z

Young Writers Society


12+

The Boy Who Survived

by adrianne222


     He was sad and alone. Shrouded with thick darkness in the deepest of the Earth, he waited. He waited as days turned to weeks, to months, to years, and to forever. Who was he expecting to come he did not exactly know. His savior could be God, a friend or his father but never his siblings, who did not like him, nor his mother who had left him before he could even learn how to count one to three. But why was he there in the first place? Every day he looked up looking for answers but saw nothing except a tiny light like that one found at the end of a tunnel. But unfortunately, that tiny light never faded as if no one cared enough to come and see him. Still, it did not stop him from believing that someday when he woke up, a rope will be thrown for him to hold on to. He still believed that someday he would be able to see the wonders of the world above. And with faith as his weapon he waited again for years, but as always nothing happened.

     The boy grew tired of his sick daily routine and decided to climb for a change. He realized that none except his own efforts could ease his sufferings and thought that his savior might be doing something more important than his piteous situation. “At least someone`s coming to save me”, he always told himself. Thinking that a rescue was on its way, the boy planned to climb and reach the midpoint of his prison where he will wait for his savior`s arrival. As he was ascending, he came across a horn with a hole on its larger end and then, he decided to stop and see what it was for. After doing all things unimaginable to the horn, he discovered that it produces any food its wielder wished for; from meat to fruits and veggies. The Horn of Plenty (or Cornucopia in Latin) instantly took away his hunger and greatly boosted his confidence on finishing his journey. But due to the abundance he was experiencing, he lost the urge to go upward and continue on. He thought that what was the use of reaching the top when he already had unlimited food the world above was scarce of. But soon he realized, after days of non-stop eating, how fool he was for getting tricked by the horn. The horn was a hindrance in disguise. And with his consciousness back, he continued climbing and threw the horn below.

     Back at the bottom where he spent his childhood it was very cold, but as he climbed higher it started to feel hotter and hotter. He was sweating all over his body, the same feeling two lovers felt as they dance on their lovely night. The cause of the sudden change in temperature was unknown but one thing was for sure, he needed to climb really fast. He stopped to rest for a minute when suddenly a ball of flames hit half of his face. The excruciating pain almost caused him to lose his grip and fall. And alarmed by the attack, he climbed faster than he ever did before despite of flames consuming his head. He succeeded on evading some of the attacks but with its increasing number and faster fire rate, he readied himself for a trip to Hades` realm. But it seemed like luck was on his side this time and he endured even after getting hit on various parts of his body. After climbing for a very long time, the temperature dropped down to its original level hinting that he finally escaped death. He was near his target point when he found another Horn of Plenty, but this time it offers its wielder an unlimited supply of wine. Unexpectedly, the wine had magical properties and instantly healed all his burns. He drank more of it since it made him forget all his sufferings. He became very much addicted to it that he again forgot his very goal. He drank, slept, drank, slept, and drank more. Fortunately, after days of too much drinking, he came back to his senses and knew that the horn was another hindrance. He threw the addiction below and promised himself to not let any of those trick him again.

     Finally, he reached the midpoint of his prison and was very excited knowing that his savior was nearer than ever. “He must be here in a few minutes”, he thought. But still nothing came and he started to doubt everything. Why was his rescue taking so long? Who put him in his prison? Was he locked up or pushed by someone? And if that so, who did it? He had so many questions that only the truth could answer. He had assumed too much that he forgot to see what really happened, the truth that he himself was his own savior from the very beginning. But still, due to his strong faith he removed all his doubts and resumed on climbing. Climbing was harder this time. It was as if gravity was trying to pull him back, and trying to stop him from getting hurt as pieces start to fill the spaces of his life`s puzzle. And as he was climbing, he found a pen and a book with empty pages. Then, he decided the best thing he could do with it and that was to write there his misadventures and how he overcame them. “The world above will know my story someday but it has to wait”, he thought as he started reminiscing his experience from childhood up to now. Writing was not really that hard especially when you enjoy doing it. This was the exact case of the boy who had just finished constructing sentences that best fit his taste.

     After he finished writing, he started to climb again. He was now very near to the top. That tiny light will soon be within his reach with or without his savior`s help. And finally after so many years of struggle he managed to reach his goal which was to escape from his depressing prison. He was very nervous as he put his hands on the edge of the hole but suddenly, a foot stomped on him. If his hands were not stronger than it used to be, he could have fallen. But he endured so much and some foot stomping on him was nothing. With all his might he ascended and readied himself for what he was about to see. The daylight was blinding and as the illumination faded, he saw the reality of his life. He saw his friends looking mad at him, his father who sat on his throne with two wheels and his siblings who looked unhappy by his arrival. In an instant the world he always dreamed of started to crumble and he badly wanted to just disappear with it and to not exist. The scene was really depressing but still he was thankful. Finally, he discovered the truth as well as his potentials. Finally, he did not have to wait for a savior who never existed. And finally, he learned how uglier life could be. He threw the book he had written into the pit and ran. He ran not because he was going to cry but because of his new-found freedom. “Today is the day for a new beginning”, he whispered himself as he ran gleefully away from the crowd.

