My parents, out for their anniversary,
They wave “goodbye!” and were out the door
Swift and quick, on tenterhooks
From my little bedroom window, I watched them go
He starts the engine, a smooth “tut- tut- tut”
And a “whrrrrrrr”, my father glides out, to the busy streets,
On a Thursday night, where my gran
Comes in and pulls me into her rotund arms,
Soft, yet scarred and tattered, as she plants
Little white
daisies on my cheeks.
My eyes are watering cans, and the flowers
bloom, and I feel them rooting into my heart
Silently, slowly, as the pendulum of the
longcase clock in the living room sways from side to side,
Just like how my mother and father are dancing
Under the hazy streetlamps, embracing one’s warmth
Humming a sweet melody that
they both knew back
in the 1900s.
My grandmother tucks me in, whispering
Little anecdotes, legends and tales,
Fantasies I never understood, myths that remain a mystery
My head, filled with blooming daisies,
Is buried deep within my quilts, and I hear
“Clop- clop- clop” from the sheep I count,
One, two, three, four, grazing in my daisies,
But the roots of the blossoms are in my heart,
And wherever my flowers may be, her love will always be within.
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;
Well this is quite a cute little piece here. I had my doubts going in since its rare to find a poem that's genuinely completely wholesome but at least as far as I understand it we do have ourselves just a simple little piece about how amazing Anastasia's grandmother happens to be and the love and care that they share.
I really love the way you describe the parents. It doesn't give too much bad on their side but you can see they maybe don't have nearly as much time for Anastasia as they should have and they find themselves away from her which is of course where the wonderful grandmother comes into the picture and makes up for all of that.
Its a beautiful little tribute to how much care the grandmother shows, how much time she spends caring for little Anastasia and just generally is a source of so much strength and love. Honestly I just have to say its a beautiful poem and be done. It paints such a lovely picture and I really can't think of much at all that could make that message any clearer.
Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!
As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!
Kate
Hai :3
This is so pretty!! It’s tender, nostalgic, and packed with imagery that makes me feel like I’m right there with you watching the night unfold from that little bedroom window. There’s such a warm, familial vibe throughout the poem, but it’s layered with this quiet sense of wonder and imagination that makes it all the more special!! Like, some of your imagery feels like a scene from an old film.
The atmosphere is absolutely dreamlike too!! I love how it starts with this almost ordinary scene of your parents leaving for their anniversary, but then you bring in all these magical, almost whimsical elements ~~ Like, the daisies blooming, the clock swaying, the sheep counting. The tone is sweet but a little wistful too, like there’s this quiet depth beneath all the lightness. It makes me feel like there’s a lot of emotion simmering just below the surface, out of reach from our grasp.
I'm in love with this image !!!
It’s such a soft and powerful metaphor for how love grows and settles deep inside us!! Especially with the earlier daisy metaphor, it’s such a soft and maternal gesture, like she’s sowing seeds of love directly into you. It's like your love and connection to her are so strong that it literally causes flowers to grow. It’s such a beautiful metaphor for how love takes root in us and how even sadness / tears can help love flourish!!
^^^ Honestly, the only thing I would suggest is leaning even more into those sensory details!! You’ve got such rich imagery already, but maybe adding a touch more about how things feel (like the texture of her “scarred and tattered” arms) or smell (what does the room smell like? what about the night air?) could make it come to life!! I'm not missing the emotion, but I'm missing the immersion into it. Right now, I don't feel connected to the narrative of the poem. It doesn't pull me in.
!!! This is sososo beautiful, I'm obsessed!!
This closing line is just perfect!! it leaves the poem on such a tender, heartfelt note, tying everything back to the daisies and the love that connects generations. This is such a gentle, evocative poem!! You weave together love, family, and imagination in such a magical way here ~~ It's like I can feel the warmth and care you have for your family in every line, and it never gets old. Amazing job!! ^_^
- Payton
This is actually the prologue of my poetry book! Be sure to check out other related poems at my website:
https://anastasiashenanigans.blogspot.com/