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by Zenith

"What is a home? "

She whispered in my ear.

And those eyes, so eager and innocent, held mine.

We were chasing butterflies,

Our laughter echoed across the twilight air.

And all of a sudden she sobered up,

From this unanticipated hit of curiosity.

She was so tiny, my responsibility,

I was her proud brother,

Not by blood,

But by the bonds that we had forged together.

Here in this orphanage, with hundreds of others just like us,

As we dreamt of a place called home,

And a family to claim as our own.

I smiled at her,

" Somewhere you are happy,

A place where someone always thinks of you,

A place you will always belong to,

That's what a home is"

She nodded once and then hugged me tight,

As if with me is where she belonged.

I shook my head at her childishness,

And promised her quietly,

"You'll find it soon."

Alas, fate had something else in store.

All of a sudden, one day,

I was introduced to them both.

Two kind faces and empty hands,

Held out, beckoning me.

Before I could even comprehend it all,

The woman embraced me ,

Encompassed me with a warmth that was unknown to me before,

A mother's love.

And shielding us both were two strong hands,

That could only belong to a father.

As an afterthought, I realized,

Time always escapes the fastest

In moments that we cling onto the hardest.

There were thoughts I had to convey to her,

Feelings to express, memories to cherish.

But will her little mind be able to grasp any of that?

So all I could do was silently nod

As she whispered, "Shall we meet again?"

I moved on, with a family

That eventually became my own,

Never really learning to let go;

Caught in a dilemma.

A part of me wanted to own every possibility that the future promised me,

Another half just lost in a random memory,

Of a young girl chasing butterflies.

Maybe, this was the home I had always dreamt of.

And still not the one I could call mine.

I thought I would find it in my own sweet time,

First, I had all these moments to create,

Let the colorful canvas of my mind ignite the gray reality.

Show the world I had enough sunshine to paint my own rainbow

Make everyone acknowledge my existence.

I could feel it in my veins as I conquered every zenith,

Yes, I was alive.

But not home.

Even in those million eyes,

Around the world,

Every country that I stopped by,

And all the friends I made

Who blended into my soul, piece by piece.

There was still that one missing,

The one that made it home.

My mind kept wandering,

Entangled in a lone memory,

In search of a little girl chasing butterflies,

And my heart echoed with a question,

"What is home?"

Until I found her one day,

The eyes that had haunted me for so long,

Aged with time and yet the same

Innocent, lit up with an unspoken familiarity

When they caught mine

And strangely, here, in a distant land

Faraway from where I've always lived,

Yet somehow I just knew,

With her, this is home.

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66 Reviews

Points: 100
Reviews: 66

Sun Jul 28, 2019 3:31 pm
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Starve wrote a review...

Hey Zenith, again a late review.
I started writing this over a week ago so it might be a bit haphazard.

I like how you never lose the thread of the crux of the poem as it progresses, thus it flows well and is surprisingly easy to read.
I like that the complexity of the theme and the total length of the poem are sufficient for each other.
I like that the start and the end.

Some of these are double edged though.

In the middle, it became a little bit too easy to read, becoming closer to prose than poetry, perhaps in a hurry to move ahead with the plot. Still, it's not a major issue. Which is why this won't be a long review.

Still, here are some suggestions -

-I'd say that parts are too vague. Take some time out, add some specificity, make the individual lines stick. Specificity in Poetry

-- Capitalization and punctuation are some aspects of written poetry often paid less attention by beginners, so a word about them.

- The capitalization - every first letter is capitalized (Which is the default for MS Word iirc ). You might want to be a bit more conscious of capitalization and punctuation, especially as there wasn't much going on poetically otherwise here.

Capitalization in Poetry

- Same goes for punctuation as capitalization. Some of the sentence lengths and commas are breaking the flow.
Punctuation in Poetry

Read through these articles, observe and make changes if needed as you see fit.

You've improved a lot since your first work.

Keep writing and sharing!

Zenith says...

It's weird that I never got any notification for this review. And so, my reply is more than a little late. I'll check out all the necessary articles and make out the necessary changes. Also, I'm always grateful for your reviews. :)

User avatar
562 Reviews

Points: 14535
Reviews: 562

Sat May 11, 2019 3:19 pm
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...

Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a short review for you on this lovely night, and to help get this out the green room.

Okay let's start with the review.

So I'm glad to say that I couldn't see anything wrong with your poem. It was just so well written, everything just flowed together really well. But I would like to talk about what made me come read this in the first place.

It was the name of your poem, 'Home' it's just a welcoming name, and yet in your case it holds so much emotion and meaning. And when I knew I had to come read your poem and I'm glad I did because it was not what I thought it would be like.
Everything about your poem was just amazing, with the words you chose it told such a good story, and in away you added really good description allowing me to be more connected and have a good image in my head.
Your punctuation only made it better. The flow went so well with the things you were trying to bring across. I also liked that you made the poem longer, it helped with the story you were telling us.

Over all this poem was really well written, I'm glad I had the chance to come read your poem, and review it. I hope you don't you wont stop writing and post on YWS soon. I hope you have a great day or night.

Your friend
Reviewing with a fiery passion.

Zenith says...

Thank you FlamingPhoenix!
I was afraid that it being so long, people wouldn't want to read it. But I'm so glad you liked it.

User avatar

Points: 161
Reviews: 4

Fri May 10, 2019 3:51 pm
Fearful wrote a review...

Dear Zenith,
This was a very lovely poem to read. It flow well and makes you feel warm inside. I really love the way you described the main character, how they felt and what they observed.
Here are some quick typos to fix before I continue:

Let the colorful canvass of my mind ignite up the gray reality.

I believe that you meant to say canvas instead of "canvass". :) Also, I think you can take the word "up" out of sentence, I think it is unnecessary.
Overall, this is one of the best poems I've read and really sweet. It makes me want to read more of your poems immediately. Which I think I will go and do soon.

Zenith says...

Thank you Fearful for correcting me out. I have made the changes. Considering the fact that I am not a poetry person, it's nice to know one of my poems has turned out ok. I'm glad you liked it.

Fearful says...

You're really not a poetry person?!? If this is just an attempt at poetry, then I'm sure your other works of writing must be even better. This really was an amazing poem and I hope you don't stop writing anytime soon.

Zenith says...

Thank you so much for these words of encouragement. You really made my day.

The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet.
— Aristotle