Places, Faces, and Their Tales

by aVeryThoughtfulBeing
  • September 19, 2012
  • Poetry
  • Lyrical · Review
A trail of vagabonds
Traveling along, each with a tale of their coming alongs
Called life, what you've done
There's experiene at the next light.
And I find myself in some small place
What I just call a minor day
A delay, is a town
Another field of experience.
Stretching back, happening now, and destined to happen
A unique place with exact position and condition.
Nothing special to me but who am I to say?
The faces and all the places seen today, show something differerent
A reverent place, a home with past and grace
Because even here experience lasts
People, things, happenings, come and go
Sadly there are many things I'll never know.
Comments & reviews · 1
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Rainn
Review
Rainn wrote a review · Fri Sep 21, 2012 3:35 am

I like how you nicely thought this thing out. Your rhyming is very good, and so is your grammar. This poem has a good story to it.

Although, it seems to crowded. To me, would not putting it into more separated stanzas be less claustrophobic looking? Just a suggestion. Maybe something like this:

A trail of vagabonds
Traveling along, each with a tale of their coming alongs
Called life, what you've done
There's experiene at the next light.
And I find myself in some small place
What I just call a minor day
A delay, is a town

Another field of experience.
Stretching back, happening now, and destined to happen
A unique place with exact position and condition.
Nothing special to me but who am I to say?

The faces and all the places seen today, show something differerent
A reverent place, a home with past and grace
Because even here experience lasts
People, things, happenings, come and go
Sadly there are many things I'll never know


Keep up the great work!!

~Rainn


aVeryThoughtfulBeing
aVeryThoughtfulBeing replied · Sat Sep 22, 2012 6:30 pm

Thank you for the appreciation :) And yeah you're totally right about that, I hadn't considered that and the reason being because I write everything in a journal and tend to use spaces to separate poems instead of add structure to them (I'll add structure like that but I'm sure you get what I mean), but thanks for pointing that out I'll be sure to take that into consideration for when I put my many more writings to come on here. :D



You have to be a bit of a liar to tell a story the right way.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind