Why?

Hi Welcome to YWS

My Name is Samantha. Im here to review

Even though it's short and full of questions it's still speaking.
many people died that day including family members. Firefighters, police, and innocent bystanders. The song dedicated to that day is played by every raido station i know and it makes me cry.
Regardless if you are American or not, you lost a loved one or not. This makes a big impact on your life.
I was only a Toddler but it impacted me.
I love how you captured it in this and the revised version.

~Sam

Here is the other version


WHY DID THIS DAY HAVE TO COME?
WHY DID IT HAVE TO HAPPEN?
WHY DID THEY HAVE TO DO WHAT THEY DID?
WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO TO WORK THAT DAY?
WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE?
WHY IS LIFE SO HARD NOW THAT I HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TO?
WHY DO PEOPLE TAKE LIFE FOR GRANTED?

What do you think???

Hey, Weather here to review. Welcome to YWS also!

This is a sensitive subject to a lot of people whether they're American or not, so I like the effort and intent you put into writing this for those who need the comfort.

With that being said, I think you could have gone more above and beyond in producing a more emotive and touching poem.

It was very short and lacking both emotion and grammar. The only emotion I felt from this was your last line, which could have been expanded on too. You needed to add question marks at the end of each sentence, even if it is a rhetorical one, or at least even a full-stop to give some indication of the sentence ending and beginning. Though it may be difficult, adding distinctive graphic imagery would be useful and really effective. If you feel angry, don't be afraid to express it! You can include images of the smoke, people running in terror, the actual events of the twin towers being crashed into - its something that should really trigger certain feelings to the person reading it so they can connect and grieve together with the writer. More varied vocabulary choices would be good too, because at the moment it all just falls flat.

"Why did this day have to come like a school fight"

Personally, I wouldn't describe or compare 9/11 to a school fight, school fights are petty and low-scale and never shake the world's views on anything. Go for a more in depth and large-scale comparison which is more powerful, especially as a first line which is meant to really grab the reader's attention.

"Why did fire have to happen"

This line doesn't really make much sense in terms of grammar. Revise it and perhaps add imagery of the flames and anguish here - or something along those lines.

"Why did kids scream at each other like banchees"

I had a few issues with this line. Why wouldn't kids scream at all? They obviously are in fear, which I would interpret in this context. There's a spelling error it should be, *banshees*. I also wouldn't compare children to screaming like a female spirit whose wailing warns of a death in a house - which is ultimately the meaning of the word "banshee". I didn't think this line was all too appropriate.

Overall I think you can produce something better in general, it has potential so do continue writing. I hope this review helped.

~Weather

Hey, Amber! Welcome to YWS. It looks like I'm your first review ever so I won't take this job lightly. I think that the poem is very interesting. I think that you lightly touched on a picky subject and for that, I applaud you. I do, however, have a few nitpicks. Other then Banshee being spelled incorrectly, you don't really have any punctuation on this poem. Granted, some poems don't have to have it but your title does have the word why, followed by a question mark. I think that you could have added a question mark at the end of each of your sentences about why 9/11 happened. I also think that for a touchy subject, I didn't feel any emotion. With 9/11, and any other touchy subject, I think the reader should be able to feel emotion towards the poem. At the end, you lightly touch about the cousin passing away. It gives us some emotion because that's a shame but the rest of it is just descriptions about how kids acted when it happened. At the beginning, you also describe it as similar to a school fight. Maybe that isn't how you meant it but in the way that you wrote it, I feel that it was what was happening. I would have loved to read about the emotions and the towers dropping, the smoke and flames. The tears. I think that you should sit and add some things to it so we're able to feel more emotion with the story. I think you'll do a great job and if you need any help at all, feel free to message me.