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Young Writers Society



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by ZakkuAlpha


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Points: 4518
Reviews: 115

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Mon Aug 10, 2009 12:29 pm
Young gun wrote a review...



So, the narrator wants everyone to explore their talents and not go along with the crowd?

Here is what could make your poem complete:

Struggle of a person who stands apart from the crowd.

The discipline it takes to stick to your talent.

The way by which every person can find his unique talent.

The problems of going with the crowd.

Since the poem is about finding how each of us is unique, try to come up with a unique title.

Good luck with expanding the ideas.




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196 Reviews


Points: 3098
Reviews: 196

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Mon Aug 10, 2009 1:31 am
OverEasy wrote a review...



First Impressions

I hate to be cruel, but for a poem titled "Unique" this certainly didn't stand up. The first thing I notice is how very flat it feels. Perhaps it's just a personal pet peeve of mine, but starting off your poem with a question, and an uninteresting question at that, automatically made me cringe.

The basic idea has been used before, and in much more effective ways than this. The main thing you're missing here is Imagry. The best thing you can do for your poetry is incorporate effective images. Simply spewing words about how unique and different you are isn't going to get to them as much as an example will. Also, it's slightly dull to read. Give us something to see, something that really shows us how different you are, and why you're so unique.

My Thoughts

The idea of drawing outside the lines has been used before, but I actually think that's the best image you've got going right now. Try expanding on it, rather than taking about drawing outside the lines, describe to us the actual act of doing it.

"I see the line,
it stares at me,
years of what my teachers taught
go out the window in a moment."

Granted that's.... really terrible and really really rough as I just wrote it right now, but still. Describe the inner turmoil that doing something that goes against everything you've been taught your whole life creates. Even something as juvenial and mundane as a child drawing outside the lines can be a great metaphor for a persons inner struggle to be a unique individual while still conforming to society's standards.

Basically, take the idea you have here, scratch the word spew and create something that will make us all go "hmmm".

Hope this helps

OverEasy





I will call them my people, which were not my people; and her beloved, which was not beloved.
— Romans 9:25