Published September 24, 2010
This is what the world comes to. Death. Fear. War. People wonder why there are so many suicides and murders, but look at we are living in. We live in a world so consumed by hate, there is barely and room for peace and love. We wage war on others so they can't come onto our land and kill thousands. But that's just we are doing to. Going on to enemy land, killing thousands of innocent people just because someone didn't agree with you. The leaders in this world act like a bunch of five year old children, fighting because they didn't get what they want. Everyday solders kill thousands of people just like themselves, with family, friends, love, children, just because they are on the other side of the line. Its no different than killing your neighbor. Is it okay because its us killing millions and not them?
They say earth is the only planet in the milky way than can sustain life. That humans being here along with everything else is a miracle. But then you look around at the life that lives here. All the death on this planet, the fear, the hate, makes this world not a miracle but a nightmare. We try and make everything perfect, but everybody's view of perfect is different. Every country has one greedy person who wants everything to be their way. They set so many restrictions that they themselves don't meet them.
And nobody is willing to change. They see what they are doing but they just keep doing it. People who try and tell others what the worlds coming to are teased and called hippies, even though everyone know they are right. Just proving their point. People are told straight in the face that what they are saying and doing is wrong, but they just push it away.
We are going to kill every thing that's ever existed on earth, just so we get what we want. It's not worth destroying the only planet that can hold life over hate. But nobody is going to change their ways. Nobody thinks about the aftermath of war, death, hate. They just want it done. And nothing can stop them. All we can do is wait.
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140,597 Literary Works • 673,549 Reviews
This piece was good, but there are still a few things I noticed that could be better. First of all, the ideas contained within the sentences are a little bit repetitive. Fore example:
These two say basically the same thing. In the first paragraph, you use the words death and fear as part of your main point, and they seem somewhat redundant. Instead, try using synonyms, or even combining them, maybe using a word like calamity. This sentence doesn't make very much sense, and doesn't go along with the topic of the paragraph very well. This sentence sound informal. Who exactly are [i]they[i]? If you make that more clear, it should be fine. Who just wants what done?Now on to more minor matters, specifically grammar. These are both sentence fragments. This should be "That humans [i]are[i] here, along with everything else is a miracle. This seems a somewhat disjointed, try combining the sentences with a comma(yes I know this isn't grammar, but I am scatter brained). Although many authors do this, starting a sentence with and is not grammatically correct. Try using Additionally, or some similar word/phrase. That just about covers everything!
Okay! wow! that was life changing, and so true. Humans can't see the world clearly. i love the part where you wrote about the wars, its so true! people shouldn't be bombing other countries,we should be try to find a better way to solve problems...
anyway, keep on writing! i totally loved this one
~Book Person~
other than what TIGERSPRITE said, pretty nice job. It's nice to get a taste of reality.
There is nothing but truth in this, and I can easily recognize many of things in it. But let me help you with a few mistakes.
First underlined sentence should be: there is barely any room for peace and love.
Second underlined sentence: too
Third: onto, not on to.
Fourth: soldiers
Fifth: In both instances, it's not its.
Sixth: Earth, Milky Way and that not than.
Seventh: Remove the them.
Eighth: World is not worlds, and knows not know.
Ninth: their not the.
The last paragraph is just fine. Anyway, nice work!