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He loved her, but oh God sometimes she scared him.
Those wide, bright, and innocent eyes could get you to believe that there really was a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow. But, he knew the difference between when she was acting and when she was being serious…and he knew for sure this time it was for real.
Why would she lie to him, anyway? She told him one of her deepest secrets…an unbelievable secret….but he believed her
There she was, staring blankly at her science copybook again, he could see.
The slight quivers in her arms and the way she was biting at her perfect lips told him one thing, ‘It was about to happen again.’
He wouldn’t know what to do when it does, though! Should he just let her black-out and fall to the hard ground without any support because he was ‘scared’ of what might happen? Or should he do the morally correct thing and catch her as she fell so that her precious body wouldn’t even make contact with the ground no matter how scared he was?
He’d have to find out when it happened. Anyway, the adrenaline rush was sure to kick into action soon, anyway.
As the moments passed by he watched her from the corner of his eye as to assure that she (or their science teacher) wouldn’t be freaked out that he was staring at her like a astrologist stares at the sky.
The trembles never died down, to his displeasure, which meant they had to be increasing, and with that her big eyes looked as if they’d been through all the tragedy in the world.
She looked frightened. I’m there with you, sweetie, is what he wished he could say to her, but he couldn’t…he was in the middle of his biology class.
The shakes and quivers seemed to be getting more and more rapid and powerful and he had to strain himself to keep his eyes on her because he couldn’t bear to watch her in this amount of pain.
Their science teacher stopped abruptly, “Is she ok?” the teacher asked him, and he shook his head rapidly.
“I don’t think so…” he whispered broodingly.
I need to find a way to keep her secret safe, His mind practically screeched at him.
“Maybe she should go to the nurses office.” He asserted abruptly, turning to the science teacher with pleading brown eyes.
“Right…here…” the teacher nodded staring at the girl, giving the boy a hall pass, “Make sure she gets there, though.” Said the teacher with worried looking eyes.
“I will,” the boy muttered and stood from his seat, pulling her up too and swinging her right arm over his left shoulder before walking out the door and into the hall.
He helped her walk…well really limp…to a safe place where no teacher, staff, or even students would find them. So that meant they’d have to limp all the way to the edge of the parking lot of the high school where no one ever went or looked.
He would take the way in which no one would see them: down the crazily steep stairs, through the freshmen hallway, and out the side door that no one ever locked, and just to the side of that door, was the edge of parking lot…the West side of the building.
The walk down the stairs was the most fascinating part f the whole journey.
He could feel her delicate and thin body trembling against his and it was increasing so much, that it felt as if he were the one who was shaking, not her. With each steep step down, he was afraid the pain of her would increase so much that she’d just faint like she was about to back in science class.
He took the final step down the stairs with as much care as a mother has for her newborn baby, when she collapsed and went straight into dream mode.
Thankfully, he had a good arm on her when she fell unconscious, and she was small and light enough for him to cradle her the rest of the way.
They went through the freshmen hallway, unseen, and out the side door, unobserved. You’d think he’d be a good spy.
He walked all the way to the west side of the building, and made himself and her comfortable. Good thing that the teacher never told him to come back, because she was sure to be unconscious for a while.
He waited there for ten minutes watching her beautiful dreaming face; her head was resting on his lap as he sat cross legged waiting for her to wake.
She was so gorgeous! Her pure brown curls resting on either side of her pale and beautiful face, and of course those eyelashes…God, when she closed her stunning eyes they rested on her cheeks as if that was their home.
Suddenly, a slight twitch of her eye made him certain she was about to stir.
She gasped and her eyes shot as wide as her mouth could be, sitting bolt up right on the ground, “John!” she choked out.
He steadied the girl, “I’m right here,” he tried to act brave when in all reality inside he was falling into a deep abyss of worries, doubts, and most of all: panic.
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Hope that interested you...if it did I'll write more. Review and be brutally honest! 
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,816 Reviews
It's a good story, it kept me in suspense till the very end, i was glad you didn't reveal her power, it would have made the story less interesting.
To make the story a little more interesting, you could describe the setting of the halls and the stiarcase.
it was very mysterious and makes me want to read more. why does she have to keep it a secret? does she have epilepsy or can she walk into people's dreams? is it some kind of power? i can not wait until you post more. it is very good. it keeps you interested and on your toes. keep writing and good luck.
I liked it but i thought it was a bit light, it's not a very good way of explaining the feeling i have about it but it's the best i can do right now. The secret is build up but i didn't get a sense of danger, maybe that's the point i don't know. Bearing that in mind it still managed to hook me completely, as people said not giving the secret away was great but i was also intrigued by the question of whether the two MC were together? He obviously likes her but are they just friend? That sort of thing but keep at it and keep posting more on this, i would love to read it.
I definitely liked it, and it totally captivated me. You have a great hook right from the beginning that makes people want to read more, and when you tell and show us the boy's emotions, it makes everything seem a lot more real. I won't go over the small grammar things, since maegardens already did. Also, the way he says 'her secret' and not 'our secret' interests me, just like the way you make it clear they are in a school. Everyone else mentioned a 'power', but i don't even know if there is one. I didn't think of it that way at first, but it does seem to make sense. obviously from your writing, it's clear that it causes her pain, something else that adds interest because it doesn't appear to be voluntary. so in other words, it's a great prologue and i'm definitely interested to read more!
P.S.: I'm new to YWS, so if you have the time, check out my first post
I liked it but it wasn’t really my thing. I am glad you didn’t give away her power because that is what keeps the reader in suspense, and I rely liked the descriptions too. However I didn’t think it was my thing and don’t know if I will read the second part sorry.
All the best.
To be honest, I’m enjoying the story so far. However, like maegardens warned you, try to not use too many comparisons.
I know that this is only the prologue, but later on the story I think you could describe more the places, people …
Good thing you didn’t revealed the “secret”. If not, I was not interested in the rest!
Good going, keep writing!
Yes . . . it does captivate me . . . go on . . .
I liked this piece. It was very interesting. I'm glad you didn't reveal her power; that keeps the reader locked in with your work. There were a some minor typos I found, so I'll go over a few of them.
As the moments passed by he watched her from the corner of his eye as to assure that she (or their science teacher) wouldn’t be freaked out that he was staring at her like a astrologist stares at the sky.
There's nothing you have to change here, I just wanted to tell you that I liked the comparison with him staring. Although, you can't use too many comparisons, or else the reader might get tired of them and go read something else.
The walk down the stairs was the most fascinating part f the whole journey.
I think you meant to say, "of". It happens all the time when I'm typing fast.
He took the final step down the stairs with as much care as a mother has for her newborn baby, when she collapsed and went straight into dream mode.
The "as much care as a mother has for her newborn baby" comparison is a confusing comparison that gets the reader off track of the story. I suggest either a shorter comparison, or no comparison at all. Remember, you can't use too many comparisons in a story, even though it puts a good picture in your head.
Her pure brown curls resting on either side of her pale and beautiful face, and of course those eyelashes…God, when she closed her stunning eyes they rested on her cheeks as if that was their home.
The eyelashes resting on her cheeks as if it was their home. I understand this, but it can be a little confusing. I suggest saying a simile that shows how beautiful the eyelashes are.
She gasped and her eyes shot as wide as her mouth could be
Now, for here, you're using another body part, which confuses the reader if she's opening her eyes wide, or her mouth wide. I'd suggest not using another part of the body, but maybe using an object to compare. That's about all of the suggestions I can say. There were a few minor typos here and there, but nothing too big. I liked it, and I hope you continue.