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It Was Only Just A Dream

by Yuka


29th of May,

On that day, something unexpected happened and I never knew that I would feel so broken because of it. But what's worse, is that I hurt him. I wanted to help, but I ended up hurting him instead. Back then, we danced, glided side to side, laughed and enjoyed the time, not minding what was around us.

As always, it was a hot and boring summer. I didn't have anything to do, so I decided to sleep in. Then my phone started to ring. At first I didn't mind it but then I got annoyed. I picked it up and read the text message. 'Wake up and go down' was the text that was sent. "annoying" I said while putting my specs on. It was my classmates number. I pressed the call button and called him. I greeted him good morning and he replied and said to me to go down. I did as I was told and got up then changed clothes. I wore a simple, white shirt and leggings. I wore my shoes on and heading outside.

As soon as I was out, my classmates was there. Then I asked him, "whats up?". As soon as I asked that, I looked around and to my surprise, he was there. At that split second I was lost for word.. "Hey!" was all I could say. I saw him. After a few week of not seeing him and that's all I could say.

He hugged me and I hugged him back. 'I missed this' was what I thought. His scent, his warmth, his presence. He was here. I finally got to see him again. The person I've longed to see. The three of us talked of what we did the past weeks. "Do you wanna go to my house?" he asked us. "Sorry, but I have to go to my friends house." is what my classmate said. "Cant you just go with us?, Please?" I pleaded. "Nope. I promised that I would." he said while smiling.

Before I knew it, my classmate and I separated ways while he and I headed to his home. While we walked, we talked and laughed along the way. It was hot but since he was holding an umbrella, it was pretty much okay. As soon as we reached his house, we headed inside and ordered food. "I want Mcdo. Is that okay?" I asked. "Sure go ahead." I dialed the number, ordered food for me, him and his sisters and ended the call.

While we wait, we went up to his room. His room was unexpectedly small and a bit messy. I didn't mind. I sat on his futon and asked, "Where's your parents?". "They're at work" he replied. "Ah, Okay.". I stood up and wondered about to the second room. I asked whose room it belonged to and he said that it was his sisters. The room was the same as his. The only difference is that it didn't have a bed and that there was a Keyboard.

I turned it on and played my favorite song. Then I heard loud but small foot steps climbing up the stairs. "Brother!". It was his little sister. At that time, I was curious and kept on laughing. "She keeps following us." I said, almost laughing. "She's like that when there's guest." he said grumpily.

Later on, our food arrived. We received it and ate. As soon as we finished, we went up and talked in his room. Each time we talked, my heart skipped a beat. I built up all my courage and lied on his back. 'Weird' i thought. Normal boys would make a fuss if someone did this but he didn't. He didn't mind and just kept talking. After a few minutes, I stood up and went out of the room. I saw another staircase leading up to another floor. "Whats up there?" I wondered. "Its the attic." he said while resting his chin on my shoulder. "Can we go up?. I wanna see whats up there". "Okay". We headed up the staircase.

The attic was spacious but contained several boxes and extra things. There were two windows, one in the left and one at the right. There was enough sunlight to at least light the dusty and slightly dim attic. For some reason, it felt...nostalgic. I knew that I've never been there before but I felt so at ease being there. Being with him.

I turned around to face him, then he said, "Ill be right back" and headed down stairs. I stared out the window, thinking about various things. Then i noticed that he was taking a while to get back. After admiring the view from the window, I turned around. "Wahh!". He was right behind me and I didn't even notice at all!. "How long have you been...?" I asked while laughing."Not long" Then he suddenly said. " I really wanted to dance with you last High School Night," he said while smiling.

"What?."

"Remember you didn't accept?"

"Ya sorry 'bout that but.."

"but?"

"Well, I saw someone talk to you then you suddenly looked at me that time and I thought that he told you to dance with me since I was the only one who wasnt dancing..." I said embarrassingly.

"No." he said. "I really wanted to dance with you."

"I'm sorry." I said with a down voice.

"Wait here"

"Okay" replied. He went down and I stared out the window once more. Then I noticed, a song was playing. Then it struck me. It was the same song that played last high school night. It was the song that was playing when he asked me to dance with him."Something to make up for last time" he said while taking my hands and holding me in a waltz position.

At that moment, all I could do is laugh and smile. But as we danced, glide and laughed, part of me started to stare of to space and I started to loose my senses. He was pulling me into his world. This is wrong. I kept telling my self. There was only one reason why I went here and that's to help him heal. He had just ended his relationship with the person whom he still loves and I am just there, as a friend, to give a helping hand and yet here I am in my fantasies wishing that this dance will never end.

Little by little, I started to divert my gaze from him and turned my face to another direction. "Why?" he said curiously. "Nothing" was all i could say with my nervous voice. "Why?" he kept asking. "You know why..." I said while staring down the floor. He placed his thumb under my chin and pushed it upwards so that my face will face his. At that moment, I lost everything. Sight, hear, and smell. All that was in my head was him. Even though I went through a lot and though that I had forgotten about him. In the end I haven't. I still love him but knowing that his feelings weren't mutual to mine, I kept it hidden.