*Note: The introduction/first paragraph shows how incomplete and empty I felt as a child. I have always wanted someone (savior) to help me enjoy life like other kids do.

*Note : The 2nd paragraph tells how fame/achievements (Horn of Plenty) fed my ego so much that I became too arrogant and lost my direction. But after losing the majority of my friends, I realized how bad I became and then tried to redeem myself by becoming nicer (= by throwing away the source: Horn of Plenty)

*Note: The 3rd paragraph reveals the bullying (ball of flames) I have experienced which resulted in my addiction to alcohol (wine from Horn of Plenty). The bullying also resulted in my suicide attempts (“a trip to Hades` realm”).

*Note: The  4th paragraph shows how doubtful I became with regards to the existence of God (Savior). This is also the part which tells how writing became my only weapon against the unfairness of life.

*Note : This conclusion explains the results of my adventures of self-discovery which were my conversion to atheism and realization of my limitless potentials.


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Fri Apr 17, 2015 12:34 am
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BlackCrow wrote a review...



Hey,From the minute i started reading i could relate to the boy...I love the way your words spoke to me... After all isnt that the thing we all want to achieve,i know there are few things i would personally change but we all write our own stories. While i was reading i kept thinking about whats behind the story and how deep it must be you know,and then i read notes and then it all become cristal clear. Maybe this isnt the best review you will get cause practically i didn't say anything other than how much i loved it but sometimes we all need to know that out there is someone that appreciate what we do,and here i am appreciating your work so i hope that that means something to you...Keep it coming ,i would love to read more your stuff..:D Best regards :D




adrianne222 says...


So sweet of you BlackCrow thank you :) Let`s support each other :)



BlackCrow says...


Lets do it :D



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Wed Apr 15, 2015 1:50 pm
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Lexie97 wrote a review...



is this going to be the actual story or are you just wanting reviews right now to make it better? If his is the actual story you shouldn't add the notes. We should be able to understand it from what we just read. Although I do have to say I enjoyed the writing. I really liked how you started it off, it got me wanting more information.




adrianne222 says...


Sorry :( I just learned that author`s notes should be placed after the whole story. My bad :(



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Wed Apr 15, 2015 1:19 pm
mariaclaira says...



The story does not really have a vivid picture of what you want us to see.
your odyssey references lack for the odyssey word itself to become the title, it this is the theme of your story, then I suggest you put more references. But, on the other hand, you have great usage of words, and a smart technique of putting your life into concept that really has a big and deep meaning, very good! I like it to be honest. keep on making more stories. :)




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Wed Apr 15, 2015 1:01 pm
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AttackOfTheFlash wrote a review...



Hello, Flash here for a quick review as requested.

The style in this work is very nice. It's descriptive and sounds pretty professional if you ask me. :) You defiantly know what you're doing, unlike a lot of people (including myself) who still struggle to find a solid writing style.

Basically, this whole story is one big fat symbol. It's symbolism of the boy's (your) "journey" of self discovery. It's a powerful theme that we can all relate to. Each human struggles and doubts their faith, whatever it may be. So, I applaud you for bringing your journey into words through the actions of a character. Writing is a therapy, and it certainly seems you have utilized it in this way.

Although, I have a few nitpicks:
-the first line is bland. The rest of the story has tons of details but the opening line is very dry.
-"Hades'" should be "Hades's." Even if a name ends with an "s" it still needs an apostrophe and an "s."
-Your notes throughout the piece. Yes, it helps us understand but having author's notes scattered throughout the work seems unprofessional and immature. You know what kind of people have author's notes scattered throughout? Eleven year old on Fanfiction. Trust me, I've seen it way too often. So, a word of advice: put them all in one big author's note at the end.

Overall you did a great job with this! I hope I wasn't too harsh. If you have any questions or comments feel free to respond with such. Keep writing!
~Flash




adrianne222 says...


Thanks !



Aeros says...


It should be Hades', the S at the end makes it its own plural.



adrianne222 says...


Ohh.. That`s what my English teacher taught me too. :) Maybe there`s a new rule? :) BTW, thanks Aeros :)



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Wed Apr 15, 2015 12:46 pm
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MaheenYasmeen22 wrote a review...



Hi, Maheen here for a review....

I'll be very honest here. The story sort of lingers over the same thing, but you have the ability to do that without the reader getting bored. I mean *the boy* kept climbing the hole in the entire story, but I was still very interested in what was going on, and I actually *to be honest* realised this at the end of the story. So thumbs up for that! I liked the descriptions at the end of each paragraph. Also, appreciate the appropriate usage of language.


