z

Young Writers Society


12+

In These Halls

by abduane


I took a walk 

Around the school
There are so many faces
And so many of them painted

Half of the students
Are going crazy
Due to personal
And school issues

The beautiful girl
With those gorgeous eyes
Spends nights crying
Because of her insecurities

The jock
Who seems to have it all together
Deals with his dad forcing him to do sports
And has no way of getting out of it

The alternative girl
May act like a girl who goes with the wind
But spends all hours of the night
Drawing pictures on her pale skin
Cause she feels alone

The geeky guy
Who seems to be so smart
Spends alot of his money
To gain multiple blunts

The shy, sweet, and innocent girl
Who is always there for others
Is struggling to find a reason to still believein love
Cause she was too nice
and he took advantage of her .


The quiet guy
Who never speaks
Has so much to tell the world
But is insecure that no one will like his ideas

All of this i saw
And had to embrace
That school today is no longer safe
And that the kids are dying instead of living  

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49 Reviews

Points: 61
Reviews: 49

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Mon Jun 05, 2017 9:49 pm
EKK15 wrote a review...



Hi!

I think everyone who reads this can agree with you; high school is all about putting forth your best face and suppressing what darkness lurks inside of you. My favorite part is about the girl drawing on her pale skin; there's something very emotional there for me.

Overall I think the poem was pretty strong, but I think you need a bit more detail to provide more intense emotional imagery. Make the reader feel like they know each and every one of these kids, and feel what they feel.

I hope you continue to write about the world around you, and expose the true humans behind their "masks"!

-E




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231 Reviews

Points: 3770
Reviews: 231

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Sat Aug 20, 2016 8:30 pm
dogsrule5 wrote a review...



I started high school, this past Thursday, and I wasn't really paying attention to all of this. I was more paying attention to my thoughts. Will I get lost on my way to class? and everything like that.

This poem is totally relatable, because I've seen people walking like this. So many things you never knew, until this year...

I started high school, and I saw a lot of this!

I hope to see more works from you in the future.

Keep up the great writing,
Love,
Dogs




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22 Reviews

Points: 378
Reviews: 22

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Sat Aug 20, 2016 12:33 am
5kKitty wrote a review...



This made my eyes tear up and I may have cried a little bit. I can relate to this in so many ways because I am one of those people. I often refer to myself as wearing a mask. I have many enemies because of it. People dislike me often. But I try to be brave for others, others who have problems in their lives as well. You have managed to speak through this poem something that I could never speak myself. Good job! Keep up the writing and...thankyou.

-5kKitty





Look closely. The beautiful may be small.
— Immanuel Kant, Philosopher