Published September 20, 2012
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141,344 Literary Works • 674,369 Reviews
I like how you nicely thought this thing out. Your rhyming is very good, and so is your grammar. This poem has a good story to it.
Although, it seems to crowded. To me, would not putting it into more separated stanzas be less claustrophobic looking? Just a suggestion. Maybe something like this:
Keep up the great work!!
~Rainn
Thank you for the appreciation
And yeah you're totally right about that, I hadn't considered that and the reason being because I write everything in a journal and tend to use spaces to separate poems instead of add structure to them (I'll add structure like that but I'm sure you get what I mean), but thanks for pointing that out I'll be sure to take that into consideration for when I put my many more writings to come on here. 