Her
Relationship with Depression
By
Mae Ballantyne
Cast list:
Hecate
Woe
Ellie
Harmony
Billie
Julia
Nakita
Justin
Andy
Poet
Scene
1
(A
writer stands after finishing writing and reads his finished product.
Note-this part can be read from a book.)
Poet:
Lines
from suicide notes or love letters- Doc Luben:
1.
Don’t freak out.
2.
We both know this has been coming for a long time.
3.
I have been staying awake at nights, wondering if I should tell you.
4.
I bought the kind of crackers you like. They are in the hall
cupboard.
5.
Now that we have watched all the episodes of True Blood, I do not
know what else to do next.
6.
I have just been too afraid for too long.
7.
This is the kind of thing where waiting for the time to be right
would just mean waiting forever; it’s the kind of thing no one else
can help you decide.
8.
I came home on Thursday and found all of the chairs in the house
stacked in a pile in the centre of my kitchen; I don’t know how
long they have been like that, but it must have been me that did it.
It is the kind of thing a ghost might do, to prove to the living he
is still there. I am haunting my own apartment.
9.
I imagine my furniture in your apartment.
10.
I wonder how many likes it will get on Facebook.
11.
My dad always used to tell the same joke, but I can’t remember the
punch line.
12.
I was eight years old and it took three weeks (three eight-year-old
weeks— imagine) to gather everything I needed to be Batman. Rope,
boomerangs, a mardi gras mask with the beads cut off. I couldn’t
find a cave near my house, so I buried them all in a bundle under the
ivy. For years after,
I
tried to find that spot again.
The
ivy grew too fast.
I
searched in so many spots
it
seemed impossible I had missed any.
But
I never found it.
How
can something be there?
and
then just not be there?
How
do we forgive ourselves?
for
all the things we did not become?
Scene
2
(A
girl called Hecate sits in amongst a load of schoolbooks- she looks
very average without distinct features e.g. average uniform and
natural hair. reading a maths book, mumbling something about cosine
to herself. She sighs and looks up.)
Hecate:
I’ve
never
been one for maths. Well actually I don’t like a lot of things now.
It feels so… Numb. As if someone has given a beautiful coloured
drawing a wash of grey. Like a once vibrant pen running low. And my
schoolwork is slipping. I just don’t see a point in it. Someday we
will all be dead, rotting and the same so why should I bother? My
friends don’t care all that much I reckon, like sure they’re kind
to me, but what do they actually think of me? Let me put it like
this- imagine trying so hard to make a meal, adding all the spices to
make it as new and amazing as you can and it just tastes like mashed
potatoes. Everything just tastes like that now so I don’t bother
with spices, not anymore. My mum doesn’t understand either. She
enjoys seeing me upset, I swear, and that’s when I manage to see
her. I can’t tell anyone what’s going on, it’s just me and…
(woe is on, just looking on and smiling.) Oh,
hi Woe…
Woe:
Hello Hecate. What kind of greeting is that for your girlfriend?
Hecate:
What?
You don’t control me.
Woe:
You’re
lying to yourself, we both know that I cause chaos in your head.
Hecate:
I’m
sorry.
Woe:
You
should be ashamed. You can’t even greet your depression properly
(Woe
paces around Hecate, looking at her up and down as if to “check her
out”) You’re
mine you know, and I want you all to myself.
Hecate:
You’re
the only one to ever say that to me.
Woe:
I’ll
always be here for you, no escape from all the love I have.
Hecate:
This
is going so fast… I don’t know what to do.
Woe:
Just
trust me. Stop doing work. Now. Yours is never right anyway so
there’s no point in it.
(lights
go from a bright light to two spots on each side of the stage, on one
side Hecate stands and Woe the other.)
Hecate:
(aside)
Woe
is my depression. She’s not real. She brings me up and puts me
down, just like an abusive girlfriend. I’m always so alone and she
surrounds me, her love a noose around my neck and I have no idea when
she’ll push me over the edge. She’s killing me, but I can’t
leave her. I just can’t do it. I can’t tell my friends, my
family, my mum… what would they think of me? And then Woe tightens
the noose. I must live with a villain pacing in my mind. She lies to
me and manipulates me, but she loves me and I love her. I get jealous
of the other girls Woe talks to, they’re good people, like me. So,
I try to make myself more like them, but depression talks to who they
want to, so once again I’m ignored. I’ve heard she has killed
people, (shouting
now) but
they’re lying! All of them! I trust only Woe and she says she
hasn’t.
