From the Heart
A line leads one way and another,
a part of the page it will soon cover,
pointed and round,
straight up and then down,
lightly shaded,
in some places it even fades,
success is not feared,
a picture appeared,
It's more then just art,
it comes from the heart
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I love art myself, so I enjoy this. The only thing I would change is the fifth line up from the bottom. I'd make it "and some places are even faded" just to make it rhyme a little more.
Wow, i agree with this part being magnificent. I really like the way you see art, because not everybody does. And what they do not see, is that it is a gift. A talent that sees the beauty in everything.
With me loving art, I wouldn't have cared the way you wrote it. It is truly wonderful, keep it going. And they already told you what needs to be fixed so you do not need my help, and I'm new to writing- so i cant help much. Just keep flowing the words that are inside. I guess is the best thing i can say.
Hello and welcome to YWS!
I think that this was just the right length to send home the affect it needed. I liked the rhythm, pace and fluency because it's well punctuated. What I would suggest is perhaps trying to put more feel into the poem, if you get what I mean. At the moment it sounds very "oh that was a fun read" whereas I want to be in the narration, shown your emotions, you know?
It needs that punch.
Keep writing!
Ben
Hello! I really like this, and I especially like the ending. I was a bit confused though, I thought the title was "art" because that's what's at the top, but then you bolded that first line, so I thought maybe that was a title, otherwise there would be no reason to bold it. Apart from that, this was nicely written, but I think your last line, which is really the concept of the whole poem, could be integrated into the poem more - perhaps you could describe what the artist is feeling, and how what they are drawing relates to that, and hwo is represents how they feel. Nice job.
That whole thing was beautiful! I loved it a lot, but when I read the ending, I almost cried because it was amazing!
Hey, I'm Dreamy, and I'll be your reviewer today. First of all, welcome to YWS! This was a nice poem. Your main problem was punctuation.just look it over, and you'll see why. You used commas instead of periods a lot, and you don't have any period on the last line. It's all right to have some lines that go together and have commas, but not a really long line that could be split apart. Then, in terms of your actual writing, I enjoyed this poem. It was simple and heartfelt, in a way. My one problem with your words was that you tried to rhyme shaded and fades. That doesn't really work, you need to say either "faded" or something else. You kinda do that with a lot of your words,but that was the only one that was really a problem. Nice job overall, keep writing!
--Dreamy