Young Writers Society

Ooh I love this a lot! The imagery is amazing. I especially loved the first part, where it talks about ceasar; the contrast of 'thank god' and 'good gods' really portrays the difference in opinion about Rome falling. And the last part, 'he will move star slow', took me a second to get but i absolutely love it. And the middle stanza, 'a glint of silver in his hand / behind the sleek red river / cascading down a dagger' is absolutely beautiful imagery. 'When you exist in eternity / seconds are nothing', absolutely love it. This was an utter delight to read, thank you, and it absolutely makes sense to me. This was amazing. Thanks.

Keep writing,

Oliver

Hi, Shikora here with a review, on your lovely poem.

Let's get to it.

I really like this poem, it was very interesting. What drew me in to read this work was the name, As I was reading this poem I saw a few things that I would like to point out, but I'll get to that in a little wile. I think you have a really good idea here with this poem, I really enjoyed reading it. As I read it I could feel the emotion and feelings you were trying to put into it, and that's really good, it makes your reader want to keep reading. So great job.

Now down to the review.
There were a few miner things and can be fixed easily.

The fist thing I saw was that you don't have that many fall stops or commas. If you don't have any if these it won't make your poem as smooth to read, because your reader won't know ere to stop and take breath.
So I'll show you a place I think you need a comma or a full stop.

the day rome fell
the once occupied could cry
to their heavens
thank god