Bearing down on me
Sky blue flees encroaching black
Insignificant
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
Hi, I would like to make one particular point clear: haiku in general don't have title.
Now, on to the haiku: I rather like it, although, in my opinion you shouldn't make any kind of reference to yourself:
Another thing is that you should try to play with the words, because, for example, the word "encroaching" simply does not fit in with the haiku, and the same goes to the word "insignificant", which disturbs the whole "flow" of the haiku (forgive me for using such a vague word).
One last thing that bothers me is this:
I believe it would have been better if you had written Blue sky instead, because its like playing off key.
In short, this haiku is nice , even though it needs some fine tuning. You should continue to write haiku, and I would like to mention that all the advice written here is strictly my opinion on things and that I am by no means a professional at writing haiku.
Awaiting your next piece of literature, ab5986.
P.S.
Incidentally, that haiku of Basho you have on your signature is my least favorite haiku of his.
Hello! Welcome to YWS! If you have any questions with my reviews, simply PM me and if you have any questions about YWS simply PM a moderator, like Snoink or Rosey Unicorn.
I also suggest you go to the Welcome Mat if you haven't already done so
Hm, I'm not fantastic with haikus, so you can totally disregard this if it doesn't make sense at all
First, I see no real topic in this. Sure, you have nice words and all, but sometimes the most beautiful of haikus are the most simplest. I suggest totally rewriting this.
Second, what's the title? What's it about? You need to tell us
That's all I can really see to do about your haiku. As I said, PM me if you have any questions about this review in particular.
Lavvi