One thing I'd love to add, however, would be the sort of issues you described the boy was having in the first part of the story, "lonely, abandoned by mother, mistreated by siblings, neglected by father" and of course 'bullying and mental torture' afterwards, are very common issues in today's world. Every second person tends to be the victim of one or more such issues. I found no torture or problem so extreme here as to become suicidal, I mean that is very big step and nothing as big or extreme exists which should make you do that. Every problem has a solution or an appropriate way to be dealt with. I am sorry to sound rude, but only people who have very low morales, and very less correct perspectives and they have not been counselled to think healthy tend to take suicide as the escape and solution of every manageable issue. I strongly believe 'bullying' would not even exist if we make ourselves stronger against it. People bully us because we allow ourselves to be bullied.


When you look into the lives of others and their experiences, you would realise how much you actually have. A lot of our problems and the chains which bound us from proceeding with our lives are merely mental, which can be broken any time with ease. So what if a mother or father abandoned a child? We are born alone and we die alone, don't let the worldly things to disappoint you. Cherish what you have, even if that's merely a dry piece of bread and nothing else. So you see most of our issues are just the aftermaths of our self-perceived imaginations.

Last but of course not the least, don't judge God by what He gives you. In which book did He promises that He will keep you happy at all times, with no distress or hardship at all? If He did that, only then you could say that God cannot be a liar who steps away from what He promises. So, since I am not happy, and I was never happy, so He doesn't exist. Instead, what He really promised are the more amazing rewards for those who were given more hard time in the world. Surely, this is a test and our chance to prove ourselves.

And again, look at others. People in Gaza, Syria, South Africa etc, they die everyday. But most of them are of course not abandoned by their parents and if they they are not bullied at school, what do you think should they consider themselves very lucky? Still they smile and cope with what circumstances they have been placed into, they accept the reality of life and fight with it. I call them strong and worthy of respect.

Once again, apologies if I sounded harsh but the truth is I think always bitter and harsh. And don't term me as 'ignorant' as I speak from self experience, I have been experiencing and COPING with every-above-mentioned-disaster since I was a kid.

I really do like the way you write, but to be more impressive or for the sake of improvement, try to make the content a bit less shallow. Hope that helped!




adrianne222 says...


Thank youuu for the effort. I learned a lot from you. :)


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You are very welcome. Was the story fiction?



adrianne222 says...


No.. It was based on my actual experience during high school days :)
Didn`t have good HS years :(


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So my review was not merely for the story, but also for what you are dealing or have dealt with.. Hope it made you feel better



adrianne222 says...


I almost lose grip of my atheism because of you :( I really admire theists (I bet you are) like you who`s really what I call a "Son of God". Many of my theists acquaintances don`t really possess the qualities I think they should have XD.


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Haha Thanks :) You should. Just imagine if there were no God? I mean if it were true what atheists really believe? There would have been no meaning to life. People would be free to do whatever they wish to with no sense of accountability. Plus the alternation of night and day, the balance and schedule of everything is a proof, a sign of His existence. Don't forget, He doesn't need you, you need Him, so don't despise your own existence by claiming that no such being exists. Plus your main issue is that you feel alone and abandoned, the only best solution to this lies in what I am telling you. There's hope, there's love, there's trust, and there are promises which He never breaks. He would never disappoint you PROVIDED you trust Him blindly. Furthermore, God is not a being like us, He's different, beings like us break promises, make mistakes, disappoint (which you already and have experienced), He's completely different and distinguished. So, He does not beget, nor is He begotten. He does not have children because these are attributes or humans, His attributes are completely different. We are His 'slaves' instead. You seem to be good person, so I thought of correcting you on what I think is right. Good luck with this :)



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Wed Apr 15, 2015 11:08 am
mariaclaira says...



The story does not really have a vivid picture of what you want us to see.
your odyssey references lack for the odyssey word itself to become the title, it this is the theme of your story, then I suggest you put more references. But, on the other hand, you have great usage of words, and a smart technique of putting your life into concept that really has a big and deep meaning, very good! I like it to be honest. keep on making more stories. :)




adrianne222 says...


THANK YOU SO MUCHH ,,,!,,,, actually it`s a homework given to us by our world literature professor. She wanted us to write our own version of "Odyssey" using our personal experiences. I`ll focus on using the five senses next time. Thank you !



adrianne222 says...


THANK YOU SO MUCHH ,,,!,,,, actually it`s a homework given to us by our world literature professor. She wanted us to write our own version of "Odyssey" using our personal experiences. I`ll focus on using the five senses next time. Thank you !



adrianne222 says...


THANK YOU SO MUCHH ,,,!,,,, actually it`s a homework given to us by our world literature professor. She wanted us to write our own version of "Odyssey" using our personal experiences. I`ll focus on using the five senses next time. Thank you !



mariaclaira says...


Oh, don't mention it, It's pretty good actually, I wish you well! :)



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Wed Apr 15, 2015 11:07 am
mariaclaira wrote a review...



The story does not really have a vivid picture of what you want us to see.
your odyssey references lack for the odyssey word itself to become the title, it this is the theme of your story, then I suggest you put more references. But, on the other hand, you have great usage of words, and a smart technique of putting your life into concept that really has a big and deep meaning, very good! I like it to be honest. keep on making more stories. :)





You can not put the entire Bee Movie in the quote generator.
— alliyah