If I became a ghost
I would soar with lightning rapidity
To the peak of the highest mountain
From there behold all the earth
Spread out beneath me
Then I would jump
And let fall
With hideous gravitational attraction
If my form be truly immortal
Or dead, to death repulsive,
I then would sink to the deepest deep
Wrap myself in utter blackness and waves
Behold what the Almighty hath hid.
With kingly stature and highest disdain
Walk over the valleys and plains of the deep.
Eye wonders and treasures
man yet living has never known.
For a horse would be the whale,
In Poseidon fashion I would charge
and stir up the waters of the deep with Leviathan might.
With terrible fury erupting, as woman scorned,
or as the volcanoes of old,
with all-enraged water hot at my heels
I would blanket the coast
and sound like thunder through the raging tempest.
Invisible, I would dine with statesmen and presidents
Recline with celebrities of the highest repute.
At the self same time, through dreams,
engage the most scholarly of minds
and from Spirits learn of knowledge to man forbid.
Through the eons I would endure
Ageless and unchanging,
Constant as Constancy,
sited sure on my throne of all wisdom, all knowledge.
All would be the power.
And when the sun darkens before my eyes,
Eternity looks the despised enemy,
I would fly into space
into the blackest blackhole fling myself.
Though the fall last countless years,
the abyss seem bottomless
Yet finally I would die
and into nothingness pass my immortal jewel.
If I were a ghost
Alright it has a lot of Pizazz, and moxie.
I like the thought, =3 it really gave me a lot to imagine.
A lot of like terms and comparisons in the emotion of the poem.
Also, flows nicely ;D
However now for the not fun part of the review.
There is a lot of trailing thought ^^;
Example
"Ageless and unchanging,
Constant as Constancy"
The words here kind of circle, catch my drift?
Try using complacency in place of constancy, to get the emotion out there and fix the rhythm.
Or leave it.
"
If my form be truly immortal
Or dead, to death repulsive,
I then would sink to the deepest deep
Wrap myself in utter blackness and waves
Behold what the Almighty hath hid.
With kingly stature and highest disdain
Walk over the valleys and plains of the deep.
Eye wonders and treasures
man yet living has never known.
For a horse would be the whale,
In Poseidon fashion I would charge
and stir up the waters of the deep with Leviathan might.
With terrible fury erupting, as woman scorned,
or as the volcanoes of old,
with all-enraged water hot at my heels
I would blanket the coast
and sound like thunder through the raging tempest."
and this entirely was hard to read, xD It needs some hammering of the pen to kind of situate a form of flow,
It's a wonderful little poem =3 I hope I was being helpful.
all reviews are highly appreciated,thanks a lot
This poem is deep, dark, and mysterious.
I can relate, and it's very well structured.
This is an amazing poem. At times it seemed dark and distant, others bright and excited. I truly wish that I could write with such awe-inspiring pieces of work. I applaud you.
I applaude thee adistopper. This is one of the better poems that I have seen. It's not terribly cliche, and full of imagery. The only issues I have with this poem is the extra space in the last line of the first stanza. Just a simple fix. Also, the second stanza is a bit long. Then again that could just be me. You are doing a great job and I would like to see more poems coming from you. Keep writing!