Continued from part 1...
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And then, to their utter surprise… she did. She dropped Erasmus’s Dual Manifestation onto the ground, right on top of her shoe. The area around it sizzled and crackled as all the water evaporated in its presence.
“What the—!”
With her free hand, Aurora brought forth another Landlord. “Burst! Sora!” She called. An Uzi materialized in her hand, and, in one slick motion, she pointed, aimed, and shot at Fiyre, forcing him to put up a wall of flame with his cigarette Landlord. The repeated reports were deafening.
Garic, drunk on vengeance, took this opportunity to attack the other Apostle. It was a fatal error, seeing as he was subdued in a matter of seconds. The woman, an Airmaster, had Garic in a headlock, Landlord-claws digging into his neck.
“Cut the show, bitch, or your little heir-boy gets it… and you only gets ta’ choose onea those per lifetime, I hear. And you’re no Original! Haha!”
Aurora immediately aborted her assault on Fiyre, allowing him to drop his shield and retreat backwards a few paces.
“Sneaky sneaky!” He hollered.
“Now drop the weapon!” The woman ordered. “Do it now! Or I’ll kill him!” She sounded crazy, in a fanatical sort of way.
Aurora looked her in the eye. She’s undeniably insane. Despite her better judgment, Aurora began to comply, slowly bending down to place her gun on the floor. She’ll kill him anyway. The woman smiled, digging her claw into the boys throat. But just as Garic cried out in pain, Aurora’s gun arm sprang up, shooting professionally aimed bursts straight at the woman’s head. She screeched, disappearing into thin air, but a few bullets hit their mark before she could completely escape.
Garic, realizing he was free, ran over to the safety of Aurora’s side, rubbing his neck.
“Intangibility? From an Airmaster? Impressive.” Aurora commented. “But I can still feel the electricity going through your body, girly.”
The two Apostles regrouped a few feet away.
There was an eerie silence, especially when the woman rematerialized.
“You okay, Trin?” Fiyre asked, eyeing the blood stains on her face. She went semi-intangible for a second, like a ghost. When she rematerialized again, her wound was gone.
“Just like new.” She sneered in Aurora’s direction.
“You can’t escape Aurora. Give it up.” Fiyre smiled warmly towards her. “You can’t beat two… as you say… ‘Major Players,’ at the same time.”
She frowned. “You’re no Major Player.” Instead of giving up, she put her hand out in front of Garic protectively. “Get back.” She muttered. He complied.
The two Apostles began walking in sync towards Aurora, like two gangsters on their way to kick somebody’s unfortunate ass. They each had their respective Landlords now. Trin with her claws, and Fiyre with his cigarette.
They were getting closer.
“What’re you gonna do, Aurora? African-martial-arts us?!” Fiyre asked sarcastically, grinning. Trin fell into another fit of laughter, nearly breaking their cool little slow-motion in sync effect.
Aurora grinned, materializing another Uzi in her other hand. “Come and find out, cousin.” She was spinning the Uzis by their triggers, like a wild-wild-west cowboy. “I was the one that taught my punk little brother how to fight, how to hold a sword, and how to use a gun. If I remember correctly, he kicked your ass with it just fine. It can’t be that hard then, can it?”
Fiyre’s face turned a shade of red. “Why you—“
“I’ll make you a bet.” Aurora stated simply.
When she said that, they stopped. They were facing each other, nose to nose. Aurora versus two Apostles.
“Bet?”
“Yep.” She said, a grin spreading across her face, raising her foot off the ground. “See this sword on my foot? My main? I bet I can fight both of you… and balance this on my foot at the same time.” The sword was balancing perfectly.
The two Apostles frowned. “You conceited bitch.” Trin responded, making the first move. With speed born of air mastery, she threw a cascade of claw attacks Aurora’s way. Aurora dodged effortlessly, keeping the sword balanced on her foot. Fiyre stood in the background, watching the two women fight.
