The sparkle of the silver diadem that encircled her head matched the sparks of dread she felt as she stood there; forced to look into her own reflection in the coronation robes as the maids smoothed and plumped and brushed away flecks of lint - tucking in any loose hairs. If only it was as easy to tuck away her doubts.
The unrelenting tuition on walking correctly down the aisle of the cathedral, and how and when to show ones polite understanding and appreciation when being spoken to. Its all worthless if there is no substance behind the modelled façade; a knowledge of how to secure a countries prosperous future, and a quiet confidence when involved in parliament meetings and debates. What did a mere 19 year old women know of such things when all she had seen and heard of is a life surrounded by coved palace walls, drapsed in satin soft curtains. Tapestries of iridescent noblemen strutting their prize of a dead lion at the hilt of his leather boots...
... She barley noticed her mother standing beside her, staring back at her through the glass, barley noticed a translucent tear that carved a path down her powdered cheek. She floundered as her mother drew a kerchief from her purse, and gently dabbed the wet line dry; coupled with a pitying look that made her want to stamp her feet and erupt into a childish tantrum - willing to be put back into her nursery dress and fetch her favourite toys to spend the rest of the afternoon with.
But here she stood. In a tight fitting bra and makeup on he lips and around her eyes; masking every avenue of communication. Drawing out out the light and pushing back the dark.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hi! First off, this is a great representation of what you're writing. You describe it very clearly. The only problems are a few spelling errors and grammar issues. Of course, the story is the whole point, and it's well done, but copyediting can make or break a thing like this. It can make it look like it's overdone, when really it's well written. Problems: You say the maids are smoothing and plumping. What exactly is there to plump? A pillow? Next, you talk about her unrelenting tuition. I'm not sure tuition is the right word, and "ones" needs an apostrophe. After that, there should be a dash instead of a period; otherwise, it's a sentence fragment. She is a mere 19-year old woman, not "women." You misspelled "draped," but I'm assuming it was just a typo. "Satin-soft" needs a hyphen. Also, it's "barely," not "barley." Her bra needs a hyphen between "tight" and "fitting."
In conclusion, I know I mostly talked about problems, but that's just because problems need more talking to fix, not because your work had more bad things than good.
Very nice idea for a story, executed well. I liked the use adjectives and the sense of being trapped in a role that you created. The vocabulary is ranged and the atmosphere you fabricated is pretty good. A little more work on the structure would be good and a slightly wider range of punctuation, but overall, a pretty good, well-written short story. Well done!
Beautiful! Very well-written.
I'd like to point out a few mistakes:
Its should It's here.
Replace countries with country's.
Drapsed should be draped.
Her instead of he.
"Out" has been repeated.
I suggest you proofread the piece and rectify the errors for a smoother reading experience.
Okay! That being said, I think this a beautiful piece. I love how you show us her apprehension in being crowned the queen. She's not only young in age, but also in mind. Not yet mature. Not yet in full bloom. I also like how her mother is saddened by her daughter's state. It is not the best thing for her, she knows. I absolutely love it.
Beautiful! I absolutely love this line.
I'm not very good at semicolons, so I'll let them be. Usually semicolons can be very tricky. :p
Good job! Keep writing.
Cheers.