Published May 31, 2009
Britney
BY Adrian
Britney, I’m sorry.
I built you up on a pedestal.
I gawked at every magazine photo.
I shimmied to every dance hit.
Britney, I’m sorry.
I squealed at every appearance.
I laughed at every executed joke.
I cried at all the right times.
Britney, I’m sorry.
I witnessed the breakdown.
I steered clear of any connection.
I watched the wild nights.
Britney, I’m sorry.
I’m here now.
You’re here now.
Author's Note:
It's a rough draft.
Points:
Time spent:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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139,516 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
I like the idea of this, and it is quite touching, but i find it to be pretty simple. The only technique i can pick out is repetition, and I'd like to see it spruced up a bit and made more interesting because I think this could be a really great read! (=
Wow. Rough draft or not, you've got something good here. I usually don't see poetry about actual pop-culture/people, but then again I'm not much of a poetry buff myself.
I do like the repetition, and how the meaning changes (think there's a word for that, but I'm not exactly sure).
I like how it goes from
To
You segue into it very smoothly.
A little polishing and you've got it nailed, methinks.
--Phanny
[Cue calls of "Who the heck is she?"]
Adrian!
What do you mean you didn't know you were missed? Pssh! (You better not leave again) xD!!!
Okay, I really liked this and I agree with June. This looks like it could be something really meaningful and beautiful, once you fix it up. Seeing as you're a fan, I'd love to see how you incorporate that into the poem.
Keep writing,
~Angel
Wow! I had no idea I was missed. LOL!
I've actually not been feeling "inspired" enough to turn out any substantial poems. Hence, the disappearance!
This is about Britney Spears.
I'm really hoping it will turn out to be something beautiful. But, I am a fan. I'm actually an enormous fan. Probably more than you care to know.
Thanks! And, I definitely will be around more!
Adrian lives!
You know, I was just looking back on one of my old, super-repetitive poems and you were one of the two people who reviewed it. I was wondering if you'd just... disappeared off the face of earth or something. Oh, but, poem and review!
By the way, it's June here. =D
So, right, poem. If I'm not mistaken, or if I'm just so tired I can't focus, is this about Britney Spears?
Either way! I'm really certain -- rough draft or not -- that this can turn out into something definitely well written. I like that it's like, "I did this, I did that" and not "You did this, You did that" throughout this, but you're not actually putting yourself into the picture until the very end.
One of the coolest things about poetry is that you can totally be all vague and still carry a substantial meaning in the poem. I'd love to know the connection between you and Britney-- whether it's a fan, distant friendship-- whatever, but I like the vagueness of this.
Great job, Adrian. Well done. Hope to see you around more.
Juniper