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Forgiveness

by ZeldaIsShiek


Forgiveness is like a virus;

once you are forgiven,

you can't get it again.


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16 Reviews


Points: 338
Reviews: 16

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Mon Jan 09, 2017 5:24 pm
GoldenArrow wrote a review...



I LOVE IT, ITS SHORT AND FUZZY, hahaha I am joking, hi this is Golden Arrow coming for a review, I do love your poem because I like how its one of thoughs poems that are short and sweet, great job! awesome poem and their is nothing you have to improve about it, it is honestly, pretty awesome, so keep up the great writing!




ZeldaIsShiek says...


Thank You!



GoldenArrow says...


shore thing :D



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38 Reviews


Points: 1705
Reviews: 38

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Mon Jan 09, 2017 4:12 pm
CharlotteS says...



So I liked this poem. I think it didn't quite reach it's full potential though. It's length is fine and doesn't bother me but it's hard to read it as a poem. What is the story behind this? Why do you say you cannot get forgiveness again? I feel there should be more detail, a back ground story to the poem if you will. Of course this is only opinion. I tend to go on for quite a bit when writing so it surprises me when someone writes a short piece. But that's just me. I enjoyed reading this and hope to read more of your writing in the future.




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38 Reviews


Points: 1705
Reviews: 38

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Mon Jan 09, 2017 4:11 pm
CharlotteS wrote a review...



So I liked this poem. I think it didn't quite reach it's full potential though. It's length is fine and doesn't bother me but it's hard to read it as a poem. What is the story behind this? Why do you say you cannot get forgiveness again? I feel there should be more detail, a back ground story to the poem if you will. Of course this is only opinion. I tend to go on for quite a bit when writing so it surprises me when someone writes a short piece. But that's just me. I enjoyed reading this and hope to read more of your writing in the future.




ZeldaIsShiek says...


Thanks!



ZeldaIsShiek says...


Thanks!



CharlotteS says...


Sorry, this review posts twice for some reason....woops%u263A



ZeldaIsShiek says...


Okay...



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43 Reviews


Points: 135
Reviews: 43

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Mon Jan 09, 2017 3:52 pm
honeymoon wrote a review...



Hi Zelda! Rose here with a small review.

This poem is short, and the length doesn't bother me too much, but I feel like you had a lot of opportunities to make this a wonderful poem and it was kind of passed up. This poem was overly simple. It seemed like a simple statement that didn't express any feelings. In the first line, I see how you were trying to compare forgiveness like a virus, but the following 2 lines do not flow with the metaphor. It is hard to write a short poem and combine all the feelings and emotions you are trying to display. Word choice is key. The word choice in this poem seems very effortless in a "bad" way, which makes people not pulled in to read and enjoy it. The meaning of forgiveness can signify many things, and you can tie in forgiveness with many metaphors, and you passed those up with this poem. Those things make emotions very clear and make the poem have a deeper meaning. The flow wasn't bad but if you were going to continue with the simplicity you went with, I would suggest making it longer.

Hope this helped!




ZeldaIsShiek says...


Thanks! The next two lines do tie in with the first because once you get a virus, your body builds up immunity to it and you can never get that virus again. This is true because you can not be forgiven for the same mistake twice. That is what I was going for.



honeymoon says...


Oh, I understand. But i guess the wording of it threw me off, haha. My mistake :)



ZeldaIsShiek says...


Yeah, I should have said something slightly different.




Spend your days thinking about things that are good and true and beautiful and noble, and you will become good and true and beautiful and noble.
— Matthew Kelly