Woe:
(aside
and smiling)
I know what I am. I know how I’m slowly killing her. We argue so
much and only I know what she does to her arms when no one is
looking, well I guess I do it. Doesn’t mean I should care though.
She can’t talk to anyone else and that’s why I’m a person. Her
sadness goes so deep that she confines in a made-up character, how
pathetic of her… again. She’s a mutation. If I do something she
doesn’t like, I lie, say “what… don’t you love me anymore?”,
I leave her and wait for her heart to feel so parched from me. Then I
visit again.
Hecate:
So
why are you here this time?
Woe:
I
don’t need a reason. I live here - in there, crazy. It’s ironic,
isn’t it? (Hecate
gives her an odd look) I’m
technically inside of you, yet I have you wrapped around my
finger. I could make you do anything. Tick-tock dear, you’re a
bomb.
Hecate:
(almost
yelling) …
th-this isn’t true, why are you doing this?
Woe:
Because
I want to see you cry. It’s so much prettier… And you can’t
stop me so you have to listen. No blocking me out, you can’t block
voices when they come from in-between your ears.
Scene
3:
(School
scene- Hecate is with her friends: Harmony, Ellie and Billie. The
four friends sit on desks except for Hecate who sits at her desk
trying to work in her lunch hour. Woe watches silently in the
background.)
Harmony:
Ugh
Hecate! You’re eating meat again?
Hecate:
Yes,
Harmony, I told you I was gonna last week.
Harmony:
it’s so weird being the only vegetarian again.
Ellie:
So,
what did you do at the weekend? Luke said you weren’t at rowing.
Harmony:
I
was actually out with my family, we went to the beach. I’m just
glad I didn’t fall in the Thames again.
Ellie:
You
always fall in the boat when Luke is in charge!
Harmony:
Well
that’s because he’s a mess, last time my arm got sprained.
Ellie:
(laughing)
your
arm always hurts! You actually named the last scratch Steve…
Billie:
Harmony, Ellie, did you see the remake of Beauty and the beast??
Harmony:
I
didn’t actually, I was with Josh all weekend.
Billie:
Nice… Well if you ask me, Gaston was the only beast in it…
Ellie:
Billie!!
REALLY?
Billie:
Have
you seen
the film? You have to agree, he’s my favourite villain now.
Harmony:
Well
to be fair, Billie, you do talk about someone new every week.
Ellie:
Ham
has a point, like remember that whole week where you would not SHUT
UP about Hugh Jackman? He’s old enough to be your dad.
Billie:
(embarrassed)
a-anyway,
Hecate what are you doing?
Ellie:
You
seem quiet, is anything wrong?
Hecate:
Nothing.
Just leave me alone.
Harmony:
Please
tell us.
Hecate:
LEAVE
IT. (Woe
touches Hecate’s head and Hecate leaves)
Billie:
What
was all that?
Ellie:
It
might just be tough with her mum at the moment, you know how she can
get. I say we leave it until she needs to talk to us first, everyone
is happier that way.
Harmony:
Well
that’s true enough, should we speak to her mum?
Billie:
No
way! Her mum is awful to her, honestly, we would only make it worse,
Hecate really doesn’t need it right now.
Ellie:
How do you know that?
Harmony:
She told us one time that… well her mum was made to have her. Her
grandmother was strict and catholic, all religious-y, she wasn’t
allowed to abort.
Ellie:
Oh god!
Billie:
Do
you think there’s anything we can do?
Harmony:
Not
until we know what’s wrong…
Ellie:
All
we can do for her is just be there for her.
(there
is a pause, the three look at each other)
Harmony:
Maybe
we should do a surprise party at mine? Maybe next week?
Ellie:
good idea, let’s do it!
(Nakita,
Justin and Andy sit on desks too, Nakita close to Harmony.)
Nakita:
Did
you hear that?
Andy:
Hear
what?
Justin:
Does
that retard over there have an issue?
Nakita:
Not
even her own mum wants her, to be honest I’m not so surprised.
Justin:
Whys
that?
Nakita:
I
bet she was a mistake, her mum was forced to have her. Plus did you
see those scars on her thighs? She’s not exactly trying to hide her
mental problems.
Justin:
Wow,
I didn’t realise she was an actual retard. We should pay her a
visit.
Andy:
She’s
literally mental. Bet someday she’ll get locked up.
