Missing You

It was a usual Sunday morning where I was doing my routine that was to jog. I put on my trainers and closed the gate before I headed to the park nearby. The Seonyudo Park. The park was full of scholars, most those in poetry and arts courses went there to get their inspiration. The park has small gardens each holding a type of water plants and aqua animals such as lilies and goldfishes. This park is in the middle of the famous Han River and it gives a spectacular and breath-taking view of the river and its surrounding. There's also a traditional pavilion that overlooks the river, a cafeteria, a green house and an exhibition hall on the river's history.

I jogged there with my earphones plugged in my ears listening to K. Will’s Love Blossoms. Oh, how the song matched today's weather. I jogged while enjoying the scenery which could put my mind to ease from the busy working days. I jogged past through a few trees that shaded me from the sun's radiating heat. I smiled. As I jog, I heard a voice. A too familiar voice. I halted and looked around. I spotted no one except a couple on a bench talking and in their own world. Seeing them made me feel sad. I looked at the happy couple, think how fortunate they are to be together and so happy, reminding me what I used to have. I continued to jog to clear my head of her telling myself that I need to move on. As my head cleared up, that voice again. This time, it sounded closer. And familiar.

I frantically searched for the voice but found none. My heart sped and I decided to take a break. I sat on a nearby bench under a large shady tree overlooking the lake. I looked around again in case I spotted the voice before I closed my eyes trying to calm my nerves. My heart calmed down a little but sped up again this time as I heard the voice again. This time it was nearer. As if it was right beside me. I heard the voice yet I didn't do anything as I thought I might be hallucinating it. Hallucinating about her.As my mind started to clear, I felt a tug at my sleeves. A few tugs made me opened my eyes. I couldn't believe my eyes.

I was greeted by a face that made my mouth gape at the sight of her in front of me. "Excuse me sir, can I have my cardigan back? You're leaning on it", said the female. "Oh...uh, yeah", I said standing up and handed her the minty-coloured cardigan that I didn't noticed before. "Thank you", she said politely and started to walk off. I snapped from my stance and quickly grabbed her wrist. I spun her around and immediately pulled her towards me, hugging her tightly breathing in her scent. Hmm, she still smelled the same. A minty scent for her sweet-minty personality. "Uh sir, what are you doing? Can you please let me go?", she said struggling to get out of my grasp.

I looked at her searching for her eyes that she was joking right now. That she joked on not remembering me. That she joked on not missing me. I hugged her tight and said: "Where have you been? Do you know that I've missed you so much? How could you leave me like this? Don't you love me, Sora?"

This time she struggled so hard that I had to let her go. "Urm sir, I think you've got the wrong girl. We absolutely don't have a history together and by the way, how do you know my name?", she asked looking at me with her concerned light blue eyes. I felt like I wanted to laugh. How can I be mistaken of her to someone else? She's my girl and mine only. It was impossible for me to mistaken her of someone else. "How can you forgot me, Sora? Of course, I know you. You're my girlfriend. How can I forget you? We've been together for 3 years. 3 years, Sora! That is, until you left me. But, you're back now, right? You're not going to leave me again, right?", I said my voice wavered a bit as she said didn't know me. That was impossible, right?

"Look, sir. I think you have mistook me of someone else. Yes, indeed, my name is Sora. Lee Sora to be honest", she said giving me her concerned look that she always gave to misfortune people. "But, that's impossible. Your face looks like her. Your voice. Your appearance. Your smell. And even you name. The way you speak. Everything are the same as her. How can you not be her?", I said my voice started to raise a bit in panic. A few people casted glances at us but I ignored them.

Kang Sora shook her head and motioned me to sit. I obeyed immediately. "Sir, we may look alike but that doesn't mean we're the same person. Do you know that everyone has 7 identical people? And that includes us too", she said holding my hands in her small palms. I started to come sense and was hit with a pang. "I'm sorry. I - I didn't mean to - I mean, you look like her. Really, like her. It's like a clone of her", I said my voice lowered as I came to realization that she's not here with me. That she's not coming back.

"It's okay. Maybe you want to talk about it? I don't mean to intrude but you look like someone that needs a shoulder to cry on."

"Do I? Hmm. Maybe I do. But not now. I don't feel like talking about it."

There was a moment of silence fell upon us. "Urm, I guess I should go", she said more of a question than a statement. "No. I mean, can you spend the day with me? I - I really miss her and I was hoping that if I could spend a day with her - even if it's not the real her - I could let her go and moved on", I said and my voice got quieter and quieter realizing how selfish I sound. Of course, she would reject. Why would she accept?

"Sure."

Her answer made me snapped my head towards her that I literally could hear my neck bone cracked. She smiled at me and asked for my name. "Yongguk. It's Bang Yongguk ", I replied.

