There they run, through the woods unheard. Then she rounds the lead. A pure white wolf, stunning in the moonlight, runs through the darkened woods that seemed almost endless. She is leading her pack to safety for she has a duty to her pack to take care of all of them. She jumps, climbs and runs through the woods silently. She finally reaches a point deep in the woods that she thinks is safe. Her pack puts the pups together; sniffing them and making sure none of them are injured. She walks with her head and tail held high, not letting anyone see weakness. She is the female alpha and her mate was killed. Many wolves come and go, some die, others live. That is just the beauty of wolves. They all have their paths and ways of thinking. She lies by the river and watches the pups play a game of tag along the bank of the rushing river. I came with the hunters to see wolves. I stumble across her and the pups through a thick patch of brush. I turn my head towards the sound of the river and that’s when I saw the female wolf go into defense mod. She jumps up, tail raised, baring teeth, warning me to stay back. I freeze and get low to the ground showing surrender. I don’t want to hurt them, so I bow my head and reach my hand out, seeing if she will come near. She stays back but calms down, seeing I only wish for a drink. I go to the river slowly as her crystal blue eyes watch my every move. No other body movement, only the eyes that flicker a glance. I slowly come up to the river, dipping my hands into the chilled river. I take a sip and slowly back away. This is what I came to see, a pack of wild wolves. I walk away thinking I am so lucky to see her. I come back to my group. I sit down in my text and begin to write about the features of the female wolf that I saw earlier by the river bank with her pups. I begin to sketch, adding little details that I noticed about her. She seemed to have short legs, her tail was bushy and her paws were big for a female. Her eyes were crystal blue with a tint of hazel in them. Her ears had a little triangle slash at the top; her body was thin but seemed That night I saw her again on a hill howling to the ice blue moon. I thought to myself...
Now that’s the beauty of god’s creatures.
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139,495 Literary Works • 672,584 Reviews
'Hi there!
.
So you seem to have a pretty good start here. I liked your descriptive language and how you described the beatufy of the wolves.
There are, however, a few things that I want to pick on.
One of them is paragraphing. Or the lack thereof. Your story seemed to be bunched up in an absolutely massive paragraph. I think that you could divide it a little to make it easier on the eye. Not to mention that it also might draw in a few more reviews
Second is the pace. I feel that you have really rushed through the story. Especially in the middle part. Around here:
That part felt extremely rushed to me. I think that it might have something to do with how you begin all the sentences with 'I'. Remember sentence variation is nice. Try writing the sentence in another way. Perhaps you can start it with another word or similarly you can keep the I and follow it with some other word that's not a verb.
I think that those are the two main points that I want to pick on. All the rest of the story you have written well. So well done on that.
Hello Wolveness. Overall, I find this pretty good (is it something that really happened to you or just a story?). Anyway, I'd like to give you some tips:
I do not really understand the meaning of this sentence.First of all, the first sentence. I find this sentence not quite right because of the comma; it could be either after 'there' or after 'woods'.
There, 'seemed' should be in present tense.
This doesn't seem very right. Maybe you could put 'owes' instead of 'has'.
The word 'just' in there makes that sentence sound a little insignificant. You could probably right: 'That, is the beauty of wolves.'
I think you meant 'mode'?
'Text'?
I really like the way you describe the she-wolf.
I'm sure there was a problem with your computer in that sentence because it is not finished.
The three points after 'myself' are not used in that occasion; you should use either a comma or two vertical points.
Even with the errors though, I really liked it. Although I think you repeat the word 'pack' too much. Anyway, good job and I hope this will help you!