Published July 7, 2010
I stare at the glass
As tears leave hidden
Trails down my cheeks.
I wonder at the small things,
Like how I can feel like this
On such a glorious day.
Such a disappointment.
To be alone;
To be misunderstood.
Maybe its my fault
That I can't please everyone
Maybe I could try harder to
Do things different.
To do things 'right'.
I don't know what that means;
What's the right defintion of right?
I'm trapped inside,
I don't know how to
Get out and make a difference.
If only life wasn't like a cage;
I look out the stone bars and
Watch time tick away,
Watch my freedom fly away
To be somewhere
I could never be.
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139,556 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
I really liked this.
I don't have anything negative to say about it.
One thing I noticed though, was you could fix the pacing on your poem. It was a little fast, so you could try slowing it down.
Otherwise, I liked it!
Good work, keep writing.
- RedRaven
Hey,
I shall be your reviewer.
Not to be negative to start with but where is the punctuation. A piece without punctuation is okay, but when it is this lengh it makes it really hard to read. The use of enjambment can be effective also but I couldn't take it into account due to it was moving really fast.
I really like that bit. I think it is really sweet and works very well.
It's the best piece but it could be with work.
PM for anything.
~Retro Disco666