Daydreaming Train

by a_kittens_claws

Published March 8, 2010

This is a poem I wrote for this poetry contest....please review!!! :)




Little girl sitting on the dock,
she watches as the rain starts and stops.
She dreams of worlds neither black nor white.
She dreams of peace in the darkness of the night.
The little girl is near, but so far away.
She's lost on her own daydreaming train.
She imagines silence when there's too much sound.
She imagines shaking hands with everyone who's around.
The little girl knows her dreams may be a long shot,
but she's willing in the future to give it all she's got.
Even though life may be far from her dreams,
all she has to do is take a chance and believe.

Comments & reviews · 4
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a_kittens_claws
Comment
a_kittens_claws commented Comment · Mar 19, 2010

thank you :D

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BondGirl007
Review
BondGirl007 wrote a review Review · Mar 9, 2010

Hey Kitty! I really like this poem, I think you did a great job on it. It's different, it's got nice imagery, and the rhyme doesn't feel forced like most do. There are a few things I would edit out to make the flow better though.

She dreams of peace in the darkness of the night.


She imagines shaking hands with everyone who's around.


She dreams of worlds neither black nor white.


If you just make it flow a little easier, I think it would be excellent. Keep writing!

~Hope

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MoonStarVillage Comment
MoonStarVillage commented Comment · Mar 9, 2010

love it makes you think and love the rhythm



Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody I've ever known.
— Chuck Palahniuk