“Don’t underestimate me.” Trin hissed, catching Aurora in a blind spot and scratching her across the face. Aurora had lured the gullible Trin into just such a move and used the chance to press her Uzi under Trin’s exposed armpit.
“You don’t underestimate me.” Aurora hissed back, firing at point blank, forcing the Apostle to go intangible yet again. Aurora hopped back on one foot, blood trickling down her face. “I expected more.” She lulled.
Fiyre shook his head sadly. “I see. You’re pretty good Aurora. Pretty damn good. I’m sure if you really wanted, you could’ve been a much more powerful Major Player...” he sighed. “… and yet… you gave all the fame to that manipulative little brother of yours. How pathetic.”
Trin materialized next to Fiyre, scratching at her armpit. “I owe you for that.” She said, referring to her bruised underarm.
Aurora smirked. “Come and get me you two. Maybe if you go serious, I’ll pull Erasmus’s true form from its sheath.”
Fiyre turned his head to one side. “Really. See… I anticipated this.”
Aurora’s eyes widened. “What?”
Garic screeched, pointing. “Mistress, look! Over there.”
Sitting on a bench a few meters away were three other robed Apostles and a small child. They’d had to have been shielded by a damn good Lightmaster to avoid my senses…
“So you did call for backup?” Aurora phrased it as more of a statement than a question, with scorning undertones. “That’s so like you. Can never fight your own battles. What a loser.”
“Heh—and so I did. Let’s face it, Aurora. You’re just too damn good. Even with a lower pulse than the top Major Players… you just… know your shit too damn well. And we can’t have that, now can we? You’ll have to die here first.”
The three sitting Apostles removed their hoods.
“Tch.” Aurora muttered. She knew all three. “Glacis, Reiya, and Christ.” She looked at the child. “Who’s the newb? You into that kind of kinky stuff now, Christ? You fucking disgust me, you know that?” She made a sweeping motion with her Uzi hand. “That goes for all of you.”
They didn’t respond to her banter. Instead, Reiya and Glacis stood, and, with Fiyre and Trin, surrounded Aurora and Garic.
Aurora hopped back a few times, sword still balanced on one foot, poker face still strong.
“Garic,” she muttered. He looked up at her with tears in his eyes. “Garic. There’s no time for that. Remember that one move I taught you?”
He squinted. “You mean the one to call—“
“Yes,” she interrupted, “Use it. Now. Make sure you stay with it the whole way.”
“What about you, mistress?”
“I can handle myself.” She sounded offended that he even had to ask.
He got the point. “Yes, Empress!” He responded bravely, turning his back and crouching down on his knees.
The four Apostles each spawned their Landlords. Trin with her claws, Fiyre with his cigarette, Reiya with her dagger, and Glacis with his Dual Manifestation leg gear. But before they could advance, Aurora kicked her sheathed sword into the air, a few inches above her head. It spun slowly.
She waved away one of her Uzi manifestations with an extravagant gesture and snatched the sword’s handle straight out of the air, crouching in a defensive pose, sheathed blade pointing up, gun trained on her approaching enemies, protecting Garic’s back as he prepared his attack.
They didn’t waste any time.
Trin rushed Aurora, swiping the sheathed sword at an angle towards her face. Trin caught it easily, grinning. Aurora returned her grin for grin, pulling her arm back… and the sword along with it, with a metallic shing! Trin was left confused; holding an empty sheath in her hand for a fraction of a second, before Aurora’s Erasmus came whistling through the air. It would’ve sliced the fool Trin clean in half, had she not gone intangible. Erasmus’s blade passed right through her. Trin resolidified, laughing; but Aurora silenced her with a quick kick to the mouth, sending her sprawling backwards.
The others weren’t so stupid, and timed their rush so that Aurora was assaulted simultaneously, from as many sides as possible.
She handled that sword like a pro.
