" I don't know!" that was what I told my indecisive friends who kept on asking why everyone was so in love with jake. Of course I knew the answer because I, myself was head over heels in love with him but that didn't mean that this had to become some romantic fairyale where the girl pours her heart out about some guy she just met. In those kind of movies there's always a dramatic scene that exposes the nice guy to be in disguise as the bad guy, but then wait! There's always the twist that shows the bad guy as a newly groomed good guy who changes because of his " one".
How much of this is even real, all it does is give sappy girls the feeling of hope. I'm not saying this is a movie but if it was, this is what I would have said about jake: "Everyone is so in love with him because he's the new guy and he's handsome and he has a heart of gold. Jakes been in our school for 6 months now and I frequently speak to him so i can tell you that the reason everyone is falling over themselves for him is because when you look into his dreamy eyes you feel like the only girl In the world and when he laughs at something you said You get this tingly feeling inside of you. " then I would turn bright red and look down for a small giggle followed by my friends loud cheers and giggles of excitement.
I was glad this wasn't one of those fairytale romantic movies because I hate attention and having to talk about your feelings for the new guy is just a free ticket to the attention train. See, it all started 6 weeks ago when jake walked into school 10 minutes late and as fate would have it, I turned out late that day too! We both ran through the double doors and started heading towards our first period classes when there was mr. Matthews waiting patiently for someone to send to the principles office. I swear that guy gets pleasure from seeing kids suffer. He looked at us, with his arms crossed over and al it took was 3 words to send us to doom - PRINCIPLES OFFICE NOW!!
That was all it took and we were headed of to the dungeon.
When we reached, we sat besides one another on the chairs in front of mr. Cage. He slowly turned around on his chair and gave us a stern look. We glared at each other from the side. Cage had started saying something when mr Matthews came in forcing cage to stop and leave the room To deal with some grade 7's. Jake and I both burst into a fit of laughter as soon as we heard the door shut. For some odd reason we both found this completely hilarious. Heintroduced himself and so did I and then several minutes later when Mr. Cage returned we took whatever came our way and slowly headed out, once outside and out of earshot we laughed some more and then spoke about ourselves while headed to our second classes.
For weeks after that incident we kept the friendship going and we even went out a couple of times. Slowly slowly I began to be the girl I wasn't and by that I mean I fell in love with one of my best friends..
I left the feelings out and carried on beingnjakes friend, I didnt make much eye contact because of fear of being weak and kissing him. I held back even when he tried to give me a friendly good bye hug but the feelings didn't disappear.
I think of him all the time and I always want to be with him...my only explanation for this is that I love him...
........to be continued!!!
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,747 Reviews
Puppy Love? But who knows if it's for a lifetime.
The story was cute and bubbly.
You started with introducing the popular guy in your school who happens to be your classmate and due to some instances, he became your friend. Not just a common friend but whom you consider as "best friend".
Though, I noticed some typos but the story was nice..
Keep going..
ll
U
Hello,
Here I am as requested.
I won't be concentrating on grammar errors for I'm not that good at grammar myself.
Throughout the story you didn't capitalize names, beginnings of sentences, Is etc. You should always, always do that. It makes the whole piece look funny and that's not what you aim for. Also - Jakes been in our school (Jake's) that sort of stuff. This is the first thing you should do - correct those errors.
I loved the last part of first paragraph: In those kind of movies there's always a dramatic scene that exposes the nice guy to be in disguise as the bad guy, but then wait! There's always the twist that shows the bad guy as a newly groomed good guy who changes because of his " one".
Although, I would use italics rather than quotation marks.
I like the way the story is developing. The writing is good and the characters are vivid.
But again, I don't quite like the ending.
~I left the feelings out and carried on beingnjakes friend, I didnt make much eye contact because of fear of being weak and kissing him. I held back even when he tried to give me a friendly good bye hug but the feelings didn't disappear.
I think of him all the time and I always want to be with him...my only explanation for this is that I love him...
Here, I feel like you were rushing to write the ending because it is pretty superficial. The last sentence feels like it doesn't belong to the story. I know that it is not the real ending, so maybe it would've been better without the last part, because (if you ask me) it doesn't attract reader to read more.
Also, I would suggest you not to use more than one exclamation mark if not necessary and to stay away from unnecessary long sentences. It is always much better if it's right to the point than too long and meaningless.
In short, you have to take care of capitalizing the right words and punctuation marks. Stay away from using the unneccessary words. Re-read the piece you wrote 100 times and each time like you've never read it before.
It was a real pleasure reading this, please do let me know when you write more! I hope I helped.
Keep writing, Klara
Hello sorry to be such a nag and to request your review it's just that your words always make sense
I will definitely look out for those mistakes and try to stay away from them.
( note to self, get straight to the point!) :p
Thank you very much!
Xoxo
You are very welcome!