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creation and the fall

by amelie

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101 Reviews

Points: 305
Reviews: 101

Sun Mar 31, 2019 1:09 am
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AmadeusW wrote a review...

Being non-religious, I don't fully understand the religious references in this poem, but I certainly feel an undercurrent of hate for something, as if you are questioning the content of the stories in Genesis and comparing them to modern day society and how the content could possibly relate to or stand up in the ideals of today. There is definitely emotion in this work and the way you relate it is very well done. The only thing I question is your non-use of capital I's, and the reason for the last line "i wait i wait i wait i wait i-". The last line to me doesn't quite make sense as to why it is structured/written that way.
Really good job here!

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18 Reviews

Points: 1705
Reviews: 18

Sun Mar 31, 2019 12:54 am
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metrophobia wrote a review...

Wow this is a pretty moving piece. The dissonance between what the bible says versus how the speaker is experiencing so-called Christians is striking. I like the stanza about the mothers taking the fall for our creation too - which seemed to be a jab at people who pin all the fault of original sin on Eve, though Adam was also complicit.

This is just really well done straight through. Would love a bit more in the form of direct scripture allusions - even the cigarette and water could have played with pentecost/baptismal imagery - there's just so much there you know?

This was a very vivid read though - and you weren't afraid to give it some grit, which made it really striking without being off-putting. I can't quite tell if the character at the end is intended to be a Christ figure it was a bit ambiguous for me - but I kind of like that interpretation.

Overall, I'm a huge fan of this piece.

Well done!


no need to fear the poetry, it's only words

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5 Reviews

Points: 322
Reviews: 5

Thu Mar 21, 2019 5:04 pm
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Noobwriter88 wrote a review...

I love this so much! I really love the deep meaning of it, its really interesting! You really check for grammar and mistakes, cause I couldn't find one. I love the ending, how it leaves us there, like what went on? I like when stories or poems do that because it makes us want more of it. I certainly want more of this poem. Yeah, maybe I don't understand all of it, but I certainly feel as if I just read a poem by a famous poet. I love how it tells a story, I might not know the story, but I can tell there is a story that's told. I wish there was more to it. Maybe there is, Ill definitely have a look at the poems you made. You kinda inspire me to make poems too. I've never even thought about it until now, so Thank you. Thank you for being an inspiration. Now, I think I want a journal for poems now, lol. But anyway, Please keep up the good work, I think you got yourself a poetic skill, you are really good at what you do. Maybe teach me sometime? I'm more of a writer, but poetry to me is really cool and interesting. I'll post a poem sometime and maybe you can read it? I don't know when, but Ill certainly start writing some. Just letting you know, keep doing what you do, keep being your talented self. Be yourself, keep writing your amazing poems.

amelie says...

Thank you very much for the kind words :). If ever you post a poem, just DM it to me or post it on my wall, I%u2019d be happy to check it out.

Once you have read a book you care about, some part of it is always with you.
— Louis L'Amour