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Boss Monster catches small-town fever at the holiday parade

by amelie



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36 Reviews


Points: 2077
Reviews: 36

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Wed Dec 06, 2017 9:36 pm
Lake wrote a review...



this is such a cute little story because I find that when I read the title, I thought at first that it was about a monster and a boss of a person, was going to catch a small fever. But I was TOTALLY wrong! It wasn't a person catching a fever, it was about two people, watching parade! I absolutely loved it for that. It caught m by my surprise.




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237 Reviews


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Tue Dec 05, 2017 7:00 am
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Radrook wrote a review...



Thanks for sharing. Very interesting thought-provoking descriptions of a parade and the thoughts of a person in the crowd viewing it. What stood out to me about the parade itself is the mayor in the coffin and the firemen who are white enough to make a ham sandwich followed by the comment that it's called small-town fever. Seems totally unrelated to the relationship between the piggy-backer and the one giving the piggyback. Might be understood to indicate a racist environment in that town.

A reference to third-wheeling or tagging along with a couple is mentioned by the speaker who says it isn't him/her.

Tells us that the person providing the piggyback doesn't smell like him anymore and that's why her face is buried in his hat. Says that the mayor is in a coffin in the parade. Mentions that the one given a piggyback will graduate before her and lose a game called Boss Monster. Also that the person giving the piggyback will never know that she writes poetry if they are together like that.

All these images seem unrelated to each other and make it extremely hard to form a logical coherent picture. It's as if they are being flippantly introduced as they occur. If they could all be reconciled into one idea or theme the poem would be greatly improved.


Suggestion

The poem would be more readable if it didn't have sudden line separations in the middle of sentences..




amelie says...


Thank you for the advice!



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408 Reviews


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Tue Dec 05, 2017 4:52 am
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Rascalover wrote a review...



Hey!
This isn't exactly a long review, but i wanted to tell you how much I adore your font! Also, I really love the small town feel of this piece. It places the reader into a Mayberry type town with sepia as a viewpoint. In the third to last line, I think you meant me instead of met; other than that i don't really see any corrections that need to be made.
I enjoy this small piece of heaven, but I'm not exactly sure what it means. The parade is kind of confusing because theres a mayor in a coffin (funeral?) but there's also santa on a trailer... unless these are metaphors that are going over my head. Also, a few lines say not yet or ever, so I am assuming there's an underlying message of losing someone, but I can't quite figure it out.
Thanks for the read,
Rascalover




amelie says...


Thanks!




A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing.
— Oscar Wilde