Unknown

by amandajodowning

Published December 6, 2012

My heart
My soul
The scars remain
My life
My love
My thoughts unchained 

The whisper
The roar
The falling curtain
A creak
A squeak
The end uncertain

The floor
The door
The shaking hand
A challenge
A rival
For life's final stand 
Comments & reviews · 4
vampyIrishgirl wrote a review Review · Dec 9, 2012

i really think you could do a whole lot with this poem. i really liked it, how when i read it and think back to all of the very good to the very bad that has happened to me. i think wow someone knows that it suck, it rocks and lifes is as bumpy a scared bunny. i like how you talk about both the good and the bad, usaully people write about how dark, life is and how no one understands. yeah they're right no one does. but the other people write about how happy they are and how lucky they are. they're right too, but you? you have the prefect in between of both worlds.!! great job!!!

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nomadpenguin
Review
nomadpenguin wrote a review Review · Dec 8, 2012

The images were not very well developed and connected, and the storyline is unclear.

However, I don't think those were your main focuses. The star of this poem is the rhythm, which is awesome. It has a very musical feel about it.

I think if you could make the imagery and storyline more focused and clear, this would be a stunning poem.

xRAINBOWQUEENx wrote a review Review · Dec 7, 2012

The poem has connected to me instantly as i read it.

Hopefully, you can write more because I enjoyed reading this one.

Keep up the good work!

Make your poems a little bit longer, but other than that, you arre doing okay with your writing.

Thank you for letting me read such a wonderful masterpiece.

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Arcticus
Comment
Arcticus commented Comment · Dec 6, 2012

You handle your syllables well. I must say I see a songwriter. ;)



Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
— Mark Twain