Young Writers Society

I am also from the Philippines and has several experiences on campus journalism and I think this entitles me with just the right amount of credentials to say that this is more of a science feature and goes beyond the criteria of the actual feature writing contest you would get to participate in. Feature writing , of which I would usually divulge myself into focuses more on crafting short stories and projecting flowery words and sentences of abstract depth. But it would surely circulate along journalistic topics like disaster preparedness, 21st century learning and other current affairs.

This article is more of an Editorial, but as what my adviser would say, these types of literary pieces would usually find intellectual insights amassed upon it, so it is much expected that if you are a writer to this field, you must write with sophistication. Sophistication- as in you should be propped with vast vocabulary (although never take this onto an excessive, blurting peak) as well as imbued with a lot of convincing opinions about recent news topics. So based on these standards I guess this needs some improvements. But don't worry, the molding of a good writer basically just involves a lot of reading and assessing your opinions about a lot of daily encounters. Most importantly, you must know of your platform.

Okay, so first thought. It’s a very small thing and easily fixed, and you don’t have to go with it if you don’t want to, but I’ll suggest it anyway. So you titled this “extinct water” and ended with a line about “extinct water,” but I suggest “endangered water.” The reason being that the whole essay is about how water is in danger of going extinct—it’s not extinct yet. As long as there is some, it’s just endangered. Kind of just a quibble, nothing important (probably), but that’s my suggestion.

Then I have some other suggestions that are for specific parts. So let’s go through those real quick, shall we?

Water, it's an element that is essential to all living things, it has so many uses that are only being taken for granted.

It would also affect the flow of electricity since those who live outside the city get power from nearby rivers.

Water also exists air vapor, rivers and lakes where most of the fresh water can be found.

But because of the extreme weather condition brought upon us, the number of RAINFALL has now decreased to less than than the average number

If that happens, then planet Earth would turn into particle tinier than an atom

Hi there! Welcome to YWS!

I like the topic of your essay, but I did see a few things you could change.

There was a spot I saw were all you needed was a capital at the beginning of the last paragraph.

But because of the extreme weather condition brought upon us, the number of RAINFALL has now decreased to less than than the average number.

Good essay! I think the issue that you are talking about is very important, and it was good to read. Maybe you could put a bit more numbers in so the reader knows exactly what is happening. You could compare how much water water there was in an earlier time period to now or something like that to show what is happening. Other than that, there are a few spelling errors the could be fixed pretty easily. Just read it over and check for grammar before you hit publish.
Good job!

Hey fellow Pinoy!

I believe that this was a pretty good concept, but, like steampowered said, I agree that this essay wasn't really attention grabbing. Also, there are some grammatical errors which I won't go over much but I wanted to point it out.

I'll review as I go:

"These past months weather forecasters on tv have been talking about drought, and how water may not last for more than one year."
Here, you can specify some small details about the research you did: What forecasters? What part of the Philippines were they covering? etc.

"According to scientists, "
Like I said before, you could be more specific by mentioning the names of the scientists, what they study, etc.

"Water also exists air vapor, rivers and lakes where most of the fresh water can be found."
In this line, I didn't really understand what you were trying to say. I don't really know how to correct this but I'm just pointing it out.

"the number of RAINFALL has now decreased to less than than the average number."
'rainfall' doesn't need to be in all caps. And what is the 'average number'?

"Also, the Government is already planning on planting rice that don't need to absorb too much water."
the Philippine Government? doesn't* Also, you can go into more detail why planting this certain rice is beneficial.

"the corals reefs would wither."
coral*

Overall, you have good intentions with this article! You just need to remember to revise your work and to cite your sources. Water IS very important. I'm in California and we've been in a huge drought recently but no one really treats it as a natural disaster when it has a huge impact upon our environment. Good luck and keep writing!

Hello, steampowered here for a review and to welcome you to YWS! I also enjoy writing articles and have been doing so for a while, so hopefully I’ll be able to give you some helpful advice.

Your premise was good and I think the basic ideas are definitely there but I didn’t feel particularly hooked by this article. You say in the title that we need to save water but I didn’t really see that message reinforced through the contents of the essay. Articles and essays, especially in a case such as yours, need to be persuasive – to make the reader change their behaviour, or at the very least change their outlook. Why not tell us ways in which we can save water? Even the obvious things like “turn the tap off when you brush your teeth” could do with being mentioned. Maybe you know of ways that nobody else has thought of. Share them with your audience!

Water, it's an element that is essential to all living things, it has so many uses that are only being taken for granted. Will there be enough to enable us to survive?

Water.
It's an element that is essential to all living things. It has so many uses that are only being taken for granted. Will there be enough to enable us to survive?

number of RAINFALL

Maybe Martians will come to save Earth, or maybe all human race would be ordered to migrate to another planet. If that happens, then planet Earth would turn into particle tinier than an atom.