I want to graduate with all the people I know not a whole bunch of weirdos..." Jayne said grabbing the wings out of the oven and putting them on the counter.

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking also. Because it would be a little awkward to be graduating with people you don't know. It would be a little scary." Ali said, "But honestly I think that it's great that you got that promotion! It goes to show that you are the smartest person in your school year! I'm so proud of you Jayne. Really."

"Thanks..." Jayne said going red.

"Yeah, wow. That is really great Jayne." Alex said giving her a pat on the shoulder, "Man I wish that I could be as smart as you."

Jayne gave a little laugh. "Thanks Alex." Jayne said flipping over the wings on the pan and putting them back in the oven.

"Man everything smells so good in here!" Alex said, "I can't wait to eat! I'm so hungry!"

"Me too!" Ali said, "So are you guy's excited for everybody to get here?"

"Very excited." Mace said checking on her cake.

"Me too." Jayne said.

"Mmhmm!" Alex said.

"I know. I love it when family come up!" Ali said hugging herself.

Jayne starting laughing, "You're so weird Ali, but I love you."

Ali smiled, "I love you too. And Mace and Alex. I don't know what I'd do without you guys."

They all smiled and Macey pulled out her cake and set it on the counter. Everyone smelled at the same time and gave a sigh. They all laughed and continued getting ready for the party.


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Sat Jul 18, 2009 3:48 am
alwaysbeininspired95 wrote a review...



I don't know much about this story because i didn't read the first two chapters but if i could change just one thing I would put way more description in there. I don't know if it's just the way I write, but I usually try to put more description in there than dialogue. Dialogue is great, don't get me wrong. It brings out personality in characters and helps the reader get a better understanding of what's going on, but it also helps when the reader can imagine the character saying what he/she is saying. I kept getting mixed up between characters when they were talking and it would be easier if there was an image stuck in my mind of the girl named let's say Jayne. Just some description and this would be so great. But i can tell you're a good writer, this is a great story. good luck!!!
-alwaysbeininspired95





But answer me this: how can a story end happily if there is no love?
— Kate DiCamillo, The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane