(oh, scribbled something down during class. critiques are more than welcomed ^^ )
Pretty little mongrels
how beautiful you are
with your pretty little brains
with your pretty little eyes.
Adoring little bastards
how amazing you are
with your adoring little prick
with you adoring little butt
Lovely little idiots
how fucked up you are
with your fucked up little knives
with your fucked up little words.
Hush, pretty little boy.
Hush.
Pretty little boy.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Pretty little mongrels
how beautiful you are
with your pretty little brains
with your pretty little eyes. -replace 'with' with 'and'
Adoring little bastards
how amazing you are
with your adoring little prick
with you(r) adoring little butt
Lovely little idiots
how fucked up you are
with your fucked up little knives
with your fucked up little words.
Hush, pretty little boy.
Hush.
Pretty little boy.
Wow. You're nice. Um.. I.. wow. Your a good poet I guess, but this.. I guess the rating is pretty accurate. Scary... is the narrator, like, a teacher? Referring to her retarded little asshole students?
Keep writing.
Nice idea, but I think it could be better put-together. No wonder seeing as your just "scribbled it down during class"! I congratulate you for that.
Ok. Love the first line. Very engaging and I think it sums up the poem beautifully. I think the second line doesnt really flow though. And some punctuation would help a lot (comma after first line).
This seemed pretty repetitive and I think it just reiterated what you said in the first stanza. I felt like you stayed on one pitch for the entire poem and didnt really take us anywhere. Expand. Also the adjectives in this second stanza are a bit unneccessary and weak.
Mmm, seemed like a non-sequitur.
I liked the last few lines but I think it didnt really fit in with the tone of the rest of the piece.
I actually really like it.
It reminds me of a passage I read in a book one time, but for the life of me I have no idea what book, or what the passage really said. It just reminds of me it.
I'll admit that "knives" and "words" don't fit as well together as some of the other pairs, but you've still done a really good job on this poem. Kudos.
This is a little hard to interprete for me, poetry isn't my thing, but this makes me thing of the so called 'gangsta's', who walk around calling themselves 'playa's'.
'with your adoring little prick' makes me think of a playa. And with the 'with your fucked up little knives, with your fucked up little words', for some reason it just makes me think of gangstas, tryna act all hard core with their knives and going round insulting people and stuff.
My interpretation is lame, sorry, it's just what the poem made me think of.
But i really like the tempo. When reading it, i could pretty much hear this a a song.
With most lyrics it's pretty hard for me to imagine that.
Anyway, nice job.
Sorry i couldn't make this more helpful or whatever, but like it said, poetry isn't my thing.
"with your fucked up little knives
with your fucked up little words."
I Like your little poem you got here but this part I quoted right here makes no sense to
me at all. What is up with the knives? What is the person saying?
The poem is good well put together. But this part is hard to understand.
Good Luck with writing Gothgirl01