"Some people said that when the world is at the brink of destruction, suddenly there appeared a figure that we all usually call it a "HERO". He came to save the world, he came to slain all evil and restore peace, he came to save our kingdom that we all love and live in unity..."
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"But... What will happens when all of those tradition is no longer applied? No longer believed anymore?"
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"The Pride that once was existed... Became dissapointment."
"Belief that once existed before... Became lies."
"Hope that was prayed all along... Became desperation."
"Loyalty that was once held high... Became betrayal."
"Trust that once given to someone... Became doubt."
"The strength that once a weapon to help the weaklings... Became a tool to declare a war."
"And the power that once a tool to bring wisdom and prosperity... Became a servant to greediness."
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"Will such a world can last long? Or is there someone who can understand what is happening?"
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"Peoples no longer believing, that once they are used to believe..."
"Myths that once being told..."
"Legends that once spread far and wide across the lands..."
"Memories that once always being remembered..."
"The songs that once always being sung..."
"Even longing the gathering time, that were always used to be together..."
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"Everything has been eroded by the time..."
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"The era has changed once again... This time, it's now much more different than before..."
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"But... we'll always being patient forever... Just like before... until the next chosen hero come to save the world... We'll just keep waiting... even if we must wait until the end of time..."
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"Just be remember... That our hope will never fade away..."
"Our hope will never eroded by time or just by mere reasons..."
"Our wish will always be stay strong forever..."
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"So... Until that time... I may say Farewell... Our great hero..."
"May the God always be your side, and may our prays always light your path..."
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"When the sun shines brightly in the north sky, and when the stars starts blinking fiercely above the full moon's embracing light..."
"Then it will be the time that we soon will meet..."
"And then it will be the time that you must fulfill all of your duty... and to feel relieved from all of your obligations in the world that you live in..."
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"To finally ascend... To the place where all of the previous heroes resides..."
"To the place where all of the ancestors always observe your actions..."
"To be let your soul rest eternally and feel peace..."
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"I am afraid our time is ending..."
"Once again I said... Farewell... Our next great hero..."
"This will be our last conversation..."
"Until that time..."
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"Hope we'll meet soon..."
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140,620 Literary Works • 673,561 Reviews
Hi! I'm Spunky, here to give the promised review!
Glows: This is very suspenseful, and captured my attention. From how it was worded to how it was formatted, it was perfect. Definitely the definition of what a prologue should be.
"Our hope will never eroded by time or just by mere reasons"
This sentence felt like it was just meant for me. I can really apply that to my own beliefs and life. Throughout all of this I can tell you put deep thought into it, and I hope you will continue with the story.
Grows: First with the spelling checks. In the sentence "Pride that once existed became dissapointment." disappointment is spelled with only ONE "s". And in the line "Peoples no longer believing, that once they are used to believe" There is a little nitpick I have. Peoples is technically correct, but People would work here as well. You can totally ignore this one, because its based purely upon writing style.
Next, in the line,
The Pride that once was existed... Became dissapointment."
"Belief that once existed before... Became lies."
Repeating "that once existed" isn't the best choice. Something like, "Belief that was cherished" or anything else would work, but not repeating what was already said.
Also, "once was existed" isn't grammatically correct. Take out the "was"
That's all I got! Bye!
Ohh hey! Thank you for your time to reviewing my Prologue. Yeahh I know it too, when the second time I reading it again... I just feel like there are something that need to be fixed... But hey! Thanks for pointing it out, it's really helps me alot.
Hello there! I hope you are having a good night! (Or day, depending on when you read this)
This was a very interesting opening prologue. I don't know if you ever played it, but it reminds me of the opening to Minecraft Storymode. Though I like how this one is much more direct. YOU are the hero, I hope WE'LL meet SOON, that sort of thing.
I also love how it implies some sort of history in this world, without directly telling us what happened. It gives this a good since of mystery!
However, I do have one small nitpick. There were a couple lines I felt you could clear your word choice up a bit. For example:
"But... What will happens when all of those tradition is no longer applied? No longer believed anymore?"
First off, you could cut out that will there, and make this a tad less choppy.
This is a matter of opinion, but I feel as if "Applied" is a bit awkward in this sentence.
You use the words "No longer believed" Which actually work really well here. But I think you could restructure the sentence to be more like,
"But... What happens when those traditions are no longer believed?" Etc. etc!
Other than that, I thought this was a really good start to a story! I look forward to what you do with it! Keep on writing, and have a great day!
Hey! Thank you for your time to reviewing my Prologue. Yeaa I feel like there are someting that need to be fixed. And you pointing directly at it. It truly helps me alot. That's really great! Thanks