A scene befitting an action movie. Aurora sliced at one, they dodged, she made a low move at another, shot off a few rounds at Glacis, dodged a swipe of his foot, only to run into Trin’s claws. She feinted left then right, deftly avoiding the razor-sharp edges, slicing again at Trin with her sword, who responded by going intangible for a second, while Fiyre shot a beam of liquid plasma towards her face. All the while Reiya had bent the light into a javelin, and was busy trying to skewer Aurora on it. The woman was dodging moves from four Apostles at once… all the while managing to keep her enemies close to her—like some twisted foxtrot of doom—too busy dodging lightning-fast sword strikes and bullets to actually utilize their Landlords against her.
She was the undisputed queen of the kill. The god of close melee combat—and they knew it.
They couldn’t touch her. Four Apostles versus one seriously outnumbered and seemingly outmatched Major Player.
Aurora was dominating, all the while slowly moving the Apostles away from Garic, which allowed him to finish.
“Done!” He shouted.
Aurora didn’t even hear him. If she lost focus on what she was doing even for a second, and allowed one of these Major Player level baddies to gain long range on her, it was over. The mere fact that they were keeping within melee distance voluntarily meant that they were just analyzing her abilities, trying to figure out her death curse. Just playing around. With her.
Disgusting.
Garic held a glowing orb firmly in his hand. The orb seemed to have a mind of its own, trying its hardest to tug free of Garic’s grip. He pointed his palm at the sky and released, sending the small orb flying high in the air.
The Apostles had had enough Play-Time-With-Aurora, and retreated to long distance, gaining massive ground. They gazed up at the small orb in the sky, wonder what kind of plot the Major Player was concocting.
I’m screwed. Aurora thought inwardly. Unless…
The small orb disappeared for a few moments, bathing the park in an eerie silence once more. Nobody moved. Shit! Did I do it wrong?! Oh no! Garic thought, panicking. True, he didn’t have a Landlord to help him focus his powers, but a simple call technique like that should be simple enough, even for—
The sky lit on fire, as an explosion rang through the area. It was as if someone had detonated a nuclear bomb in the sky, greenish blue colors exploding out from the epicenter, sound loud enough to shatter windows and deafen mortals.
After a good sixty seconds, it dissipated into nothingness. It was over.
Everyone waited in silence for another few moments before speaking again.
“That’s it? That’s your big master plan? Did you get senile while I was away, Aurora?” Fiyre teased.
She rolled her eyes, doing a few back flips, landing by Garic’s side. She mussed his hair, silently praising him whilst taking in her surroundings… formulating an escape plan. She’d have already made it out of here by now if she didn’t have Garic around, but light-speed isn’t an option when you have passengers.
As if sensing Aurora’s intentions, Christ stood. “That’s enough analysis. We’ve gathered all the data we need. Fiyre. Trin. Take her out. Kill the boy as well. Make sure neither of them escapes alive.”
“Hah!” Aurora laughed, grabbing Garic’s hand.
To tell the truth, she’d never tried jumping light-speed with a passenger before, so she didn’t know what effect this would have. Would we be conjoined, or switch body parts, or some other freaky sci-fi teleportation crap? Who knows. Who cares. I don’t. She thought, preparing to jump.
“I don’t think so.” Christ smirked.
Aurora tried the jump anyway, but it failed.
“What the hell?” She tried again. And again. “Where is my power?” She hissed.
Christ clapped his hands. “My kid here. He’s an Angelmaster, bane to you false gods. He will be our main tool in the war against your blasphemy. I’ve even got him able to cancel out powers in a specific zone, instead of his whole Pulse now. Guess who he’s canceling out at the moment, hmm?”
Fiyre laughed maniacally. Trin joined him. Reiya smirked. Glacis grinned.
“Fiyre, Trin. If you will.” Christ asked, pointing at Aurora and Garic. He sat back down on the bench shortly after, handing his pet Angelmaster a stick of candy, or a Popsicle or some other form of bribery. Aurora couldn’t tell. She shook her head, assessing her options.
There was only one.
