Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Realistic

It Follows Me

by amelie

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
18 Reviews

Points: 91
Reviews: 18

Sun Oct 28, 2018 10:13 pm
Chinku wrote a review...

hi Amelie,
The meaning of the poem is quite deep and it's amazing too, you have executed all the things in a perfect manner .

Here i would like to add something which i think can make the poem a beauty.
in your beginning it sounds nice while reading as a poem. up to the line 8th
" almost the same skin"
it's perfect to read and understand.

But, after this line it's little difficult to read rest of the part in a poetic format.

Here i feel the only absence or the lack of space is making it little different from above. like reading a sentence or paragraph rather than poem. Hence, it is also creating confusion to understand the intent.

apart from it all are nice and beautiful. Keep writing good things.

User avatar
624 Reviews

Points: 3571
Reviews: 624

Mon Oct 15, 2018 8:36 am
Casanova wrote a review...

Heya, Amie. Been awhile since I've done a review but i figured that i would take a crack at this one. Anyway, on to the review.

When I first read this I was honestly really impressed, you've come a long way whenever it comes to poetic aspects of life, so I'm a bit hard pressed for this review.

The first thing I didn't like was shoving the,"You," down the readers throat. The,"You," in this situation was a single line,

You get so used to touching and feeling the earthly things you come in contact with, that you stop feeling them at all

I felt this should have been more of just an,"I," statement, as I've seen a lot of people(This has been a recent developement) who worship everything there is about the Earth. One of the people I've worked for apologizes for accidentally touching someone, will wipe off a pack of cigarettes before handing them to a customer, and he doesn't do this because he's germaphobic- he lives his life to pleasing people, and never taking anything for granted. His entire family is like that. They even pray in the morning(excuse to religious reference) to beg for forgiveness for stepping on the earth, for harming the earth out of need, etc.

As for a lot of people, they're touch sensitive. But anyway, yeah it seemed like a subjective line to me, so i thought i would just throw my thoughts out there about that.

The next thing is the latter half of this piece was done flawlessly, but I feel as if the first part is just droned out, sortof? I don't mean offense by that, it's 4 AM and I can hardly think of a better descriptor than that.

Anyway, i do feel like this is a really good piece, and I guess I went MIA to witness your progress. I'll be here from now on, though.

Keep on Doing what you're doing

Sincerely, Casanova

amelie says...

Hey, thanks for taking the time to review. This was my first poem in months. The repetition of %u201Cyou%u201D is annoying, I get that. I knew that, but I wasn%u2019t sure how to work around it. Also, the whole worshiping the earth thing? That%u2019s not very new. Most early religions used the elements of earth, planets, and other concrete things they could physically see as a basis for their religions. There%u2019s a lot more layers I could unpack about it but let%u2019s not go there lol. That said, I didn%u2019t mean what it may have seemed I was implying. It%u2019s not meant to be religious. Anyway, thanks again! :)

Casanova says...

New development for me, not in general haha

User avatar
846 Reviews

Points: 25262
Reviews: 846

Sun Oct 14, 2018 11:52 pm
View Likes
alliyah says...

"I thought of how long
I've been alive, clothed in my own skin.
Almost the same skin
in which I came into existence. You get so used
to touching and feeling the earthly things you come
in contact with, that you stop feeling them
at all"

Wow. Very thought provoking! I always admire your poetry amelie.

"Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
— Paul Brandt