Confused and Knocking

Hey there!
I love the narration in the story. You can't stop reading and you actually care about the character, in a sense. You want to know what happens next why it happens. It's amazing. I really liked the pace of the story as well. It was fast but not to fast and there was always something happening.

Mainly, I think, what kept me reading was wanting to know the story behind Erin and Jay, why Erin treated Jay the way she did and mainly what happened to her. I mean, I detect a few clues here and there but the urge for a proper explanation is kind of hard to ignore.

Just one thing:

There were sirens screaming outside the windows.

Hi!
So, right off the bat, I adore your narration style! it's super strong, and super gripping. You write in a way that makes it almost impossible to stop reading, and I'm pretty impressed! You also chose a difficult tense to write in, but you pulled it off pretty well.

One thing, though, is that, you never marked out your dialogue. You need " " to mark out dialogue. Maybe it is your style, but it is a little bit awkward. Also, I didn't understand what your title had to do with the overall piece, but maybe that was just me.

You do a good job of instilling instilling emotion into your work, but you never fully pan out why your characters feel what they are feeling.

Overall, I really like your writing style and how your piece reads! Don't forget to go over a do a spelling/grammar check!
~wonderland

First of all, I loved the antagonistic perspective you wrote this in. Very original, and I felt like I could really get inside the mind of the main character. The way you write provides depth and emotion, even when the main character tries to appear to be strong.

The specifics:

I'd consider a different title, but that's just me. Only because I don't really understand how it pertains to the story, and also, profanity in titles can give a first impression to the reader that the story following will be sort of shallow and angsty, which yours is not.

I love the way you expressed the dialogue, in the same way you expressed your main character's thoughts. It really hits home, the personality of the main character, which is awesome.

Watch out for consistency in verb tense - there are a few places where the tense fluctuates, and that can be a bit confusing to the reader.

Like BenjaminMichael, the relationship with Erin leaves me a little lost. It's great for your reader to use their imagination and not state the obvious on everything, but I don't really have a foundation on which to build involving their past.

All in all, I loved it! Keep up the amazing work.

~Indie.

Wow. That was intense, man.
I've got to say that I remained hooked throughout the entire thing. It was a great read!
While there's not much for me to add, I would like to point out some things that I would have liked to see. Mainly, I would love it if you told us why she was so scared of the protagonist. You played around a lot with memory in this, and I was really hoping for some sort of repressed memory surfacing to explain why Erin reacted the way she did. You left it open to speculation though, and hinted enough at some sort of violence related motif that It's not really necessary, but it still would have been nice. That's just my opinion though. This is actually really brilliant, man.
Don't stop writing.