Meanwhile, Fiyre had come quite a bit closer, leering. “You play with fire… you’re gunna get burned. You ever hear that saying, cousin?” He asked.
She frowned, for she knew what was coming next.
“Let Jodus the Lightning Emperor die forever!” He shouted, eyes mad with glee.
Flames rose from within his palms, and flames leapt up from the ground, growing like trees, entrapping Aurora and Garic within the anti-pulse Zone. Aurora turned around and hugged Garic, trying to protect him.
Fiyre started laughing maniacally again, closing the eye of the firestorm bit by bit. Soon the flames were licking up Aurora’s back. Her once glorious hair was on fire. Her clothes were burning. Garic lay under her, protected by her body… for now.
“No!” Garic cried, as he watched the very flames themselves eat away at Aurora’s flesh. “Wait! Don’t do this for me!”
“Garic,” Aurora wheezed. “Garic, listen to me, damnit. Listen. I’ve chosen you as my sole heir. You must carry on where I could not.”
“Empress—!”
Tears streamed down her face, a mirror of the tears streaming down his. “This is my fault. I sent you on that errand, and you got caught because of it. Do not blame yourself.”
“But—!”
“Garic! That’s an order. One more thing. Tell my brother I love him with all my heart. Tell him. You’ll see him soon. I promised you I’d save you right? You’ll meet him one day. Tell him that for me, okay.”
It took him a while, but Garic nodded.
“Be safe. I will always be with you, Lightning Emperor Garic.”
The fire was all consuming now. There was no end to it. Using the last of her strength as a woman, a royal, and a Major Player of Lower Town—God of Africa—the Lightning Empress tossed Garic as high into the sky as she could, barely clearing the dome of the Angelmaster’s Pulse.
Everyone was surprised, including Garic himself, who was about to plummet back down to the ground.
“What the hell?!” Trin exclaimed, pointing.
Something was in the sky. Flying. Towards Garic.
Before gravity could take him, a figure shrouded in shadow swooped down from the heavens, grabbing Garic like an eagle grabs its prey.
Instead of flying away with its prize, the creature flew in circles, descending lower and lower, approaching the Anti-Pulse zone that kept Aurora bound.
“What are you doing you putrid buffoon! Get out of here!” Came a shout from within the flames. Aurora’s voice. It was weak.
The Apostles were utterly confused.
Instead of descending any further, the creature stood in place. Airmaster Trin took off, speeding towards him. She was out of the Apostles’ visibility range in a matter of seconds, facing the flying figure. When she got close, there was a brief altercation, a few punches thrown... and then a huge claw appeared, grabbing Trin out of the sky and hurtling towards the ground. She collided with the concrete without mercy, leaving a small crater in her wake.
Christ stood. “That attack. This Pulse. It is unmistakable. Demonmaster Talus. Why is he here?” Christ spun on his heel, hand to his chin, thinking. “That orb from before! It was… a call for backup of her own!?” Christ bellowed with avid fury, pointing at Talus high in the sky. “Apostles! Don’t let him get away with that heir!”
They nodded, preparing to fight the descending Major Player.
Christ sighed inwardly. I didn’t expect an aerial battle. If we can’t get the Anti-Pulse airborne, or at extreme long range… we’ll be vulnerable to fliers like him … unless the Skyking joins me. Christ smirked. I’m sure he’ll join me.
Back up in the sky, Garic was oddly silent, watching the fire with wide empty eyes. What have I done? As high in the sky as he was, he couldn’t see a thing on the ground except a few specks representing the Apostles and the growing torrent of flames.
“Gluttony,” Talus murmured to another of his demons. The demon that resided in his eyes and ears, amplifying both. His pupils turned a neon bluish-orange color.
From his new aerial vantage point, he locked on to Aurora, who was huddled over in the flames. She was dying. Talus grimaced, a determined look splashed across his face.
