Published January 12, 2012
I was once a little lass
Sitting by the grass,
Looking up on the skies,
And my dreams are past the stars
I always ask myself this and that
How things end up to be such
These never change until I grow up,
'Til my heart learns to enchant
It feels I should solve a riddle
And I know 'bout it only a little
Across the sky, stars begin to twinkle
Still, no idea how to solve this puzzle
Please tell me what this is.
What is this strange feeling?
Why cannot I catch a sleep?
What is this feeling burning in me?
I'm completely blown-off
I'm puzzled with this stuff
I know this will be tough
For you can't be my other half
You're like the star that's hard to reach
And I am just only down here,
Looking up on you in my fullest fantasy
And I know this will only be until dreams
Doesn't every question has an answer?
Now please tell me your very answer
I want to hear it from you, My Mister
For I think I don't suit to be your partner
I'm feeling so uneasy
This feeling is somewhat crazy
Although I can already see,
I still don't stop believing
I just can't stop walking to and fro
My heart never wants to let you go
It still skips a beat, you should know
But I'm afraid to let this feeling show
Everything is a puzzle
I don't know how it ends up like a riddle
All I know is only a little
That it starts from when I was a li'l girl
I am never meant to be with you
For you'll just be my inspiration through
So I just have to keep my feeling on you,
Never to show anyone that I like you.
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140,191 Literary Works • 673,040 Reviews
Hi Abbie
That should be I was once a little lass.I read your poem and I think it is okay. There are a couple of things that need to be smoothed out here. But it has a good message and an interesting story. At first I thought it might be about the troubles of the world because you were writing about troubles and not being able to understand life. But then it was a romance poem which is also good.
I'm going to try and help you with some of your corrections.
I think the repetition of that should be changed.
What are these things you are talking about? I got the impression you were talking about life and its challenges, but you should be more clear on that.
I think it flows better if you say Please tell me what this is.
That line doesn't make sense.
For you can't be my other half.
I know what you mean, but you need to rephrase this sentence.
Doesn't every question have an answer?
I don't understand this.
What can you see? Make it a little more clearer.
I don't understand this.
So I just have to keep my feelings for you my secret.
Needs a bit of correcting, but apart from that it was good. Hope this helps a bit.
Deanie x