REMOVED

Hi!

Well, to start off with, your punctuation and spacing was very good. Except for the first few parts where the spacing is tad irregular. But it straightens out eventually. So that's good.

To be honest, I didn't think that your prologue was very clear. Now, I'm not trying to insult you or anything, so please, don't take anything I say personally, I'm just trying to help. Really.

The prologue wasn't very clear for several reasons. One of them was you have created this fantastic world, which we don't know a thing about. I mean, it's fine to throw us into the middle of it, but it has to make a reasonable amount of sense. Now, I'm not saying that your writing didn't make any sense, it did. It just didn't make enough sense. So, we don't know a lot about the world. We also don't know about the character. I had assumed that he would be a teen boy, maybe? Since he could follow his father out, but when it came to this here:

My father seemed to be having a hard time defeating the creature.

The immidiate thought that came to me was, 'well, why don't you help him?!' and then later on, he mentions he has a sword:

My sword appeared and fire started spiraling from the tip.

So, this guy has a sword but doesn't jump in to help his father. Doesn't this sound a bit weird? Perhaps what's missing is some information, add a little bit of it here and there about the world Meridan is in so that we can understand it more.

And then you switched the pronoun of the demon from 'it' to 'she', which was abit confusing. Well, I'm assuming that you switched the pronouns, because from what I read there seems to be Meridan, his father, the demon and the cloaked man present in the scene.

There's also the card that the cloacked man left him:

“When you’re old enough you’re next if you get in my way again!”

This, intially really confused me. I know that some people purposely make things unclear to create mystery and intrigue. But even if you do that, the reader has to be able to fill in some of the missing blanks and make some sense of the situation.

I think the major thing you lack here is information. At first I had thought that maybe this was purposely done to draw the reader in. But then later on, you introduced us to another part of your world, when we haven't even made complete sense of the scene from the prologue. Here:

“Guard, there that should keep her safe.” I say softly, running to the presence of the spirit.

This gets rather confusing and can turn a reader away. What's a spirit? What's a guard? This may seem really obvious, but I've read countless stories that tries and puts a new twist to things. Seriously, nearly all authors have their own vision of a fairy, warlock, etc. So you have to show us yours.

So, the main thing I'm trying to say is, readers don't know what's going on inside your head, you have to explain it to them word by word. Maybe you could try reading over it again and when you read it, pretend that you know nothing at all about this story, this just came from a random book you picked up and you haven't read the blurb and know absolutely nothing about it. Then try to see if you could add some information in that could help the reader understand the world more.

I am really, really, really sorry if I had missed out some vital information which made me this confuse. So forgive me if I do miss something important and then rambles on about how the story lacked information. I am also really sorry if I sounded harsh. I'm not trying to be. I'm just trying to help.