What a way to start the mourning,
coffee and a cigarette to start.
We miss our time to cry and tear away our yesterday.
And our silence drives away
the memories of that ex girlfriend
and how shes sleeping with her new fiance.
Smokes and a shot of something hard for the entre,
im guessing whiskey because of where you claim to hail from
and i taste it on your lips.
We have ourselves a walk
and search for places to park
our second pack of used up filters.
I force a laugh
you try to curse
and we stare into each other for ages
Just watch the smoke drift away
and curse the start of the new year.
The dawn of this new age sun sets with our generation of haves and have-nots.
daddy's cash, his trophy wife,
and the quarterback son that got away with murder
when he made your boy eat a bullet.
We have ourselves a walk
and search for places to park
our second pack of used up filters.
I force a laugh
you try to curse
and we stare into each other for ages
as we see the world in black and white
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125,017 Literary Works • 672,850 Reviews
Hey!
As Kat said, if these are lyrics then you'll want to move them to the actual Lyric forum.
But, I'll review them anyway, for now.
It's kind of sweet, what you've written. I'm going to sound totally fail saying this, but it seems sort of quirky and edgy, at least in my opinion. I can imagine it sounding very cool as a song, though.
You have a nice style. One thing I would say is take a look at your grammar. You have some apostrophes missing and some uncapitalised Is. Grammar is still important.
~Amy
Just wanted to say something: if these are lyrics, then this is in the wrong forum. This is for poetry, there is a Lyrics forum. Please ask a Moderator to move it for you
I really liked this,
''We miss our time to cry and tear away our yesterday. And our silence drives away the memories of that ex girlfriend and how shes sleeping with her new fiance''
I love how you've put that line,
It gives you a wonderful, pretty intense image.
Well done,
Keep up the writing.
that was kind of beautiful.
I love that line.
I also love the... chorus?
I like the juxtaposition (right word?) of walk and park, as well as forcing laughter and anger.
And the last two lines were fantastic.
Although I don't know how the are seeing the world as they look into each other.
You should probably say something like
or something to that effect.
That's really my only nitpick. Great job Zenjoy.
Empress