Nakita:
Are
you kidding me? She’s just an attention whore.
Scene
4
(woe
and Hecate are alone on the stage)
Woe:
Having a nice lunch?
Hecate:
Please
just leave me alone. Not now.
Woe:
You
can’t tell me what to do. I’ll do what I want, when I want it.
Even if it hurts you. Don’t expect me to apologise either. Isn’t
it nice to know I’m lying to you but you still believe me, still
love me, still hang onto every single word. You know it’s not true,
but do you? I can tell you anything and your blind fucking faith
keeps you chained to my word like a dog on a leash. And while you’re
leashed to my unbreakable love, you’ll never be free. You know I
push you away from people. Your friends. But in the end, you’ll
always choose me, no regard for yourself. Just blinding, sickening
love.
(everything
from here on is surreal, the lighting may flicker and sounds may be
static and sketchy to show how this scene isn’t real. Woe stands
tall on a block at the back, using people like the puppets- note that
the people aren’t real and these people care about her, they are
twisted by depression to be seen as evil.)
Hecate:
Hello?
Anyone?
Harmony:
It’s
such a shame you’re not even strong enough to talk to us. It’s
like we’re not even friends.
Billie:
Maybe
you’re alone for a reason. You deserve to be out-casted.
Ellie:
Nikita, Justin and Andy know everything. We told them. You deserve
whatever they do to you.
Nikita:
I
would punch you, but I can see you already hurt yourself so I won’t
have to. How pathetic.
Andy:
Those scars show how insane you really are. What a pity. Life is
lasted on you.
Justin:
Who
do you have to be strong for? Nobody cares if you live or die so you
may as well give up now. You’re halfway there, just cut a little
further.
(the
lights go off and Hecate is heard screaming, clinging to her hair and
crouching on the floor. A red ribbon is tied to her arm- this
portrays scars; however it can be removed depending on personal
choice.)
Scene
5
(Hecate
sits on the floor with books, her mum, Julia, enters- “slightly”
drunk)
Julia:
Hecate!!
Why on earth have your grades slipped?
Hecate:
Oh
god… sorry mum it’s not my fault.
Julia:
I’m
so tired of you failing grades.
Hecate:
They’re
my grades to worry about…
Julia:
Shut
up and stop ruining your life!
Hecate:
It
was one grade!
Julia:
If
you’re not careful you’ll end up like your father.
Hecate:
Can I talk to you about something?
Julia:
Before
you do, I already know what’s going on.
Hecate:
You do…?
Julia:
Your
grades are slipping because your friends have stressed you out.
Hecate:
No!
That isn’t it at all!
Julia:
Stop
being stupid, I knew they never liked you. You’ll stop seeing them
at weekends to study.
Hecate:
They
never did anything wrong!
Julia:
Shut
up, you’re just like your father.
Hecate:
What
happened to dad is not my fault.
Julia:
Oh,
it never is your fault, is it? You had better improve by the end of
the year or you’ll screw up your life like I did when I had you.
Hecate:
I’m
sorry mum.
Julia:
Sorry?!
Well doesn’t that just SOLVE EVERYTHING. All the pain and suffering
you’ve caused me?
Hecate:
oh,
my god... how much did you drink?
Julia:
YOU’RE
NOT MY MOTHER. SHUT UP.
(Hecate
stands, visibly shaking)
Hecate:
But
you’re mine and I don’t want to see you dead because you decided
life wasn’t fair on you.
Julia:
What
the hell would you know about life being unfair? You’re just a dumb
kid.
Hecate:
You
don’t know anything about me. All you did was name me and push me
away from you.
Julia:
(yelling)I
hate you. (Julia
looks as if she’s about to hit Hecate, Hecate flinches.)
Hecate:
I’m
sorry.
Julia:
God, you are pathetic. Sort out your life before you have a piece of
shit kid who doesn’t even try to do well. You ruined me Hecate. I
was going to be a star before you came along.
(she
starts to leave and she looks over her shoulder at Hecate)
Do
better at school.
(a
tear streams down her face, she curls up into a ball)
Scene
6
(Hecate
looks at Woe, she smiles back. Hecate doesn’t say anything. She
just sits there.)
