Mornings cease to longer exist,
without my coffee and cigarette,
and a playing oldie long missed,
with a sweetheart to hold, not forget.
At time when there's no moon,
for the sun shines so bright,
I think its called day- yes- noon,
when people work and await the night.
Because at night, we all go sailing,
into a sea of fantasy, into dreams,
to see someone that long has been waiting,
to sleep forever, never to wake, by all means,
Quite ironic, is it not?
that life's just our will to sail,
till our boat at horizon is but a mere dot,
with the calm sea, and a sun to hail.
Don't you worry about losing me,
for the sea is very rough tonight,
and I want to go sailing, can't you see?
I want to see her! and fly an endless flight.
Isn't life just too simple?
that it only exists at our seas?
that no man ever wants to live single?
that we live for one, our one, the one to please?
Go sailing before its too late,
because at sea exists your peace.
Just go! accept your fate.
sailing forever, never displeased.
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138,800 Literary Works • 672,311 Reviews
The rhyming seemed forced, the grammar was off, and the rhythm wasn't consistent. You need to make sure the poem is readable before posting. I didn't like it. It seemed tired, over done. The imagery left me in a fog, instead of with clarity. Usually in a poem this is forgivable, but with so little in the grammar department, I expected the actual ideas to be better. Over all, this is a forgettable poem, without much in the way of creativity, and nothing in the execution. This poor poem needs a makeover. Try overhauling the rhythm. That makes poetry way more digestible to the reader.
It seemed like the proper amount of confusion for a love-struck romantic.Although, I liked the line
A beautiful poem, it really gives the reader a feeling of fantasy. Nice ryhme scheme, I really liked the gentle flow of your words:)
Keep it up!
Hello!
The 'not forget' is strange and out of place. Although your rhyming was quite good in other stanzas.I have come to review! Personally, just by looking at this I can see that it might fit better in the poetry section. This is defiantly not a short story, it even has a nice rhyming scheme.
Never the less this is a nice little poem. I really loved your theme, quite a common one but you executed it very well. You have made this quite individual and unique. I just loved your starting stanza, it summed up so much for me, you really have the narrator ( or the voice ) a great personality. Your poem has a nice fairytale, story book feel, I'm not real a fan of this style but your poem is rather nice. You captured very well what dreaming was about to you.
In general the flow was quite nice but sometimes I feel that the rhyme was a little forced.
Great work!