Sleep

by adastra1923
  • September 9, 2012
  • Poetry
She lay in her parent's bed, and stifled her tears, 
she bit her tounge and ground her teeth.

As her tears escaped, so did a hiccup,
along with a thought and some pitty and anger that made her sit up.

Clutching the blankets, all tear-stained and damp,
she cried her heart out, for she couldn't hold back.

How could her father have done this? she thought furiously.
How could her mother have done something wrong? she thought with equal ferocity.

And with that, she slumped, and dried her eyes.
With a great heaviness in her heart and mind, with sorrow, anger, and hopelessness,
came a thought of her grandfather, and some grogginess.

Never could another human being understand, 
for only her mother could.

Never will she find love, 
for  this mistake, her lover shan't make.

This was her vow, and keep it true, she would.
And with that promise, sleep aid her, 
with a final thought that sleep should aid her forever.




Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
Xreigon
Review
Xreigon wrote a review · Mon Sep 10, 2012 11:06 pm

So...there is a formatting thing that could help with the delivery of this poem. In some of your stanzas, you capitalized the word at the beginning of the line and in some of them, you did not. I would suggest capitalizing the letter at the beginning of the line. This will give it more consistency in the writing style.

Another thing is that in stanza 4, you put her actions at the end. This seems a little awkward to me. Later lines in the poem are her thoughts too, so I would suggest taking out the, "she thought furiously" part at the end of both of those lines. If the fact that she was furious is important to you, you could make a new stanza that shows this. I do not think that it was needed there, though.

These are both nit picky things. The poem itself is nice. Thank you for putting it on here.

User avatar
unsocialbutterfly
Review
unsocialbutterfly wrote a review · Sun Sep 09, 2012 11:34 pm

This is beautifully written but what did her parents do? What does her grandfather have to do with anything? And also (which I know is very, very nit-picky) there are 2 spaces in between for and this. Anyways I just want to know what's going on haha.



It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
— Walt Disney