FOUR
WALLS
Between you and me
ANDRES
2020
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Copyright ©2020
To my great best friends since year 2010 Camille Anne and Mary Jane,
To Jayze, Nica, and Rio.
To my failed work trip last 2016
To those who wait for me to fail, you know
Life still gave me lemons
But I studied on how to make lemonade
And I loved it more with cucumber on it.
so I guess, CHEERS TO MORE CUCUMBER LEMONADE?
ANDRES
2020
----
You love asking how I am
Over and over till
I start to wonder why your words seems so simple
Plain and light
Feeling-less
Soul-less
----
January February, March
April and May
Weeks pass by while
Sun dried both our skin
Then June July and August came
Flooded our roads
Kept our body cold
September, October and November
We celebrated our birthdays together
But then December came
You left me hanging after Christmas Day
----
Momma once told me
That I can be who
I want to be
So I dreamt every day
And night
Imagining every detail
Of what they might
Our future holds
I truly hoped
Not for me
But for the people I loved the most
----
You kept on asking yourself
“What have I done wrong?”
“How can I save us both?”
“Why do you leave me all alone?”
----
People say that
Distance never keeps love holding on
But if you will really think deep about it
Distance never let go
But people always do
----
We fell in love at an early age
We struggle till we reached college
You met new friends
And I did the same
Our future was planned
We both sacrificed
Years passed us by
And ended up bidding goodbyes
----
How is it even possible?
To lose yourself just to hold on to another
Does love keeps us sane?
Or we, ourselves are the ones
who is the real insane?
----
I met you at summer
We conquered winter together
Secret dine-out till dawn
Never knew the word “last”
Till the day we broke apart
----
Days go on and on
Every chance we get
To clear our head
We search for better questions
But they don’t end
----
In life,
Happiness is a choice
You have to move forward
And not to look backwards
Coz your past is in the back
And moving forward will save you
From falling back to that past
----
When I was young
I used to write love letters
For my family
And for the ones I loved to see
Now
I wrote songs and poems
About love, fear and hope
Not for others but for me
To look back
On how we used to be
----
I never thought that I will feel hell after experiencing heaven
----
Our parents told us
to choose our friends wisely
Thank God you came
Failing will never be boring again
----
I thought being alone is the saddest part of growing up
Little did I know that
Alone is the sibling of peace
in this materialistic world
That we are currently in
----
I still kept your image in my head
Your touch lingering my hand
Never would have thought
That one will be away
And the one will stay
That we are too far away
----
I really wanted to understand
Why my thoughts keeps on crumbling in
Then I got used to
Losing all my words to say
To keep you till May
----
But how can you keep someone
And fight with all your might
If they don’t want to be
And they want to be free
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the feeling the poem gives is something many can relate to. friend growing distant, and long distance relationships falling apart. many have experienced what this poem explains and it brings me some sort of regret filled pain. although in some parts of the poem i did loose rhythm and it was a little bit hard to understand. and some of the wording felt of as well. im not one to speak because i may simply be looking to hard for something that isnt there. thank you
Hello there,
I'm just going to quote the stanzas and say what I think near them, so this should be easy to follow along with. If you have any questions about what I mean or what to fix, you can always just ask me because I would be happy to explain. Also, welcome to YWS!
Okay, pretty good there. Not a lot to add on or correct, but the thing with capitalization is that it doesn't look tidy and is normally a sign of newness. The same with lack of commas and even a period here or there.
That stanza was clean, but it didn't look finished because of the short lines and I say lines because sometimes it's only a word, which usually is followed with more, but in this case it is alone.
Good poem though.
Have a good day,
Haley.
The poet is good, though there were some parts you could have added a rhythm.
"January February, March
April and May
Weeks pass by while
Sun dried both our skin"
You could have added away at the last, making it rhythm with May.
I am not well versed in poetry so if I messed up, sorry. But I felt like saying it.
The poet is good, though there were some parts you could have added a rhythm.
"January February, March
April and May
Weeks pass by while
Sun dried both our skin"
You could have added away at the last, making it rhythm with May.
I am not well versed in poetry so if I messed up, sorry. But I felt like saying it.
This is my on-going work, and I hope everyone will leave comments that will surely help me in developing my craft.
Thanks everyone!