The world is a test
You will have to complete this fest
And try your best
Dear friends, on your face this smile
Don’t let it get destroyed by disgusting wiles,
Don’t let it end
Because you will be having trustworthy friends
Don’t get torn down by the bitter words
Don’t fall down because you are hurt
I know that you still have hope
And you have a potential in you
You know what you have to do
Believe that destination is near
Don’t drown in your fears
Because people will jeer
Dear friend,
Don’t let you courage get destroyed
Because you know that your hope isn’t a toy
You know the potential in you
Of which this world has no clue
Fight your way through the storm
Without the fear of getting torn,
Without being afraid
And you will see success in your way
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,855 Reviews
I very much liked your theme. I think everyone at some point in their lives should read something like this.
First, I think you should change your title. You don't have many exclamation points in your poem, so you shouldn't have any in the title. I think if you put the word "goal" in your poem, it would make more sense.
Also, I think you should add more specific examples toward the halfway to end part of the poem. An example would be "Don’t get torn down by the bitter words," which you added. I think those sound very good, and maybe some things like "don't get lost..." would do.
Finally, just a suggestion, I think you should add some commas after the sentences and separate the poem into stanzas. This might help with organization. But, some poems don't do those two things, so it's really your choice.
I think you had some very smart rhyming that you managed to keep throughout the poem. I loved your topic and I think you're a very good poet.
I think this review is gonna come out a little harsh, so I am apologizing in advance right now. Sorry!
This poem has a good theme to it, but the it wasn't very well developed. It seemed as if instead of developing that theme you were devoting your energy to keeping the rhyming pattern going, which made for some strange words that didn't quite fit what I think you seemed to be trying to say. I think it also made it a little more difficult to get your point across, but I could be wrong. So, my suggestion to you is to, in the future, experiment with different rhyming patterns, or even a vignette, which can really help you get your point across in poetry because it has NO rhyming pattern.
Anyways, this was a good first YWS poem, and I wish you good luck on your next one. let me know when you've got it out if you want me to review your next one. Again, sorry for the harsh review!
herby
Actually that remark wasn't hrash i must say and no need to apologize......I do need a lot of honest reveiws so that I can become a good poet I will keep your points in my mind when i write a next my poem