Blank insides and an endless wait
Not a possibility, no clean slate
When will this ever all be over
Will I ever be completely sober
Or will this mask be forever
This fog fading, really never
Quit smoking, consuming weed
Still thinking it could be a need
No vodka, no drank in weeks
Essence gone like rosy cheeks
Definition of completely clean
Is not me, not what I’ve seen
Inhaling the nicotine slow
The time waiting to grow
Thinking ‘bout life and all
How bad it would hurt to fall
Regardless, the ground is near
All through my body is fear
Take another puff of that smoke
An aide memoire of how to toke
Taking off the edge, anxiety
Got from what I call sobriety
It’s a lie, simply a panacea
Thinking that I’m like Galatea
Abstemiousness this is not
Maybe have quite the pot
But Adderall is in the veins
Holding up and down with chains
Keeping me standing there
Pill intake higher than fair
Can’t stop it, much too late
Now isn’t that just great
Sarcasm and fake arrogance
Caused all by my pestilence
Plague of the medication
It is giving me a citation
Feels like a death sentence
I’m not admitting repentance
Just admitting addiction
The feeling of constriction
Can’t take one more laceration
So very done with my fixation
Wishing the numbed feeling
The wounds never healing
Were unfamiliar to my mind
Things I never should find
Can’t get away from tragedy
I’ve never felt any alchemy
Connections are nonexistent
Incapable of being not distant
Past experience of being hurt
Why you can’t lift my skirt
There is an honest reason
Nothing to do with treason
The scars all over me
Pretend you can’t see
I really want to be alone
Won’t answer my phone
‘Cause I can’t convince I’m not a rat
And pretty much, I leave it at that
Your rhyming skills amaze me and scare me. I've read another one of your poems and I have to say, this is way better compared to that.
Now, onto the main problem,the structure...non-existent, yet again. You have to remember that a piece without structure is a piece without any beauty.
Now, let me correct this up here:
Blank insides and an endless wait,
Not a possibility, no clean slate,
When will this ever all be over?
Will I ever be completely sober?
Or will this mask be forever?
This fog fading, really never,
Quit smoking, consuming weed,
Still thinking it could be a need.
No vodka, no drank in weeks,
Essence gone like rosy cheeks,
Definition of completely clean,
Is not me, not what I’ve seen.
Inhaling the nicotine slow,
The time waiting to grow,
Thinking ‘bout life and all,
How bad it would hurt to fall.
Regardless, the ground is near,
All through my body is fear,
Take another puff of that smoke,
An aide memoire of how to toke.
Taking off the edge, anxiety,
Got from what I call sobriety,
It’s a lie, simply a panacea,
Thinking that I’m like Galatea.
Abstemiousness this is not,
Maybe have quite the pot,
But Adderall is in the veins,
Holding up and down with chains,
Keeping me standing there,
Pill intake higher than fair,
Can’t stop it, much too late,
Now isn’t that just great?
Sarcasm and fake arrogance,
Caused all by my pestilence,
Plague of the medication,
It is giving me a citation.
Feels like a death sentence,
I’m not admitting repentance,
Just admitting addiction,
The feeling of constriction,
Can’t take one more laceration,
So very done with my fixation.
Wishing the numbed feeling,
The wounds never healing,
Were unfamiliar to my mind,
Things I never should find.
Can’t get away from tragedy,
I’ve never felt any alchemy.
Connections are nonexistent,
Incapable of being not distant,
Past experience of being hurt,
Why you can’t lift my skirt.
There is an honest reason,
Nothing to do with treason,
The scars all over me,
Pretend you can’t see.
I really want to be alone,
Won’t answer my phone,
‘Cause I can’t convince I’m not a rat,
And pretty much, I leave it at that.
This a good piece, good imagery, descriptions and a realistic view of things. PS, I've also added in punctuation above!
So...good job and keep writing!