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Young Writers Society



Hammer and Saw

by aVeryThoughtfulBeing


What is seen when there's nothing happening?
What does it mean when there's no meaning?
What is a fiend when everyone's fiending?

Make somthing from things that you saw
And hammer it together with passion for your cause
Kill and refashion your most bothersome flaws
Still a clashing in thoughts hurting what is saught
FIll the head with other thoughts furthering what is fought

Put it all together with a hammer and the saw
Thoughts of what has happened in pause of the fall
Make it all better with refashion of it's flaws
Take it all, be a getter, and gather all the scraps
Throw them all in a box and toss it with the rats
What does matter, keep it there, with passion for your thoughts
Take the task of making fair, make it last with action and care


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92 Reviews


Points: 294
Reviews: 92

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Wed Sep 26, 2012 5:34 pm
anna91423 wrote a review...



Hi, this was a really interesting poem. It left me feeling a bit confused, and I've re-read it a couple times and am still a bit confused (then again my exhaustion could have something to do with that!).

The things I liked:
The juxtaposition of fixing something with a hammer and saw, when the usual connotation is destrustion. I also like the use of weak ceasure mid-line, allowing the reader to stop and think of what is being said before moving on. I liked that it's the kind of poem that can be interpreted in different ways for different people, when I first read it I thought it was about protesting against wrong things ("passion for your cause"), but in second reading I thought it could also apply to someone who is unhappy with their appearence ("bothersome flaws"). I loved the metaphor of "throwing them in the box" and the overall effect of imagry throughout the poem. Finally, I liked the range of vocabulary you used because it kept things interesting.

Things I disliked/the confused me:
I didn't like that the first question did not follow the same pattern as the other two (seen is not a morpheme of happening, but mean is of meaning). I also thought the rhyming scheme didn't work, at least for me. Your poem was about something that needs fixing, and this seemed to oppose the way in which your lines rhymed perfectly with one another. I love the use of rhyme schemes in potry, but I think this one was over done and didn't suit the message as I understood it. Finally, I wish an overall message could have been made clearer by the end.

All of this is just my personal opinion though! I enjoyed reading your poem, it's definitely made me think, and I'd be very interested to read more of your writing in the future! :)





The continuation of our world depends more on the survival of the kindest than it does on the survival of the fittest.
— Arcticus