Although it hurts being around him like that, I was still happy because I told myself that as long as i can be around him, whether i was a friend or a lover, I would always be happy. Knowing that he's there by my side or I was beside his was enough since I knew that he will never look at me like he saw the others. I was only a friend, a sister that he could never truly love... Just by hearing and looking into his eyes made me think all of this and my beating heart was shattered to pieces.

While we laugh, there were instance where our foreheads would bump into each other and every time that happens, i couldn't help but look into him and wonder why. Why did I love someone like you, whom I knew would never be able to love me?. Then, every so slowly, I noticed that the song was coming to an end, and his forehead was resting on mine. The last thing I heard him say was "Its Okay..". Before I knew, his lips were on mine and I realized that we did something that we weren't supposed to do and yet I didn't stop it.

I stayed still and everything went black. In that moment, time froze, and it was only me and him. When he came to, he pulled away and realized what he did. I didn't know what to do. I left and made an excuse so I wont hear or more like I was scared of knowing why he did it. Little did I know, that everything would change.

I sat in his room telling him that I was okay and tried to convince him that it was nothing, but in the end, I couldn't hide everything. I went to the attic again and tears started to flow out... 'it hurts'..I kept saying to myself. I heard footsteps and cleared my tears away. "You keep disappearing" he said. I stared at him and smiled.As we stood there, we talked, blamed, and inside I'm sure we regretted. All the words that I didn't hear was heard that day.

But the most painful thing in all that happened, is when he said that when he kissed me, he thought that I was her.... The moment he said that, something broke inside of me. Everything that happened, everything that he said were meaningless.. The only thing on my mind is when he told me that he though that I was her.

After our long and tense conversation, we decided to forget everything and just got back to the way we were. When the day ended, I headed home and didn't think about it at all, or so I thought I could. All night, I thought nothing but that and that we couldn't be the same again. I cried myself to sleep and tried to move on and forget, but it seems that even now when I hear the song that played, or the sound of the passing airplanes, I still remember and feel guilty that after what I did I couldn't bring myself to regret, since I knew that I didn't want to forget anything because I loved and cherished every single moment of it.

Whether it was when I saw him again... Or when I spent each time doing nothing but think of him...looking at him, his scent, his presence the kiss... everything, ever since the beginning. For some reason, its just him. But know that nothing can every change nor can it progress any further... We'll always be this, frozen, never moving forward...

I wonder when ill be able to love someone else and love him as much as I loved you?. I wont make any promises to myself or to you, but all I know is that as long as we are still friends and back to normal, I will always be happy. Even though my love for you will always be one sided, I will always be happy and I hope that I can be forgiven someday for breaking my promise and of not forgetting everything that day because I can never forget nor will I ever forget the person I love, or rather the first person I have ever loved so much that seeing or hearing him was enough to make my day.


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247 Reviews


Points: 3414
Reviews: 247

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Wed Jul 10, 2013 3:26 am
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Searria H. wrote a review...



Hi there, Yuka! Sea here as requested. :D

One positive thing that really jumped out at me was the variation in your sentence beginnings. Yay! A lot of writers have to really concentrate to avoid starting every sentence with the subject. Very nice. :D

So. I'm one of the most cynical, unromantic people you'd ever meet, so I'm going to do my best not to critique the concept of the piece quite so much. I don't think giving you rants about my world views is going to help you at all as a writer. ;) I do have a few structural issues to point out, though. :)

The pronoun "I"
Please, PLEASE capitalize this little word. You did capitalize it a few times throughout the piece, so I think you know it's supposed to be capitalized. I'm a little confused, therefore, as to why you didn't capitalize it the majority of the time. It's a really easy thing to change, and it automatically makes your writing appear much more sophisticated. :)

Paragraph format
This was really difficult to read because your paragraphs were not separated correctly. I got lost in the ocean of little black letters and had to blink a couple of times to start reading again. The biggest problem was in the dialogue. I had to work to decipher who was speaking sometimes. I'm going to take a section of that monstrously long paragraph and give you an example of dialogue separation.

Three of us talked of what we did the past weeks. "Do you wanna go to my house?" he asked us.
"Sorry, but i have to go to my friends house." is what my classmate said.
"Cant you just go with us?, Please?" I pleaded.
"Nope. I promised that i would." he said while smiling. Before i knew it, my classmate and i separated ways while he and i headed to his house. While we walked, we talked and laughed along the way. It was hot but since he was holding an umbrella, it was pretty much okay. As soon as we reached his house, we headed inside and ordered food.
"I want Mcdo. Is that okay?" i asked.
"Sure go ahead."
I dialed the number,ordered food for me, him and his sisters and ended the call. While we wait, we went up to his room. His room was unexpectedly small and a bit messy. I didnt mind.I sat on his futon and asked, "Where's your parents?".
"They're at work" he replied.
"Ah, Okay.".