Woe:
Time
to play with your mind again. You make this so easy for me. You walk
right to me whenever you are put down. It’s a shame I’ll never
help you. I’ll just do whatever the fuck I want and you can’t
stop me. (woe
goes closer) hear
that? Your friends want to talk to you. (Woe
kicks Hecate onto the floor)
(Woe
uses people to say things to Hecate again, just like scene 4)
Harmony:
It’s
such a shame you’re not even strong enough to talk to us. It’s
like we’re not even friends.
Billie:
Maybe
you’re alone for a reason. You deserve to be out-casted.
Ellie:
Nikita, Justin and Andy know everything. We told them. You deserve
whatever they do to you.
Nikita:
I
would punch you, but I can see you already hurt yourself so I won’t
have to. How pathetic.
Andy:
Those scars show how insane you really are. What a pity. Life is
lasted on you.
Justin:
Who
do you have to be strong for? Nobody cares if you live or die so you
may as well give up now. You’re halfway there, just cut a little
further.
Julia:
You
should have never been born and I hate you.
(they
intensify and repeat what they said, maybe adding in the odd
“failure”, “loser” or “freak”. They speak over each
other. Hecate screams, tearing at her hair, just as before and there
is a blackout. Another ribbon is tied to her arm.)
Scene
7
(The
three girls and Billie come in, mid-conversation. Woe watches, a
little closer than last time)
Hecate:
Honestly
guys, I just feel ill.
Billie:
Are
you sure?
Hecate:
Yeah,
I’m just gonna get some air and sort out my work.
Harmony:
Um
okay, just call us if you need us.
Ellie:
Yeah,
make sure you eat this lunch too.
Hecate:
Yeah,
whatever.
(Hecate
sits down and her friends leave. Nikita, Justin and Andy enter.)
Nikita:
Wonder
how much money she has on her.
Justin:
Guess
we don’t have to wonder.
Andy:
Hi
Hecate…
(Hecate
gives him an odd look)
Hecate:
Um…
hello?
Justin:
Hecate,
I’ve run into some trouble... I don’t have any money left and I
want more chocolate.
Hecate:
I
– I only have £2, and promised my friends I’d eat today.
Nikita:
Now,
now let’s not look greedy.
(Hecate
says nothing)
Nikita:
Boys.
(The
boys grab Hecate by the arms, holding her back. Nikita goes over to
Hecate’s bag and raids it. She pulls out the money. Hecate looks
like she’s going to say something or struggle but she gives up.
Nikita holds out the money so Hecate can see it, then she throws the
coins at Hecate’s feet. Hecate flinches again but the boys hold on
to her and push her over.)
Nikita:
You’re
so weak. No wonder your mum hits you.
Andy:
Such
a pathetic worm in the mud.
(Hecate
looks like she’ll get up, then stops and falls down)
Andy:
That’s
right, don’t fight back. What will it do, make your mum proud of
you? That’s impossible.
Justin:
When
will you kill yourself, now or later?
Nikita:
Why
don't you just go cut yourself some more and run around trying to get
attention.
Andy:
Why
don't your mum slip into something more comfortable- like a coma?
Nikita:
Nice
Andy.
(Ellie,
Harmony and Billie enter)
Ellie:
What
the hell is going on?
Harmony:
Get
off of her!
Nikita:
(laughs)
later,
losers.
(Andy
picks up the £2 and the bullies leave.)
Harmony:
What
the hell was that?
Ellie:
Oh
god... Hecate are you okay?
(Billie
helps Hecate up off the floor)
Hecate:
I’m
fine. It won’t happen again.
Billie:
We
should report them.
Hecate:
No!
Stop!
Harmony:
Why?
We want to help!
Hecate:
You’ve
done quite enough. You’re not my friends. (she
exits)
Scene
8
(Woe
is alone on stage, very close to Hecate. No one else is on stage)
Hecate:
Today…
it’s different. She’s here but I can’t hear anyone. She’s too
close to me. It hurts and I don’t know what to do. I want her to
stay away but I can never leave her. I want this all to stop, it’s
too much… much too much. I can’t cope with this anymore. I just
want it all to be over but I can’t control it or tell anyone. I…
I… want her to die. I want it to be over. I don’t have the
strength to leave and she’s attached to me like an anchor, stopping
me from reaching what I could. Not anymore. I am stopping this. I
don’t know how. But I’m going to stop her. (she
looks defiant, until Woe puts a hand on her shoulder.)
Woe:
(softly)
I
heard that you want me dead… (shouting,
holding Hecate close- maybe a ribbon over her neck and she laughs)
fine.
Die with me.
Curtain.
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