Published November 28, 2011
“Mom? Are you there?”
“I miss you, why won’t you come home? The house isn’t the same without you. Dad’s different too, he doesn’t really talk much and he doesn’t like to wrestle with me anymore. He’s upset about the car. Stanley is good though. He slept with me all night last night and I woke up with his furry head meowing next to mine in the morning.
“But it wasn’t the same as you waking me up.”
“Yesterday, I had a bad day at school. I wasn’t feeling very well and for some reason Julie and the other girls started teasing me. I was just sitting on the swingset, just thinking, when they came up to me. I thought that they just wanted to swing so I asked if they wanted me to get off. I wasn’t swinging anyway, I was just sitting.”
“The girls came up and started teasing me. They kept asking me why I was all alone. I didn’t say anything. Then Julie asked me where my snack was because ever since I let Julie try one, she’s asked everyday for another. I miss eating your cookies at school, Mom. I told them that I didn’t have a snack for the day, and Julie came up to me and told me that if I didn’t have any cookies, that I should just leave and let them get on the swings.
“Can you hear me, Mom?”
She hung up, paused, and dialed her cell phone again.
“Mom?”
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139,331 Literary Works • 672,537 Reviews
Hi!!
First of all, I loved your story! It is real and what impressed me the most was that it really sounds like something a child would do and say.
I don't know if I got your point, so clarify a little bit... I pictured in my head that her mother died ans she is trying to talk to her on the phone, is that correct? Or did her mother just leave?
The only thing I could find was:
You used "the girls started teasing me" twice. I think the first time wasn't necessary...
So, I suggest you tell us what happened with the mother...
Once again, I loved your story!
I can't wait to read more!
Keep writing and feel free to PM me if you need anything!
This is really sad. I'm not sure if the girl is talking to her mom and her mom just isn't responding... or if she's just leaving voice-mail after voice-mail. Either way, this really touched me. I can relate, especially if it's the mom not responding to her daughter. The ending "Mom?" gave it just the right touch, it feels like it isn't quite finished... and it is never going to end.