Each new piece of dialogue gets booted to the next paragraph. Dialogue tags (i.e. he/she said) and sentences that describe the actions of a character while speaking can stay in the same paragraph with the dialogue.

Tenses
There were a few times I caught you changing verb tenses. You're in the past tense for the majority of the story, so just go through and make sure you're consistent.

Punctuation
I noticed a lot of double punctuation marks. When you use a question mark or exclamation point, they serve as the ending punctuation of the sentence. Periods or commas should never follow these punctuation marks.
Also, contractions such as "don't," "couldn't," "I'll," and the like need the apostrophes. Otherwise, they either aren't words, or you have the word "ill" and it doesn't make sense. ;)
When you have a piece of dialogue followed by a tag that would normally end with a period, it should be a comma instead, so
"Nope. I promised that i would." he said while smiling.

should be
"Nope. I promised that I would," he said while smiling.

Just go through and edit for those. :D


Ellipses
You really like those little dots, don't you? ;) I usually don't like ellipses. I prefer dashes to indicate long pauses in speech, and using them to sort of trail off is not very satisfying to the reader. They are not, however, "illegal." You can use them, but using so many of them can be distracting and even irritating. I definitely think you could cut out a few of them where they don't really contribute anything to the story.

Descriptions
The beginning of the piece was very bland as far as delivery of information. I felt as though the events of the morning weren't important to the story, so you rushed through them and just gave us a brief and concise overview of what happened. Don't be afraid to take your time with it and add some more descriptions of what's happening. Let us experience things with your main character.

Things that didn't make sense
:arrow: I was really confused in the beginning with the three(?) characters. I was a little unsure of who was doing what and to whom you were referring. I think it would be a little clearer if "the classmate" had a name. But if you don't want to name your characters, just be really conscious of clarity.

:arrow:
At that time, i was curious and kept on laughing. "She keeps following us." i said, almost laughing.

This passage is a little contradictory. When did she go from "kept on laughing" to "almost laughing?" That's really nitpicky, but it drew my attention and distracted me from the story.

:arrow:
Then i noticed, a song was playing. Then it struck me. It was the same song that played last high school night.

This might by my cynicism, but from my experience most guys don't remember details like that. But hey, this guy might. :)

:arrow:
In the end, i still love him but knowing that his feelings werent mutual to mine, i kept it hidden.

I may not be very good at reading people, but it seems to me that everything this guy does throughout the entire piece indicates that he's interested in this girl.

:arrow:
When he came to, he pulled away and realized what he did.

Um...did they both pass out? I'm not really sure.

:arrow:
or the sound of the passing airplanes,

What's with the airplanes? I may have missed that part.

:arrow:
I wonder when ill be able to love someone else and love him as much as i love you?. I wont make any promises to myself or to you, but all i know is that as long as we are still friend and back to normal, i will always be happy. Even though my love for you will always be one sided, i will always be happy and i hope that i can be forgiven someday for breaking my promise of forgetting everything that day because i can never forget nor will i ever forget the person i love, or rather the first person i have ever loved so much that seeing or hearing him was enough to make my day...

Who is "you?" At first I thought it's some new guy in her life, and she can't forget this other guy. I reread the paragraph, and now it sounds like she's speaking directly to the guy from the rest of the story. You might consider clearing this up a bit. :)

Just be careful to clean up the grammar and work to make sure everything is clear to your reader. Try reading this out loud to yourself or to a friend to catch things that may not make as much sense as the rest of the story.

You seem to have a really good emotional connection to this piece, and it comes through in your writing. :D Good job with that. :)
As always, let me know if you have any questions. Good luck, and happy writing!

-Sea-




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Reviews: 35

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Sat Jul 06, 2013 8:52 pm
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Dhendon wrote a review...



Wow. Let me start off with my first impression and opinion of this. I was a little bored from the start. It seemed like a stereotypical "I love you but can't have you" thing. As I kept reading, it became more about how the story was told rather than what it was. It is amazingly powerful, and I about cried towards the end.

I must say that you did warn us to your typos and such, but you should seriously consider taking this and fixing the English because it is such powerful writing that it deserves to be told and read efficiently. With the focus being solely on the story rather than typos, English, and paragraphs, then the reader is pulled into the story so much more.

I have to say, this was amazing. So many emotions pulling all sorts of different ways. It is even more powerful because so many people can easily relate to this feeling. Not everyone has these events or this dramatic, but everyone has liked someone who didn't like them back. The fact that the story is so easy to relate to makes the message really stand out in our minds.

In conclusion, I did not see much that needed to be fixed or edited besides the formatting and grammar. The readability plays a huge role in the reader's perspective and opinion of the piece. At least you warned us before reading that the English was sketchy. Overall, it was wonderful and I hope to see this laid out in a better format. Great job, continue writing!





If I find myself afraid or scared, that means I'm doing the wrong thing.
— Jack Hanna