Hi! Spunky here to review!
The sky was falling. Literally.
Okay, not literally literally, but it felt like the sky was falling to Ruben.
This is a really cool way to start off a chapter. It caught my attention, and made me want to know more. The chapter was really cool, pacing was just right and it had a lot going on. I really liked the man's accent, it seemed pretty unique XD.
If Penny Henny was hit in the head by a Pinecone, then there must have been high wind speeds.
"Pinecone" shouldn't be capitalized.
I will not cry! I will not cry! I cannot cry!
“Oi! You there!” cried of voice.
The repetition in the first three sentences sounds really good actually. But it got almost completely ruined with the next sentence when you used "cried." Maybe try substituting that with "yelled," "screamed," etc.
big poof (Yes, to Ruben it was a "Big poof").
I don't really feel like the explanation is necessary, but if you keep it, don't capitalize "Big."
Overall, there are just some things to fix. You did an outstanding job!
Points: 0
Reviews: 112
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