We discussed on where should we head first and I've found out that she loved theme park. So, we decided to go there since it was her favourite place too. We tried various games and I had to catch up on her since she was running around like a little child. We even went on the roller coaster that had double loop even though I had to convince her on riding it with me.

Later in the evening, we went to the vendor streets where you could find all the streets food are available and freshly made. We tried on the famous spicy tteokbeoki in which you would cry in 5 seconds. Hahaha, joking. Tteokboki is a type of food made of rice cakes in spicy red pepper paste sauce.

I tried not to cry when eating it but it went into the drain because the tteobeoki were extremely spicy and I couldn't stand spicy food. After eating it, we decided to search for food that could ease our burning mouth, so we headed to the nearest stall which was the Odeng (fish cakes). It costs about 500 won a stick and it was the cheapest food that you could find on the streets. The Odeng was skewered on a stick and was left in a delicious broth which happens to be free.

After wandering around the streets and sniffing the air of delicious smells, we came across Seondae which means Blood Sausage. These blood sausages are common foods around the world. Korea's version of it uses coagulated pigs blood, glass noodles and barley, with pig or cow intestines for the sausage skin. They also come with a few slices of liver or lung on the side. Both of us were grossed of that food and she dared me to eat one. How dare she?

"Lol, sorry can't eat that. The last time I tried it, I vomited green and my body turned jelly after that", I said in defeat.

As night came, we decided to head back to the park and looked at the glimmering stars and the beautiful full moon. We sat on a bench that overlooked the lake and stared up. "Hey Sora. Sorry for thinking that you were my girlfriend. It was just - I can't let her go. I can't forget her. I can't accept the fact that she had left me", I said after a few minutes of silence.

"It's okay. I understand. Why did she left you?", she asked looking at me. I smiled at her grimly. "She had to leave me because she was ... murdered", I said and saw that Sora gave no reaction.

"I - I really miss her. Every day I dream about her. About both of us. Our happy moments. Our sad moments. Our first argument. Hahaha. Oh, how I wish she was here. I said to myself every day that she's not here, she's not coming back, that she's in a place where she's happy and she would be sad if she sees me cry. I told myself that I need to move on and every day I think that I had moved on until I met you. I have realized that I have not moved on yet and I hope after this day, I would be able to move on and be happy", I said looking up at the stars twinkling brightly thinking that Sora, my Sora would be up there watching over me having this conversation with a clone of her that I've met today.

"I hope that you would be able to move on, Yongguk because - because I'm Sora. I am your Kang Sora", she said holding my hands. Before I could say anything, her lips were on mine. Our kiss was slow but filled with emotions. Emotions for each other that were held back and nowhere to pour in unless it was the right person. Our kiss was a kiss where you could feel all the emotions whether they were anger, sadness, sorrow, guilt and most of all love.

"I'm sorry that I left you. That I left earlier. I suffer up there knowing and watching you live your life in sorrow, living like a time bomb waiting for its turn to blow up. It hurts me a lot that I can't help you to ease the pain, the scars that I left until today", she said looking at me.

At this point, I knew that I shouldn't believe her but my heart tells me that I must because she's telling the truth. That she's mine,my Kang Sora. I didn't realize that I've been crying until I felt her hands wiping away the tears that flowed freely. I cried in her hands telling her that I was sorry for not be able to protect her like I promised to, telling her how I wish I could rewind everything. I pour out everything and cried my eyes out till I was out of breath and for the first time since that incident, I smiled. A genuine smile.

"Yongguk, I'm sorry but I have to go. I hope that you would be able to move on and live a happy life. Don't weep on me. You will make my eyes misty", she said. I nodded and pulled her to a deep kiss. A kiss which may be our last and oh I wish this moment would stop. If it was the reality, I don't want to close my eyes and if it was a dream, I don't want to see the sun.

We broke apart and I watched her body changed to glimmering little stars and flew to the sky, to the serene stars and watched them twinkled brightly.

I was awake by a blinding, warmth light from my side and I looked around. I was on my bed and outside the sun shone brightly indicating that it was a new day. I sat on the bed confused on how I ended up there and I tried to recall yesterday's event. I remembered everything starting the point where I left my house till the day she went to the sky in glimmering little stars. I thought that it was just a dream and that it was impossible for things like that to happen in this modernized world until I saw what my hand gripped on. It was the minty - coloured cardigan in which she had used yesterday.

I brought it to my nose and smelled it. It smells the same. Her minty scent. I noticed that there was a slight budge in its pocket and I took it out. It was a note. After I read the note, I smiled. Now I know, that it was not a dream but a reality. A reality that no one would ever believe it except me.

"I'm yours and always be. I love you."