Young Writers Society

Hi Yese, I really enjoyed reading your poem. I love how every thing flows, and seems to fit together. This poem made me think about the meaning of life, and how it is true that you can rewind, and do it over again.
Great job, keep up the awesome work!
P.S. Welcome to YWS!

Welcome to YWP! I'm here to review your poem!
I really liked the flow and structure your poem had. Some of your wording was really great too, I especially liked the first line as it had a nice feel to it. Further down on the poem though I thought it lacked a bit of meaning and you may have used too many words on something that didn't really tell us much at all. I would have liked a little more substance in what you used. I like the length though so I wouldn't add on to it, just change what is there.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

-SP

Hi yese,good day.I really love your poem!The rythm just flow slowly with a wonderful words you use to describe the meanings of life.The most favourate lines I loves is;

'Their smiles will glow
While the wind will blow..'

You poem is short.And sure it will be more interesting if you add some more because when I read this poem,its seems like it was incomplete.Anyway,you doing a great job.Keep writing in YWS!

Hey there Yese! And welcome to YWS! I'll give you a fair warning and say that I am quite picky when it comes to poems, so don't take any criticisms personally.

You actually have a pretty great rhythm and flow to your poem, which is often strained when people write rhyming poetry. However, you are still failing to say a lot. The important thing to keep in mind when writing a poem is that you have to use your words sparingly, because your words are (typically) very limited. You only have so much time to make your statement - so made each word lead somewhere important. You seem to have a very vague idea of what you're trying to say, but it's not developed just yet. Before writing your poem, think "What am I trying to say?" Then go for it. While you've got a broad sense of direction, your words feel rather aimless in their pursuit.

Beyond that, make sure that you're always bringing something original to the work. It is often difficult to make poetry your own because the archetypal themes it relies on have been done so many times, so truly making it your own is a must. It's like photography - you need the right angle.

I hope this helps. Keep writing, and best wishes! xxx

Congrats on joining YWS! I have mixed feelings about this poem. While I certainly don't think it's bad, I feel like the rhyme scheme really limits where it can go. I know what you were trying to do with the clever rhyme scheme, but often times the effect is not the desired one. I have the same problem in my poems. With this said, the poem was a little hard to follow because I think you felt obligated to the rhyme scheme and tried as hard as possible to stay true to it. I encourage you to try writing this without a rhyme scheme and see where it takes you! As always, never stop writing!