Published June 20, 2009
The hiding sunset
The air between day and night
Beyond the oak tree
The night sky runs deep
The purple black enchantment
Beyond; the stars bright
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140,605 Literary Works • 673,549 Reviews
I love these. You adhered to the form perfectly, and your imagery is beautiful and clear. The second is my favourite. I really love;
"The purple black enchantment."
It's a wonderful phrase.
If I were to be a stickler, I'd suggest that you think of a word other than "bright" as stars are usually described in this manner. It might be interesting to use a verb.
Hope this helps. Thanks for a great read.
Jas
This is really good, It must be hard to make an image in three lines.
I noticed that they are all connected to nature, is this intentional?
My favorite is the first, I can see the image exactly.
I don't fully understand the last, is this in the city, the constant change of colours being light?
All avoid basic cliched settings, like bright sunny days and cold winters nights.
I have read some professional Haikus and they often make a action happen in the haiku, that is just some advice.
In all of the haiku's the first two lines begin with "The", Is this intentional?
Wow, i thought that was really well written. The ideas in the text all fit together and create a perfect image