“Lust, Envy, Sloth, Greed, Gluttony, Pride… and even you, Wrath. There is a woman in those flames. We’re going to save her—”
“Go, Talus.” Aurora shouted. “Or I’ll kill you! Go. Please!” Were Aurora’s final words, before the fire enclosed around her completely. She’d never said “please” in her life.
Talus reached a hand out towards the flames, hundreds of feet below, but withdrew it just as quickly. It was like someone had slapped him in the face.
He recoiled, eyes screwed shut. “It is her last wish.” He muttered. “I will honor it.” He turned away. “Now we must avoid her death curse.”
Garic was too stunned to do anything but cry silently. He’d just killed the only person that’d ever meant anything to him. It’s all my fault.
The fire consumed the last remnants of the once infamous Lightning Empress Aurora, as Garic and Talus sped off towards the rising sun as fast as Sloth would carry them.
Trin was seriously damaged and in no state to go chasing after a Major Player. Fiyre was still burning Aurora to a crisp. The other Apostles were looking up towards the sky, waiting for whatever it was.
They knew it was coming.
A Major Player had just been eliminated.
But it wasn’t over.
The sky will open… and everybody dies.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Thanks for reviewing! Once again, I love the nitpicks.
I've never really considered this to be an grammatical error. Sure, I'd never do this in a college paper, but in my writing I capitalize after any terminating punctual mark. I evaluate periods, exclamation points, and question-marks at the end of my sentences as terminators, even if they're in the dialogue; thus, when I terminate a sentence, I must begin again with an uppercase letter
The beautiful thing about this kind of literature, like poetry (but not to that extreme), is that I don't have to be as strict about sentence fragmentation or illegal initialization (sorry, I'm a coder >.<) as I would with a college paper.
So, for all intents and purposes, this is just another personal preference
Thanks for the warning though!
I'll try and rework some of the serious versus non-seriousness factor a bit. I see what you mean very clearly with that one.
Thanks again!
Hi again. This is the second part of your review, as requested, but I'll have to warn you that quite a lot of this was totally over my head - again, it probably requires backstory which I haven't read. I love your story, but I won't comment on it in detail in this review.
If I remember correctly, you didn't capitalise Dual Manifestation in the last section. Was it supposed to be capitalised there, or is this the mistake, or are they in different contexts?
The what?
This is very matter-of-fact for a fatal error. It's almost funny, in fact, and I'm not sure you should be going for that effect. Maybe describe this a bit more.
I would say this is immature, again, but I think it actually suits here. I don't like the use of "like", though, because it's very grammatically correct. I know that sounds weird, but I'm trying to say that it's a very colloquial image to force into the literary ideal of the simile. Do you know what I mean? Basically, I think it looks like you're trying too hard with this.
Again, you have another one of these strange inserts. It's like you suddenly come out of the story and put your own sense of humour in there, and it doesn't really fit. If this was Drama, I'd say you just came out of character, if you know what I mean. It's hard to describe, but it throws me off. Then again, maybe it's just your style, I don't know.
It's two against one, so to face each other nose to nose must be quite some effort. They'd have to be in this little triangle... Hehe, sorry, I'm really tired. In short, I think this is odd, in context.
Again, the weird little aside. This is totally irrelevent and throws me off again.
Cut the "of doom". Please.
So, not a lot I could comment on. I'm tired, like I said, so this isn't my best review. I have to point out the speech again; you've still insisted on capitalising all your speech tags. Take this one, for example.
Now, up until the second "again", it's fine. You capitalised "she" correctly, because "she tried again" is a new sentence. However, "she hissed" is not, and therefore "she" should not be capitalised. Do you see what I mean? You make the mistake of capitalising the speech tag over and over again, so use that link I gave you before and correct those mistakes.
Ugh, I can't think of anything else to comment on. This is really good, and you have a wonderful universe here. I think you should watch your tone, though, since it seems to waver in places, like you aren't taking your own writing seriously. In a death scene, you can't keep dropping in those asides. Anyway, good luck and keep writing.