Published October 23, 2010
This is the first time I've ever writen something that I have shown to someone else. (besides essays for school.) So I know their will be a good bit of flaws in my writing, especially since I've only ever writen in French, But I would apperciate that the comments are not too harsh. Thank you. 
"Under the wooden palletes at the back of the estate." I responded.
Without even looking back or thinking for two seconds, she started walking toward the gap between our other neighbour, Morgane's house and a new ugly grey house made from wood on the outside. As we walked down the gap between the two houses, gossiping about some girl from school, I thought back to when this madness started: One night, after I had fallen off my bike and split my head open, I was sitting up on the wooden cabin that I had mad with all the other kids on the road, I was with Antoine, It was his fault I kept saying to myself but maybe it wasn't a fault when I took that cigarette in my hand...
This Is The TRUE Story of me. Their are more and more teenagers, aged 13-16, like me in the world, it's our choice, so don't critique the story on that choice. Thank you.
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140,237 Literary Works • 673,049 Reviews
It looks like your trying to go a bit 'House of Leaves' with the blue words and the different font sizes. This sort of thing can work really well in a novel interspersed with more normal text, but i think in a short story it is unnecessary and is just distracting.
I liked the story though. I thought you were going to be digging up bodies or something more sinister from the way you started.
I think it would be interesting to hear your thoughts on why you started smoking. But, yeah, i liked it.
Well, dear, you needn’t bold everything, nor does it need to be centered. Also, those few places probably shouldn’t be blue. It’ll look more like a story this way, since it’s generally done like that.
I have little to say about the subject matter, since it’s not something I come in contact often. Suffice to say that I believe you managed it well.
There were a few mistakes, spelling and grammar, but that’s certainly excusable.
It’s a nice short piece, sad though…
Keep writing!
Jenth