Published March 28, 2010
{Most of this prologue is true, or at least the break up part. Names were changed to protect identity. The rest is purely imagination.}
Prologue-
I leaned forward and hugged Haydn, watching as a tear fell from his eyes. He pulled away, turning his head so he didn't have to face me. My hand reached forward and touched his face, gently making him face me, “What is wrong?” My voice was shaky, I knew what was happening.
“You don't get it, do you?” He said, filling his voice with false courage.
I shook my head, “No.” It felt terrible to lie to him, but I didn't want to say out loud what I was thinking.
Tears fell faster from his eyes as he choked up the words, “I'm breaking up with you.” I stopped breathing. Tears were falling from my eyes like a waterfall. How could I have ever thought this was going to last?
“Syd?”
I looked at him, my heart shattering. “Why?” I managed, my breath coming in short gasps. He paused, not wanting to answer. “ Why?” I repeated.
“I can't handle you being depressed all the time. I hurts me to see you like that.” Haydn looked down, avoiding my eyes.
I wanted to slap him so bad. I wanted to tell him how stupid of a reason that was. I wanted to, but I couldn't move. I collapsed onto the ground, barely catching myself with my hands. He leaned down and tried to help me up. I looked at him and said softly, “Get away from me.”
Slowly he stepped back, almost tripping over his feet. He turned to leave, but at the door he stopped, “I'm sorry.”
I closed my eyes as he walked out of the door. “Don't leave me.” I silently pleaded. No answer. I stood up awkwardly, and almost fell toward the window. Out of the open blinds, I could see him running away from my house, tears soaking his face. “I love you...” I mouthed and closed the window. My shoulders crumpled as I gave in. Shaking, I stumbled over to my bed and sat on the edge. Rubbing my eyes, I muttered “This isn't happening.” But he was gone. Haydn was never coming back. I fell backwards and sobbed.
****
The first thing I saw when I walked into the gym was Haydn. He was sitting where he always sat, where we used to sit. Which happened to be where all my friends were sitting. A swallowed a tear and walked up the steps. I sat on a bleacher below him, trying not to look at him. I smiled at my friends, trying to make it as real looking as possible. They saw right through me. But oddly no one mentioned it. I sat there, waiting for the clock to change. I didn't speak much. If I would have, I would have started crying. I could feel his eyes staring at the back of my head. Then his voice was talking to one of his friends, acting like nothing happened.
The crowd starting clearing the bleachers as the clock hit 7:50. I whipped my bag over my shoulders and practically ran down the stairs. I turned to corner, rushing just to get to class. I was never so happy I didn't have any classes with him.
****
The moment I got home, I shut myself in my room. It on went like this for days. I was slowly dying, I had given up my will to live. Haydn was the only reason I lived for, and now that he was gone, I didn't see the point in life anymore. It was stupid that I loved him so much that I let him destroy me.
At night, my pillow was so wet that I couldn't sleep. I was realizing that no matter how many times he ever told me he loved me, he was lying. If he truly loved me, he wouldn't have thrown me away like a piece of snide trash. I obsessed over what I had lost, so much that I never noticed Asher.
Asher was a guy who completely had me speechless. He was kind, shy almost, smart, cute, and just an amazing guy. I started noticing him staring at me a few weeks before, but quickly averting his eyes when I caught him. After Haydn broke up with me, I started noticing it more often. I smiled back every once and a while, and soon he would do the same instead of averting his eyes. I was slowly climbing out of my depression, but I still wasn't ready for another boyfriend. Asher rarely talked to me, but I could tell that he liked me. And I started to like him.
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OMG!!! I think I'm in love! Your story began dramatically and ended with simple cliff hanger that leaves the reader hunger more.......much more. It was a basic cliche, but it worked and I can't wait for the other pieces to fall in. Welcome the world of the YWS, I think you'll fit right in perfectly.Thank you for the read.
That should be badly.
Sorry, that's all I could find wrong in this piece.
Anyways, I can't wait until the first chapter comes out!
Hey, Kaedee here to review! Welcome to YWS.
I would say: 'My hand reached forward and touched his face, making him face me. "What is wrong?" My voice was shaky. I knew what was happening.' Also, the 'I knew this was happening part' doesn't make sense, because she's shocked and surprised when Haydn says 'I'm breaking up with you'.The title was interesting, different. It drew me into this prologue. The beginning is also great, because it also, well, draws the reader even further into your story. The reader is thinking, "What's happening? What's wrong? I must read more to find out."
Nitpicks:
'Filling his voice with false courage'? That doesn't make sense. Courage=bravery. So...?
I wouldn't say 'I looked at him', because she's obviously been looking at him the whole time. You didn't indicate her staring out the window or shifting her gaze to anywhere else.
When is this? Where? At school? I think you should indicate that here.
Do you really mean that she 'swallowed a tear'? Or do you mean that she was holding back a tear?
I would say 'I smiled at my friends, trying to make everything look as normal as possible.' Isn't that what you mean?
I would possibly add 'back' at the end so it would be 'And I started to like him back.'
You have a good start here! Overall I found this beginning pretty good. I like the way you've ended this prologue. Hope I helped. Keep up the good work-
KD
Oh don't worry. There will be a chapter one! About Asher- Why am I talking?! Its just a secret you will have to read about!

~Cassi
i know exactly how syd feels-- i'm guessing like most people--, but still! i love the description, even if i do feel bad for her. but i can't wait to find out more about the characters, like if syd's gonna be with this asher person, haha. but anyways, keep up the good work! update with chapter one, k?
Thanks!
~Cassi
Wow! That was an amazing story!!! I totally felt what it was like to be the girl when he broke up with her, and it takes a strong writer to do that!
Keep up the good work!!